The Rosie Project

“It seems hardly possible to analyze such a complex situation involving deceit and supposition of another person’s emotional response, and then prepare your own plausible lie, all while someone is waiting for you to reply to a question. Yet that is exactly what people expect you to be able to do” 

Here, Don explains one difficulty he has in social situations. His brain is not wired the same way as most people’s are, resulting in both hilarious and painful interactions. Don’s insights offer a view into thought processes that most people take for granted. Repeatedly, throughout the novel, Don offers his critique of the hypocrisies of typical adult social exchanges.

“‛Professor Tillman. Most of us here are not scientists, so you may need to be a little less technical.’ This sort of thing is incredibly annoying. People can tell you the supposed characteristics of a Gemini or a Taurus and will spend five days watching a cricket match, but cannot find the interest or the time to learn the basics of what they, as humans, are made up of” 

Don gives an example of his frustrations with “regular” people, emphasizing his difference from many other people. Don has a rational and scientific approach to all aspects of life.

“‛Fault! Asperger’s isn’t a fault. It’s a variant. It’s potentially a major advantage. Asperger’s syndrome is associated with organization, focus, innovative thinking, and rational detachment’” 

Don explains to a group of Asperger kids’ parents the current genetic understanding of Asperger’s Syndrome, which is also referred to as an Autism Spectrum Disorder. He defends the positive aspects and qualities of people with Asperger’s.

“I have heard the word stunning to describe women, but it was the first time I had actually been stunned by one. It was not just the costume or the jewelry or any individual characteristic of Rosie herself: it was their combined effect. I was not sure if her appearance would be regarded as conventionally beautiful or even acceptable to the restaurant that had rejected my jacket. Stunning was the perfect word for it” 

Don is bowled over by Rosie; he’s attracted to her. Her unconventional behavior and appearance do not put him off as they might a more conventional man. At every turn, she shows herself to be a force to be reckoned with.

“She was destroying my apartment!” 

Rosie invades Don’s life and he loves it. Though he’s incredibly uncomfortable at first with her being in his apartment and looking over everything, he does not protest when she moves furniture on the balcony or puts on music. She just takes over, but in a way that improves Don’s life. His comment is both serious and jocular. Don makes a profound statement about change: in order to bring about something new, the old must be destroyed.

“Humans often fail to see what is close to them and obvious to others” 

Don marvels at humans’ inability to see themselves. This statement takes on an additional irony because the reader knows that Don himself cannot see what is close to him. He fails to see his own social blunders and misreads other people’s emotions and statements. He also cannot see his true feelings for Rosie, though it is obvious to Don’s friends—and the reader—that he cares for her.

“Then she put on some music—very loud rock music, Now she really couldn’t hear me. I was being kidnapped! We drove for ninety-four minutes. I could not see the speedometer and was not accustomed to traveling in an open vehicle, but I estimated that we were consistently exceeding the speed limit.

Discordant sound, wind, risk of death—I tried to assume the mental state that I used at the dentist” 

Don is amazed by Rosie’s ability to shake up his life. He doesn’t even protest. Even at this early point in the novel, Rosie has the ability to get past Don’s defenses, and he allows her to do things with him that he would never allow others to do. Though he is initially resistant to each change, he eventually finds that he enjoys himself.

“‛You can’t go through life not listening to music’” 

Rosie explains one of life’s basics to Don. This is one of the many times that Rosie brings more excitement, connection, and experience into Don’s life. He learns that things are pleasurable that he had never considered or that he simply did not know how to bring into his own life. Rosie demonstrates here, as she does on many other occasions, how good a friend she can be for Don.

“Hurtling back to town, in a red Porsche driven by a beautiful woman, with the song playing, I had the sense of standing on the brink of another world. I recognized the feeling, which, if anything, became stronger as the rain started falling and the convertible roof malfunctioned so we were unable to raise it. It was the same feeling that I had experienced looking over the city after the Balcony Meal, and again after Rosie had written down her phone number. Another world, another life, proximate but inaccessible” 

Don experiences contentment in the company of another person, Rosie. Not used to being happy and relaxed in the company of others, Don marvels at this new feeling, which results from his growing intimacy and friendship with Rosie. His relationship with Rosie simply makes him happy.

“Research consistently shows that the risks to health outweigh the benefits of drinking alcohol. My argument is that the benefits to my mental health justify the risks” 

Don proves that he doesn’t always do the most rational, scientifically-proven thing. He drinks alcohol. He finds that it helps reduce his social anxiety while elevating his mood. 

“But why, why, why can’t people say what they mean?” 

Don once again laments the colloquial sayings or opaque language that prevents him from understanding what people mean. Here, he is responding specifically to his boss at the reunion asking him ‘what’s your poison?’ instead of asking what Don wants to drink. Don constantly has to check with people what their intended meaning is.

“It may have been due to the effect of the gordo blanco on my cognitive functions, but I was suddenly overwhelmed by an extraordinary feeling—not of satisfaction but of absolute joy. It was the feeling I had in the Museum of Natural History and when I was making cocktails. We started dancing again, and this time I allowed myself to focus on the sensations of my body moving to the beat of the song from my childhood and of Rosie moving to the same rhythm” 

Don experiences joy, once again, while in Rosie’s company. She forces him to get out on the dance floor after his disastrous dance with Bianca. She won’t let him be a laughing stock, and she helps him to replace that bad memory with a good one.

