The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Charlie buys more pot from Bob, who says he has a “very specific way of living” (146), like how he only showers every other day but weighs his stash daily. Bob goes to school part-time at the local community college and wants to be a chef. Bob tells Charlie that Brad’s dad caught Patrick and Brad together, and “Brad’s father started beating Brad. Not a slap kind of beating. A belt kind. A real kind” (147). Patrick wanted to help, but Brad yelled and told him to leave.

Bob says that Patrick is in bad shape after everything, so Charlie sneaks into The Rocky Horror Picture show: “I just wanted to see Patrick play Frank’n Furter just like he always does because I knew that if I saw that, I knew he would be okay. Just like my sister getting mad at me for smoking cigarettes” (147). After seeing all his friends on stage, Charlie misses them even more. That night, as he drives home, he talks to himself and imagines they’re beside him.

When he goes home, he tries to watch a movie with his sister and her new boyfriend, Erik, but they want to be alone. He goes to his room and reads the new book Bill gave him, The Stranger.

Charlie begins a letter reflecting on how his life is in a constant state of flux: “It’s strange how things can change back as suddenly as they changed originally. When one things happens and suddenly, things are back to normal” (149). Brad comes back to school. Although he doesn’t look beaten or bruised, he seems sad. It’s clear that Brad is purposefully avoiding Patrick.

During lunch, Brad is eating lunch with his football friends, when Patrick walks up to him. Brad ignores him, so Patrick starts to walk away. Then Brad calls him a “faggot” (150). Patrick goes back to the table and punches Brad. Brad and Patrick start fighting, but it gets much worse when Brad’s friends jump in. Charlie can’t stand to see Patrick being hurt, so he jumps in, too:

I don’t really want to go into detail except to say that by the end of it, Brad and two of his buddies stopped fighting and just stared at me. His other two friends were lying on the ground. One was clutching the knee I bashed in with one of those metal cafeteria chairs. The other one was holding his face. I kind of swiped at his eyes, but not too bad. I didn’t want to be too bad (151).

Charlie tells Brad if he ever does this to Patrick again, that he would blind him. Charlie and Brad get detention, and on the first day, Brad tells Charlie that he’s thankful he stopped his friends from hurting Patrick. When Charlie leaves detention, Sam is waiting for him outside. She says that he really hurt Mary Elizabeth, but that she’s over it now and they can all be friends again. He goes to The Rocky Horror Picture Show that night and apologizes to Mary Elizabeth. She’s now dating one of Craig’s friends named Peter, and she seems really happy with him. In fact, he overhears her telling Alice that she’s “much happier with Peter because he’s ‘opinionated’ and they had debates” (154). She says Charlie was too quiet and passive. Patrick decides to officially quit his role in the show.

Charlie and Patrick are hanging out all the time. The morning after the show, Patrick shows up to Charlie’s house, and his appearance concerns Charlie:

He wearing the same clothes he wore the night before. He hadn’t showered or anything. I don’t even think he went to bed. He was just wide awake on coffee and cigarettes and Mini Thins, which are these small pills you can buy at Quick Marts or Truck stops. They keep you awake! They’re not illegal either, but they make you thirsty (156).

Patrick and Charlie listen to the mixtape he made him for the Secret Santa, and Patrick tells him about how he feels hopeful that things will be different in college, although he doesn’t look hopeful. They go to a movie, get pizza, and then that night Patrick shows Charlie all they places that he and Brad would secretly go.

They end up at the golf course, get drunk, and share random stories with each other. Afterwards, they sober up with coffee and Patrick drives Charlie home. While in the driveway, Patrick thanks Charlie for helping him in the lunchroom:  “We hugged goodnight, and when I was just about to let go, he held me a little tighter. And he moved his face to mine. And he kissed me. A real kiss. Then, he pulled away real slow” (160). Patrick immediately apologizes, but Charlie says it’s okay, so he kisses him again. Charlie just lets him, “because that’s what friends are for” (161).

