Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other Conversations About Race

“Yes, we have an innate tendency to think in ‘us’ and ‘them’ categories, but we look to the leader to help us know who the ‘us’ is and who the ‘them’ is. The leader can define who is in and who is out.” 

Leaders have considerable power over people’s attitudes and beliefs. They have greater access to forms of public discourse (anything they say is likely to be widely reported in the media, for example) and their social position means that people are more likely to listen to what they have to say. Trump’s exclusionary rhetoric has heightened the fears of many White people and has led to increased hostility toward people of color and other marginalized groups.

“If you were born in 1997, you were eleven when the economy collapsed, perhaps bringing new economic anxiety into your family life. You were still eleven when Barack Obama was elected. You heard that we were now in a postracial society and President Obama’s election was the proof. Yet your neighborhoods and schools were likely still quite segregated. And in 2012, when you were fifteen, a young Black teenager named Trayvon Martin, walking home in his father’s mostly White neighborhood with his bag of iced tea and Skittles, was murdered and his killer went free. When you were seventeen, Michael Brown was shot in Ferguson, Missouri, and his body was left uncovered in the streets for hours, like a piece of roadkill, and in the same year, unarmed Eric Garner was strangled to death by police, repeatedly gasping ‘I can’t breathe’ on a viral cell phone video, to name just two examples of why it seemed Black lives did not matter, even in the age of Obama. When you were nineteen, Donald J. Trump was elected president and White supremacists were celebrating in the streets. How would a twenty-year-old answer the question posed to me, ‘Is it better?’” 

Just because we are moving forward in time does not mean we are making social progress. This quote, which comes at the end of the Prologue, reiterates just how many injustices we have witnessed in first few decades of the 21st century. These events have shaped young people, and so it is little wonder that the Black Lives Matter movement has grown out of their anger. Tatum highlights all of these setbacks not to overwhelm or depress readers, but to show them that there is still a lot of work we need to do as a society.

“There is always someone who hasn’t noticed the stereotypical images of people of color in the media, who hasn’t observed the housing discrimination in their community, who hasn’t read the newspaper articles about documented racial bias in lending practices among well-known banks, who isn’t aware of the racial tracking pattern at the local school, who hasn’t seen the reports of rising incidents of racially motivated hate crimes in America—in short, someone who hasn’t been paying attention to issues of race.”

Tatum provides a long list of the ways that racism exists in American society to show that it is not only present, it is pervasive. She emphasizes that there is hard evidence that cultural and institutional racism exists by pointing out that it has been documented in published research and official reports. Many White people do not fail to see racism because there is a lack of evidence, but because they have been raised to not notice it. And if they do notice it, as Tatum elaborates on later in Chapter 6, there are internal and societal pressures to close one’s eyes again.

“Cultural racism—the cultural images and messages that affirm the assumed superiority of Whites and the assumed inferiority of people of color—is like smog in the air. Sometimes it is so thick it is visible, other times it is less apparent, but always, day in and day out, we are breathing it in. None of us would introduce ourselves as ‘smog breathers’ (and most of us don’t want to be described as prejudiced), but if we live in a smoggy place, how can we avoid breathing the air?” 

By comparing cultural racism to a “smog,” Tatum emphasizes not only the inevitability of acquiring prejudices, but that we aren’t personally responsible for becoming prejudiced. Some readers are likely to be resistant to the suggestion that they are prejudiced because it implies that they are at fault, but Tatum shows here that it is simply an unfortunate consequence of being surrounded by such messages. Just as smog is bad for our health, living in a racist society is harmful to us as well.

“Unless we engage in these and other conscious acts of reflection and reeducation, we easily repeat the process with our children. The unexamined prejudices of the parents are passed on to the children. It is not our fault, but it is our responsibility to interrupt this cycle.” 

In this quote, Tatum emphasizes the cyclical nature of racism—it continues to reproduce itself from one generation to the next unless people make an active effort to stop it. Although it is not our fault that we acquired prejudices, we are at fault if we do nothing about it. To counteract our prejudices, we need to engage in self-introspection and educate ourselves beyond the stereotypes we have learned from the media and the limited information we learned at school.

