Thicker than Water: A Memoir

Nonfiction | Autobiography / Memoir | Adult | Published in 2023

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Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Prologue-Chapter 3

Chapters 4-6

Chapters 7-9

Chapters 10-12

Chapter 13-Epilogue

Key Figures

Themes

Symbols & Motifs

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Tools

Beta

Discussion Questions

Themes

Searching for Truth and Trust

Content Warning: The source material contains depictions of sexual assault, infertility issues, and disordered eating and exercise.

In the book’s front matter, before the Prologue, Kerry Washington openly explains her goal in writing Thicker Than Water: “This book is the result of my attempts to make sense of myself and my family and to accept the truth about who we are” (i). This statement establishes that the book explores only the contributing details in Kerry’s life that helped her understand herself better. She tracks her time as a kid when she felt like her parents hid something from her, the effect such secrecy had on her, and her ability to stand on her own and find herself.

Kerry always sensed a barrier between herself and her family and “longed for an authentic connection with my parents” (31). Until she learned that her biological father was an anonymous sperm donor, however, she was unaware of what was causing that disconnect, even if “[s]omething was missing, something felt wrong” (31). This feeling was not rooted in her being biologically unrelated to her father (though it was possible that she still was since her parents had had sex the night her mom conceived) but rather in the fact that her parents had kept it from her.

In addition, her parents attempted to keep other secrets from her, increasing her sense of disconnection. When they fought, that “[p]art of me wanted them to know that I knew, that I heard them […] I wanted to be in truth, even then” (66). The feeling of being a people-pleaser and pretending to be alright even when she wasn’t solidified further when she was sexually assaulted as a child. When the perpetrator gaslighted her, claiming that nothing had happened, she felt like she couldn’t trust her sense of self: He took “the very thing that is most important to each of us—our ability to know and trust ourselves” (73). She didn’t want to cause trouble for the boy, prioritizing his well-being over her own, just as she gave precedence to her parents’ desire for her to be perfect and not cause trouble. As a result of their secrecy and this trauma, Kerry retreated into the truths of others through the roles she was cast in as an actor. Each part was both an escape from the truth of her life and a chance to “explore what being human could feel like […] Each character needed me […] to tell their truth” (88). Because Kerry’s parents had modeled performance and secrecy, she did not give herself the same dignity she gave her characters, the feeling of being “in truth” (31).

However, almost by accident, she found ways to explore her own truth through acting and through the roles she played. She “went to the imaginary, looking for some truth. And I found it there” (33). Inhabiting her characters bolstered her confidence, and as Olivia Pope and therefore first on Scandal’s call sheet, she also had to be a leader, giving priority to her voice as Kerry Washington. As a result, when her parents revealed the secret of her parentage, she had some sense of who she was. The news likewise explained what she had known all along: that something was missing. Knowing the truth enabled her to trust her instincts more. She “could go forward; [she] could keep searching ahead for the truth,” as she had learned to do working with Jamie Foxx on Ray (191). She applied this lesson to her life, causing her to tell her father, “I understand why you made the choices you made, but those are not my choices. I don’t want to lie about who I am” (272). This decision to stand up for herself and to honor her understanding of herself represented a marked difference from the Kerry Washington who always put others before herself.

Acting and Activism

Kerry’s artistry as an actor took on new meeting when she became increasingly involved in the political environment around her. She understood that her presence in the acting world was political in that Black actors were under-represented in Hollywood, and Kerry often made specific choices to be authentic to her experience as a Black woman. Additionally, she also became purposeful in how she chose to use her fame in the political sphere, in the acting world, and in the moments where those overlapped.

From a young age, Kerry’s involvement in the Serving Teens through Arts Resources (STAR) program made her more comfortable with discussing difficult topics like sex education or drug and alcohol use. Her involvement in this space helped her grow as an actor to find her voice and discover how to immerse herself in certain roles (and the improvisational nature of the show’s “talkbacks” was especially crucial to this). In addition, her roles in the STAR program made her aware of the connection between art and community. It was “[t]he work that felt most fulfilling” (127) when she was young, especially since her parents began to put more pressure on her to book roles.

Writing about how she became involved in politics through the Obama campaign, she emphasizes that her “pull toward civic engagement is born of my understanding that each of us has a valuable perspective” (209). Being on the campaign trail allowed her to be in community with folks and encourage them to remember that their voices mattered. In addition, it was critical to her development as a person because it gave her a “freedom” that helped her break the habit of projecting the appearance of being in control or being “perfect”. After all, life on the campaign trail was not always routine and could not be controlled.

Finally, Kerry’s political involvement mattered in terms of what roles she took, even if the films or shows themselves were not making an explicitly political statement. Through the STAR program, Kerry “started to understand the power of representation, the power of content to change how [people] think and feel and behave” (108). The scripts of both Django Unchained and in Scandal showcased the strength and power of Black women, emphasizing for Kerry the “connection between the craft of acting and a belief in the importance of human rights” (209). She knew that her choices to bring these characters to life would matter to American culture as a whole and to individual people who saw themselves or their families reflected in her roles.

Performing as Others to Perform as Oneself

Kerry Washington sees herself as an artist and performer, and she embraces not only the act of performance but also its study. While at first, she used her performances to escape from feeling like she did not truly know or understand herself, she was eventually able to inhabit her own body and to foreground her “role” as herself. To do this, she opened herself up to her experiences through travel, in the acting industry, and in learning her family’s truth.

After Kerry’s sexual assault by a childhood friend and the gaslighting she experienced from him, her feeling of separation from herself and her ability to trust herself made acting a place in which she could step outside of who she was and into a role. She was already attempting to play a specific part in her parents’ lives, one in which she needed to be perfect. As “the good girl,” she “tucked away the fear and started to develop a role, a character that would stay with [her]” (69). This, she believed, would help mend her parents’ marriage, even at the expense of being authentically herself with them: “What they preferred was a performance” (87). Kerry later describes how she felt like she took on a supporting role in their lives and their stories.

As an actor, Kerry used her roles to take the place of her real life. She immersed herself in characters, learning to walk like Anita Hall or talk like Ugandan Kay Amin. Especially in the beginning of her career, she “did not reach for connections that were real and true; instead, [she] wanted to perform and escape into the hidden canyons of [her] imagination” (113). These roles each provided a life that wasn’t Kerry’s, but in turn, each role shaped Kerry and taught her more about herself. Through portraying women who were leaders and who struggled with their own feelings of vulnerability, Kerry stepped further into herself: “It was as if these women, these powerful characters, were each trying to teach me something. […] And because I struggled with fully understanding myself, my learning came through these characters” (177). Perhaps most critical were her roles as Olivia Pope on the TV show Scandal and Anita Hall in the film Confirmation. As Olivia Pope, Kerry was a woman who was “more powerful, assertive, elegant, emotionally expressive” (239) showing Kerry that she did not always have to have her life in order, that she could be all those things and be “messy.” As a Black woman leading a network TV series, Kerry had to embody many of Olivia’s characteristics for the show to even survive, forcing herself to watch her performances on screen week after week when she had long struggled with her body image. In playing Anita Hill, Kerry wrestled with her childhood sexual assault and its lasting impact on her life, feeling that her role as Anita was an outlet for her to express the emotion of what happened to her, bringing her catharsis.