Charlie writes about how he’s been spending more time with Patrick and consuming alcohol regularly: “It seems like every morning since that first night, I wake up dull, and my head hurts, and I can’t breathe. Patrick and I have been spending a lot of time together. We drink a lot. Actually, it’s more like Patrick drinks, and I sip” (161). Charlie feels bad that Patrick is hurting so badly, so he just follows Patrick around wherever he wants to go.

Charlie, in trying to be sensitive to Patrick’s heartbreak, even accompanies him when Patrick looks for a sexual partner:

One night Patrick took me to this park where men go to find each other. Patrick told me that if I didn’t want to be bothered by anyone that I should just not make eye contact. He said that eye contact is how you agree to fool around anonymously. Nobody talks. They just find places to go (161).

Patrick finds someone he likes and leaves Charlie alone on a bench. While he’s smoking, a guy approaches Charlie and asks him for a light. Charlie realizes it’s the guy who does the sports segment on the TV news and asks him what it’s like to be on TV. The man quickly walks away.

Another night, Patrick takes Charlie to a place that sells “poppers, which is a drug you inhale” (163). Instead of poppers, they get something in an aerosol can and sniff it: “I swear we both thought we were going to die of a heart attack” (163). They go to karaoke bars and night clubs, and “[s]ometimes, Patrick would pick up guys. Sometimes he wouldn’t. He said that it was hard being safe. And you never know” (163).

Later, Patrick sees Brad at the park where men go to meet anonymously: “Patrick didn’t say anything. He didn’t do anything. He just walked back to the car. And we drove home in silence. On the way, he threw the bottle of wine out the window. And it landed with a crash” (163). Patrick doesn’t kiss Charlie when he drops him off. Instead, he just thanks him for being his friend.

The seniors—like Sam, Patrick, Mary Elizabeth, and Charlie’s sister—are all preparing for graduation and prom. Bill says he’s feeling sentimental because his first year of teaching is coming to an end. Instead of giving him a new book, Bill gives Charlie a list of movies to watch and asks him to write an essay about what he thinks. The list includes The Graduate, Harold and Maude, Life as a Dog, Dead Poet’s Society, and The Unbelievable Truth. Charlie watches all the movies in one day.

The final book Bill gives him is The Fountainhead, “and it’s very long” (165). Bill tells Charlie to “[b]e skeptical about this one. It’s a great book. But try to be a filter, not a sponge” (165). Patrick has stopped drinking since seeing Brad in the park, and he is excited for college.

Charlie is enjoying The Fountainhead and is inspired by how the author came to America from Russia and became a great writer. He tries to write a story but can’t think of anything after the first sentence. He wishes he were graduating like all his friends, and he wonders what it will be like for him someday.

Charlie writes about the senior prank, which “is supposed to signify the end of school” (167). Students filled the pool with Kool-Aid, and even though Charlie had been previously sad about not being a senior, he’s “very happy not to have gym” (167).

Everyone has figured out which schools they’ll be going to, and Charlie has finished The Fountainhead. He feels changed after reading the novel: “It’s strange to describe reading a book as a really great experience, but that’s kind of how it felt. It was a different book from the others because it wasn’t about being a kid” (169).

Charlie tells his psychiatrist about his friends graduating and the book, but he doesn’t understand why the doctor seems more interested in Charlie’s childhood: “[H]e just keeps asking me questions about when I was younger. The thing is I feel that I’m just repeating the same memories to him. I don’t know. He says it’s important. I guess we’ll have to see” (169).

He recalls the time he has spent with his friend, who will be graduating soon:

I wanted to tell you about us running. There was this beautiful sunset. And there was this hill. The hill up to the eighteenth green where Patrick and I spit wine from laughing. And just a few hours before, Sam and Patrick and everyone I love and know had their last day of high school ever. And I was happy because they were happy (170).