“To the extent that one can draw on one’s own experience of subordination—as a young person, as a person with a disability, as someone who grew up poor, as a woman—it may be easier to make meaning of another targeted group’s experience. For those readers who are targeted by racism and are angered by the obliviousness of Whites sometimes described in these pages, it may be useful to attend to your experience of dominance where you may find it—as a heterosexual, as an able-bodied person, as a Christian, as a man—and consider what systems of privilege you may be overlooking. The task of resisting our own oppression does not relieve us of the responsibility of acknowledging our complicity in the oppression of others.” 

Although this book focuses on racism, it is no more or less significant than the many other forms of oppression that take place as well. Since many people are simultaneously members of dominant as well as subordinate groups, Tatum asks readers to reflect on their own experiences with being both advantaged and disadvantaged. This introspection can aid readers in understanding better what it is like to be White or a person of color, which can help them to have more empathy and patience in their cross-racial dialogues.

“Learning to spot ‘that stuff’—whether it is racist, or sexist, or classist—is an important skill for children to develop. It is as important for my Black male children to recognize sexism and other forms of oppression as it is for them to spot racism. We are better able to resist the negative impact of oppressive messages when we see them coming than when they are invisible to us.” 

Tatum reiterates the importance of recognizing and speaking out against all forms of oppression, not just racism. She also emphasizes the importance of teaching children how to resist oppressive messages. Many parents would shy away from talking about such topics with their children, possibly fearing that they would be needlessly exposing their child to something painful and unpleasant, but children will inevitably be exposed to such messages throughout their lives no matter what. Tatum uses her own family as an example to show that children are capable of developing a critical consciousness and that it can aid them in life, not hinder them.

“Why do Black youths, in particular, think about themselves in terms of race? Because that is how the rest of the world thinks of them. Our self-perceptions are shaped by the messages that we receive from those around us, and when young Black men and women enter adolescence, the racial content of those messages intensifies.”

As Tatum also discussed in Chapter 2, the most salient dimensions of our identity are those that the rest of society treats as abnormal. For a young Black person, reaching adolescence is often accompanied by a growing realization that the dominant culture has marked them as an “other.” They may be looked down upon or pushed to the margins of society.

“Whether it is the experience of being followed in stores because they are suspected of shoplifting, seeing people respond to them with fear on the street, or feeling overlooked in school, Black youth can benefit from seeking support from those who have had similar experiences.”

Young Black people routinely have encounters with racism, but it very often does not take the form of overt bigotry. Here, Tatum gives a few examples of some of the messages that Black adolescents may receive that Blackness is devalued. The question, “Why are all the Black people sitting together in the cafeteria?” is often asked by White people—possibly oblivious to the fact that they themselves may also be contributing to the marginalization that causes Black adolescents to seek support from each other. It is important for Black adolescents to have peers who understand their experiences with racism, and a same-race peer group can provide that emotional support.

“She highlights what happens to the O, the token, in a world of Xs. In corporate America, Black people are still in the O position. One consequence of being an O, Kanter points out, is heightened visibility. When an O walks into the room, the Xs notice. Whatever the O does, positive or negative, stands out because of this increased visibility. It is hard for an O to blend in. When several Os are together, the attention of the Xs is really captured. Without the tokens present in the room, the Xs go about their business, perhaps not even noticing that they are all Xs.”

Tatum addresses why the question in the title of this book is even asked in the first place. After all, White people don’t notice anything strange if a group of White people are sitting together in a cafeteria. Tatum cites a book by psychologist Rosabeth Moss Kanter which illustrates what it is like to be a “token.” Whiteness is taken for granted as “normal” and does not capture the attention of White people, while Blackness is treated as “otherness” and does. Black people trying to live, study, or work in predominantly White settings have to do so while constantly being seen as Black. Part of White privilege is that people pay no attention to their race much of the time.