“‛You’re unbelievable,’ said Rosie. ‘Look at me when I’m talking.’

I kept looking out the window. I was already over-stimulated. ‘I know what you look like’”

When Don is emotionally overwhelmed he loses the ability to be social. He cannot maintain eye contact when he’s upset; it’s too stimulating for his nervous system. What others interpret as rudeness or dismissal of their ideas, as Rosie does here, is actually a coping mechanism so that Don can continue to function.

Gene told me the next day that I got it wrong. But he was not in a taxi, after an evening of total sensory overload, with the most beautiful woman in the world. I believed I did well. I detected the trick question. I wanted Rosie to like me, and I remembered her passionate statement about men treating women as objects. She was testing to see if I saw her as an object or as a person. Obviously the correct answer was the latter.

‘I haven’t really noticed,’ I told the most beautiful woman in the world” 

Don believes that he is supporting Rosie’s need to be treated in a fair and non-sexist manner, but ends up making a serious social, and romantic, error. In this particular social situation, Don should have supported Rosie’s romantic, not platonic, needs. There is no indication at this point that Don recognizes that he is making a mistake.

“‛But I’m not good at understanding what other people want.’

‘Tell me something I don’t know,’ said Rosie for no obvious reason.

I quickly searched my mind for an interesting fact. ‘Ahhh … The testicles of drone bees and wasp spiders explode during sex’” 

Don demonstrates his literal interpretation of other people’s conversational gambits. He frequently does not recognize sarcasm, particularly when the other person indicates by tone of voice something that is the opposite of what is said.

“I met Rosie at the airport. She remained uncomfortable about me purchasing her ticket, so I told her she could pay me back by selecting some Wife Project applicants for me to date.

'Fuck you,’ she said. It seemed we were friends again” 

Don once again demonstrates his lack of social perception. He also hurts Rosie’s feelings, but he is unaware of this. She is beginning to like Don, but he fails to pick up on her cues. Here, he specifically misses the fact that she does not want to help Don by picking out someone else for him to date; she wants to date him herself.

“’It would be unreasonable to give you credit for being incredibly beautiful’” 

Don has trouble maintaining his distance from Rosie in New York.

“And it dawned on me that I had not designed the questionnaire to find a woman I could accept, but to find someone who might accept me”

Don has an insightful realization. The characteristics that he is looking for in his questionnaire are actually the characteristics that he possesses already. At the beginning of the Wife Project, he did not know what he actually needed in a partner, only what he thought he needed. He now realizes that he has been looking for love and acceptance all along.

“I had, to some extent, become comfortable with being socially odd. At school, I had been the unintentional class clown and eventually the intentional one. It was time to grow up” 

Don realizes that he has not confronted his problems with social interaction; he has deliberately hidden behind a cultivated oddness to avoid having to deal with his social skills. As a result of his desire to please Rosie, he realizes the value of good social skills in avoiding embarrassing himself or people he cares about, for the first time. Even if Rosie does not accept him, Don knows that it is time for him to make this change.

“‛If you really love someone,' Claudia continued, 'you have to be prepared to accept them as they are. Maybe you hope that one day they get a wake-up call and make the changes for their own reasons’”

Claudia tries to help Don understand that changing, as he is changing his behavior, in order to impress another person may not work out well in the end. A person has to make changes on their own; otherwise that person might resent the changes he makes to get or to keep a relationship. Don realizes that Claudia is also referring to Gene and his philandering here. Don is confident that he needs to make the changes he is making, so he doesn’t believe that this statement applies to him.

“‘Exactly,’ I said. ‘You think people see you as a Casanova. You know what? I don’t care what other people think of you, but, if you want to know, they think you’re a jerk. And they’re right, Gene. You’re fifty-six years old with a wife and two kids, though for how much longer I don’t know. Time you grew up. I’m telling you that as a friend’” 

Don’s attempts to improve his understanding of societal norms and acceptable social behavior lead him to the realization that his best friend isn’t a good role model. Don comes to understand the cost of Gene’s womanizing ways and he no longer admires Gene for his way with women. Part of this understanding comes as a result of talking with Claudia; during these conversations, Don sees the pain that Gene’s behavior causes her. Don has become much more empathetic.

“‘I need a minute to think,’ she said. I automatically started the timer on my watch. Suddenly Rosie started laughing. I looked at her, understandably puzzled at this outburst in the middle of a critical life decision.

‘The watch,’ she said. ‘I say “I need a minute” and you start timing. Don is not dead’” 

Don asks Rosie to marry him, after changing his appearance and mannerisms. However, he proves that his underlying personality remains unchanged.

“Nothing would change the fault in my brain that made me unacceptable” 

Don laments the way that his mind works; which makes Rosie believe that he is incapable of loving her. Don is devastated that all of his hard work has not made him acceptable to Rosie. He says this after Rosie refuses his marriage proposal.