They all go to their last Rocky Horror production, and Charlie even gets his sister to attend. Afterwards, they all go to Craig’s house for a party. Mostly everyone at the party has a significant other, but since Charlie doesn’t, he plays DJ for the night: “When they looked like they wanted to talk, I played something soft. It was a great way to sit alone at a party and still feel a part of things” (172).

It’s prom night, and Charlie is alone: “And I am sitting in my room. Yesterday was difficult because I didn’t know anybody since all my friends and sister were no longer in school” (172). Charlie is sad because Sam is leaving in two weeks to attend Penn State’s summer program. He hopes that prom will be “great for the people whom it’s supposed to be great for” (173).

Charlie tries calling Sam and Patrick, but they are still sleeping after all the prom festivities. He thinks school is terribly lonely now that all his friends are gone. Bill invites Charlie to hang out with him and his girlfriend over the weekend, which Charlie thinks “sounds like fun” (174).

After prom, Sam and Craig break up. Craig has been cheating on Sam the entire time, and Peter forces Craig to tell Sam the truth. Peter really likes Mary Elizabeth, and he wants it to be clear that he is nothing like Craig, despite being his friend. Charlie reflects on Sam’s breakup and realizes how much he cares for her:

I realized something. Something that I think is important. I realized that throughout the course of the evening, I wasn’t happy about Craig and Sam breaking up. Not at all […] All I cared about was the fact that Sam got really hurt. And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love her. Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn’t matter(179).

Charlie goes to Bill’s house and notices that he “looks different without a suit. He was wearing his old graduate school T-shirt. Which was Brown. The school. Not the color. His girlfriend was wearing sandals and a nice flowered dress. She even had hair under her arms. No kidding! They looked very happy together” (180). Charlie sees how happy Bill is and in turn is happy for his English teacher. They eat lunch and talk about The Fountainhead. Charlie opens up about how much he loves Sam, and Bill says he wants to thank Charlie: “Because it has been a wonderful experience teaching you” (181). Then he says that the reason he gave Charlie all the extracurricular reading is because he is the most gifted person he has ever known and incredibly smart: “I just want you to know that you’re very special… and the only reason I’m telling you is that I don’t know if anyone else ever has” (181). Bill says that if Charlie ever needs anything at any time in the future, he’s there for him.

Charlie hugs Bill and starts to cry. As he’s driving home, he thinks about how the only person to ever call him “special”(182) was his aunt Helen.

It’s Charlie’s last day of school, and he rides home on the bus and thinks about how everyone looks so different. On Saturday night his brother comes home, and “he looked even more different than the kids on the school bus looked compared to the beginning of the year” (184). He has a beard, is smiley, and acting more courteous than usual.

Charlie’s family comes to see his sister graduate. His grandpa almost makes a scene by saying racists comments during the ceremony, but Charlie’s brother intervenes, and things are relatively peaceful afterwards. His sister gives a speech because she graduated top of her class. Afterwards, the family has a big party, but Charlie can’t wait to go see Sam and Patrick. His family leaves at 9:30 pm and he’s finally allowed to go see his friends.

Everyone is at a dance club downtown. Charlie finds Mary Elizabeth and Peter first, and he talks with them until Sam comes over. She pulls Charlie onto the dance floor, and her “whisper smelled like cranberry juice and vodka” as she talks to him (193). They dance to a lot of fast songs, and then when a slow song comes on they move close together: “It was the one time all day that I really wanted the clock to stop. And just be there for a long time” (193).

Afterwards, they go to Peter’s apartment and Charlie gives everyone their graduation presents. He gives Patrick one half of the extracurricular books he read over the year, and Sam the other half: “Under the books was a card that I wrote using the typewriter paper Sam bought me. The cards said that these were my copies of all my favorite books, and I wanted Sam and Patrick to have them because they were my two favorite people in the whole world” (194).

