Women Who Run with the Wolves

To be a true mate for the Wild Woman, a man must first come to understand the duality of feminine nature. To illustrate this point, Estés tells an African folk tale about a man called Manawee who wants to marry twin sisters. Their father says that unless Manawee can guess their names, his suit will be rejected. Manawee tries repeatedly but fails. His companion on these guessing visits is his little dog. One day, the dog overhears the women address each other by name while he is standing outside their tent. He races back to tell his master the news but gets distracted by a juicy bone left near the road. By the time he finished gnawing the bone, the dog has completely forgotten the names.

The dog goes back again to listen outside the tent as the women call one another by name. On his return journey to find his master, the little dog is distracted by the delicious smell of nutmeg. Someone has left a pie outside to cool, and the dog makes short work of it. Yet again, he forgets the women’s names.

For a third time, the dog travels back to eavesdrop and hears the women’s names repeated. He is determined to let nothing dissuade him from his mission this time as he races back to his master’s home. From out of nowhere, he is seized by a dark stranger who demands the names so that he can marry the women instead. The dog bites the stranger’s hand and drives him away. At last, he arrives back home and tells his master the whole story. Manawee visits the father of the women and supplies the correct names. The twins marry him and live happily with Manawee and his little dog.

This tale illustrates the duality of female nature, which, according to Estés, seems to baffle most men. A woman’s surface temperament may frequently contradict her deeper self. Understanding the Wild Woman requires a man to accept and embrace her duality. Manawee does so in the story with the aid of his dog, which is his own wild nature personified. The dog’s trials in revealing the secret of the names represent the forces that prevent full understanding from being achieved: the distractions of appetite and the dark forces within one’s nature and outside of it. Manawee’s persistence in learning the names indicates that true mates are those who are willing to persevere until they achieve understanding. “The good match is the man who keeps returning to try to understand, who does not let himself be deterred by the sideshows on the road” (125).

Once a Wild Woman and Wild Man find one another, they experience stable love as a cycle that includes aspects of death. The author says, “One has to go up against the very thing one fears most. There is no way around it, as we shall see. One must sleep with Lady Death” (128).

“Skeleton Woman” is an Inuit tale about a young woman who is hurled into the sea by her angry father. Her flesh is consumed by fish until only a skeleton remains. One day, a fisherman snags his line on the skeleton. Thinking he’s hooked a large fish, he hauls his catch aboard. Horrified to find that he’s caught a skeleton, the man races for shore and hides in his igloo. The skeleton remains enmeshed in his fishing line and follows him all the way inside.

Once he gets over his initial fright, the man untangles the bones and arranges them into a human shape. He then covers the bones with furs, making the skeleton look almost alive. After this is done, the man goes to sleep. All this while, the skeleton has been conscious, and now she creeps over to the man and drinks the tears he sheds in his sleep. She removes his heart and uses it to conjure a living body for herself. Afterward, she replaces the heart inside his chest and lays down beside him. They wake up the following morning, twined together as lovers ought to be.

Estés sees seven tasks as necessary to establish a lasting love. The first is the fisherman’s discovery of what he believes is a treasure. People who first fall in love feel this attitude toward one another. The second task is the approach-avoidance that usually occurs when two people are first embarking on a romance, just as the fisherman runs away from his catch. The third task is the untangling of fact from fantasy and the adjustments required to make a relationship function, as the fisherman untangles the skeleton from his fishing line and arranges her bones in order.

The fourth task is a stage of relaxation, when two people have become comfortable enough to simply remain in one another’s presence. The fisherman falls asleep in the presence of the skeleton, no longer alarmed by it. The fifth task is a sharing of past and future and the healing of old wounds as displayed when the skeleton drinks the man’s tears. The sixth task involves using the heart to conjure new life and to animate new love. Finally, the seventh task is the union of two bodies and souls when the fisherman and the revivified woman awaken in each other’s arms. Estés explains,

Allow Skeleton Woman to become more palpable in your life, and she will make your life larger in return. When you free her from her tangled and misunderstood state and realize her as both teacher and lover, she becomes ally and partner (156-57).