“There is a lot of silence about race in White communities, and as a consequence Whites tend to think of racial identity as something that other people have, not something that is salient for them.” 

This culture of silence among White people means that they tend to grow up not thinking of themselves as White, but just as what’s “normal”. They don’t explore the existence of racism or the privileges they receive for being White. They learn to not talk about race or racism from a young age, and by not talking about or thinking about it, the status quo is maintained.

“We all must be able to embrace who we are in terms of our racial and cultural heritage, not in terms of assumed superiority or inferiority but as an integral part of our daily experience in which we can take pride. But, as we see in these examples for many White people who have come to understand the everyday reality of racism, Whiteness is still experienced as a source of shame rather than as a source of pride.” 

If a White person overcomes the social pressure to not notice racism, they often struggle with feelings of guilt about being White. They see their own group as oppressors and feel ashamed to belong to such a group. According to Tatum, one of the challenges for White people is finding a positive redefinition of what it means to be White—in other words, seeing their own group not just as oppressors, but as people who oppose oppression.

“Another feature of color-blind racial ideology is the belief that talking about race makes things worse—that it promotes racism and/or is racist in and of itself. Those who bring up race are ‘playing the race card’ and creating problems where otherwise there would be none, or so the logic goes.” 

The pervasive color-blind ideology allows for White people to perceive themselves as non-racist while staying oblivious to the reality of racism. This facet of the ideology, which pressures people to stay silent about race, allows the cycle of racism to continue unimpeded. By not seeing racism and not talking about racism, a White person is able to persist in the belief that the status quo is perfectly fine.

“The linguistic, religious, and other cultural diversity of these disparate groups […] gives validity to the question posed by Valerie Lee, director of the 1992 Asian American Renaissance Conference: ‘What do we have in common except for racism and rice?’ Social scientists Kenyon Chan and Shirley Hune argue that racism is quite enough. Because the treatment of early Asian immigrant communities was so similar and distinctions between them ignored by the dominant culture, the foundation of a group identity was laid.” 

When discussing each racial and ethnic group throughout Chapter 8, Tatum repeatedly emphasizes the diversity that each group contains. This raises the question of what members of these groups have in common in the first place if they are so diverse—and the answer is, in large part, racism. Asian Americans may have drastically different heritages, but since these differences are disregarded by the dominant culture, they have similar experiences with racism.

“Amani’s assertion of her identity through the claiming of her head scarf, despite her earlier rejection of it, is reminiscent of the example of the Latina who reclaimed her Spanish and its importance to her identity in college after her childhood rejection of the language that had set her apart from the mainstream, again illustrating the similarity of the process of identity exploration among marginalized groups in the face of that marginalization.” 

Even amongst the diversity of racial and ethnic identities, people of color are affected by racism in remarkably similar ways. Children often try to fit in with their White peers by abandoning anything that symbolically marks them as an “other,” such as speaking Spanish or wearing a hijab. As they grow older and reclaim their identity, they may search for visible and symbolic ways to assert it as well. In Amani’s case, wearing her hijab was a way to show that she was proud to be Muslim despite being harassed for it as a child.

“Anyone can interrupt an offensive joke, challenge stereotypes, or offer assistance to someone who is being harassed or is fearful that they might be. If you don’t know how best to be helpful, ask and then listen. Use your own privilege to question policies that are discriminatory. Be public in your support for those who are targeted, so they will know where to find help when it is needed. In a time of darkness, we all have to generate more light.” 

Tatum encourages readers to publicly support Muslims and people of MENA heritage and offers specific examples of what a person can do in their daily lives to oppose Islamophobia. People who are targeted may often feel marginalized from mainstream society, so vocal and visible support can help to remedy those feelings of isolation. While Tatum is referring to speaking up against Islamophobia in this quote, her words could arguably be applied more broadly to speaking up against any form of oppression.