Charlie hangs around with Sam while she prepares to leave for the summer classes at Penn State. On the night before she leaves, everyone hangs out to say goodbye. After everyone leaves, it’s just Sam and Charlie left. Sam asks him if he would stay with her while she finishes packing, and they go to her room. She looks sad and asks him why he didn’t ask her out after Craig broke up with her. He reminds her that although he loves her, she told him not to think of her that way at the beginning of the year. She says that she can’t feel his love:

[I]t’s like you’re not even there sometimes. It’s great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about when someone doesn’t need a shoulder. What if they need the arms or something like that? You can’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can’t. You have to do things (200).

She asks him why he didn’t kiss her while they were dancing, and he says it’s because he didn’t think she wanted him to. Then she asks him why he let Patrick kiss him despite that he didn’t want him to, and he says it’s because he was trying to be a good friend. She tells him to do what he wants to do, so he kisses her, and she kisses him back. They lay on the floor and keep kissing and touch each other all over:“She took my hand and slid it under her pants. And I touched her. And I just couldn’t believe it. It was like everything made sense. Until she moved her hand under my pants, and she touched me. That’s when I stopped her” (202). She asks Charlie what’s wrong, and he responds that he doesn’t know. He explains that it feels good, but he’s getting anxious and upset and doesn’t know why.

Charlie is in such a terrible state of crying and anxiety that Sam tells him to lie down on the couch. Right before he falls asleep, he tells her that they can’t do that anymore, and that he’s sorry: “But I wasn’t talking to Sam anymore. I was talking to someone else” (203). When he falls asleep, he has a dream: “My brother and my sister and I were watching television with my Aunt Helen. Everything was in slow motion. The sound was thick. And she was doing what Sam was doing. That’s when I woke up” (204).

When he wakes up, he has breakfast with Sam and Patrick. She looks worried about Charlie. Before she leaves, she whispers in his ear that it’s okay that he wasn’t ready to have sex and that she’ll miss him. Sam leaves, and Charlie feels alone again: “It wasn’t until I couldn’t see the cars that I came back and things started feeling bad again. But this time, they felt much worse” (205). Charlie gets into his dad’s car and drives. He hears songs, but the radio isn’t on. When he gets home, he leaves the car running and goes inside. He sits down in front of the TV and watches shows, but the TV isn’t on. He’s starting to think that the dream he had about his aunt Helen was true.

He says he must stop writing the letter because he’s thinking about too many bad things. He thanks the recipient of the letter for being the kind of person who “wouldn’t mind receiving letters from a kid. The kind of person who would understand how they were better than a diary because there is communion and a diary can be found” (206). The recipient is someone Charlie heard about through a girl’s conversation to another girl at school. However, Charlie never addresses the recipient by name.

Charlie resumes writing and explains his absence:

I’ve been in the hospital for the past two months. They just released me yesterday. The doctor told me that my mother and father found me sitting on the couch in the family room. I was completely naked, just watching television, which wasn’t on. I wouldn’t speak or snap out of it (208).

While in the hospital, he would remember his aunt Helen and cry. After speaking with a woman doctor, Charlie begins to confront and accept his childhood abuse: “I kind of figured out that everything I dreamt about my aunt Helen was true. And after a while, I realized that happened every Saturday when we would watch television. The first few weeks in the hospital were very hard” (209). Charlie’s parents had no idea. His mother cries uncontrollably when she finds out, and his dad looks angry.

Charlie writes how the best part about being in the hospital was that everyone came to visit him. He decides that he can’t blame his aunt Helen for his problems:

[I]f I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won’t tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn’t change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have (211).

Sam comes back after her summer classes. She, Patrick, and Charlie drive under the tunnel. This time, they let Charlie stand up in the back of the truck, and he cries:

I was suddenly very aware of the fact that it was me standing up in that tunnel with the wind over my face. Not caring if I saw downtown. Not even thinking about it. Because I was standing in the tunnel. And I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite (213).

He tells the recipient of the letter that if this happens to be his last letter, “please believe that things are good […] and even when they’re not, they will be soon enough” (213). Charlie expresses that he will reciprocate the sentiment.