The Whispers

Related to society’s expectations of mothers are the so-called “Mommy Wars,” a term that arose in the 1990s to refer to disputes over whether it was better for mothers to work outside the home or raise their children full-time. One woman’s choice to stay home with her children may result in other mothers’ judgment, as though she is damaging the advances women have made in society or lacks identity and independence. It can also lead to a kind of “social demotion” for such mothers, just as Blair feels when she cannot contribute to the conversation with the working-mothers group (Thompson, Tracy. “A War Inside Your Head.” The Washington Post, 15 Feb. 1998). Another mother’s choice to work outside the home may cause other mothers to judge her for not spending as much time as possible with her children, or to find her cold and selfish for putting career goals ahead of family. Rather than support one another, mothers sometimes cast aspersions at one another to feel better about their own choices. Thus, Whitney doesn’t contribute much to other mothers’ group texts; she knows that other women like to judge her because she makes them feel bad about themselves. Blair even snoops in Whitney’s home to confirm that Blair has made “right” choices.

The competition among mothers doesn’t stop at questions of employment. Some mothers lose their baby weight and return to their pre-maternity selves, like Whitney. Some mothers’ bodies remain changed, like Blair. This too can be grounds for judgment, as when Blair criticizes Whitney for not wearing a bra at her children’s party or when Whitney looks so disparagingly at Blair’s dowdy shorts that Blair immediately throws them away. In The Whispers, one doesn’t even have to have children to get caught up in the competition. Blair thinks that Rebecca cannot possibly understand Mara’s loss of Marcus because Rebecca is childless, as though Rebecca’s empathy is automatically inferior to any mother’s ability to feel. Audrain implies that such attitudes have far-reaching consequences for women’s lives: Whitney didn’t even want to be a mother until her friends started treating motherhood like an accomplishment. Similarly, women who struggle to become mothers—like Rebecca—are made to feel inadequate, as though their womanhood has been compromised.

In the decades since the coining of the term, the origins and nature of the “Mommy Wars” have inspired much commentary. One common argument is that such conflicts stem from competition among women living under patriarchy. Women are already less powerful than men and must often fight for the same legal and economic rights. This relative dependence and a sense of powerlessness go together. In an apparent attempt to acquire a modicum of power, many women think of other women as competition, leading to Female Rivalry. However, the very idea of “Mommy Wars” has also attracted criticism both on the grounds that it applies to a very narrow segment of society (white, heterosexual, and upper-middle class) and on the grounds that it perpetuates sexism itself by framing disagreement among women as catty infighting (Lock, Kim. “The ‘Mommy Wars’ Are Patriarchy’s Latest Attempt to Control Women.” The Guardian, 27 Oct. 2015). Some reviews of The Whispers have implied that it falls into the latter trap, with Kirkus faulting the novel’s “heavy-handed treatment of motherhood” (“The Whispers.” Kirkus Reviews, 27 March 2023).