“One such challenge is embodied in the frequently asked question, ‘What are you?’ While the question may be prompted by the individual’s sometimes racially ambiguous appearance, the insistence with which the question is often asked represents society’s need to classify its members racially. The existence of the biracial person challenges the rigid boundaries between Black and White, and the questioner may really be asking, ‘Which side are you on? Where do you stand?’” 

This quote appears after Tatum’s discussion of the “one-drop rule,” which was a practice intended to maintain a firm division between Black and White people. While the one-drop rule is no longer used today, the boundary remains, and people may be uncomfortable when someone seems to defy that racial boundary. They may insist on placing a person firmly in one racial category or another.

“Parents who have a ‘color-blind’ ideology may be reluctant to talk to their children about potential encounters with racism, hoping perhaps that if they don’t mention it, it won’t be a problem. Talking about the possibility of such interactions and providing children with appropriate responses they might use in such situations is one way to inoculate children against the stress of this kind of racism.” 

Tatum emphasizes that it is parents’ responsibility to talk with their children about racism. Staying silent does not mean it will go away, it will only mean that children will be unprepared and confused when they encounter it. If parents are too uncomfortable to talk about it, then they are leaving their child to experience the burden of racism alone. Race-conscious parenting, on the other hand, can help children to be self-confident and proud of their identity.

“Some people say there is too much talk about race and racism in the United States. I say there is not enough. The twenty-year history I recounted in the prologue and the many examples throughout the preceding chapters highlight the pervasiveness of our problem. We need to continually break the silence about racism whenever we can.”

The culture of silence about racism is problematic, but there is no quick or easy way to fix it. Ideologies, such as the color-blind ideology which encourages silence, are deeply rooted and that makes it difficult to change them overnight. We as individuals are capable of challenging this ideology by speaking out against racism, but Tatum emphasizes that this dialogue needs to happen again and again. 

“This woman was correct in her observation that most of the people of color in that classroom were more fluent in the discourse of racism and more aware of its personal impact on their lives than perhaps she was. But she was wrong that their participation was easy. They were also afraid.” 

Here, Tatum discusses a White woman’s comments that she felt the students of color in her class had an easier time talking about racism. White people are often afraid of talking about racism, but they may not recognize that people of color are afraid too. Breaking the silence is difficult, but necessary, for everyone. White people are often afraid that they will say the wrong thing and people of color are often afraid that no one will listen to them, but everyone needs to overcome their fears. 

“‘What if I make a mistake?’ you may be thinking. ‘Racism is a volatile issue, and I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing.’ In almost forty years of teaching and leading workshops about racism, I have made many mistakes. I have found that a sincere apology and a genuine desire to learn from one’s mistakes are usually rewarded with forgiveness. If we wait for perfection, we will never break the silence. The cycle of racism will continue uninterrupted.” 

Pushing past one’s fears is easier said than done. To encourage readers who are still afraid of making mistakes, Tatum indicates that she makes mistakes too, even as a leading expert on racism with decades of experience. Saying nothing at all is worse than accidentally saying the wrong thing.

“We must begin to speak, knowing that words alone are insufficient. But I have seen that meaningful dialogue can lead to effective action. Change is possible.” 

Tatum’s goal in this book is to help readers break the silence about racism, but she acknowledges that simply talking about racism is not going to fix everything. Although dialogue in and of itself is not enough, it is an important starting point that can lead to more action. She repeatedly emphasizes her hope for a better future—if readers can be similarly inspired that they can produce change, then they too will speak up and take action.

“Can new cross-racial friendships change the racial climate of a city or the structural racism that is baked into its historical foundation and the map of its neighborhoods? There’s no guarantee that it will, but it could. Institutional policies and practices are created and carried out by individuals, and when those individuals have homogeneous social networks, they too often lack empathy for those whose lives are outside their own frame of reference.” 

It may feel like having dialogues with friends, family, and acquaintances is not enough, but Tatum emphasizes that small changes can lead to big changes. Here, she discusses how the Atlanta Friendship Initiative has the power to foster greater empathy across social boundaries. Although people tend to think in “us versus them” terms, opening up a person’s social network can expand who they consider to be “us.”