The Most Fun We Ever Had

“Of course she needed him, on a molecular level, the deepest kind of human need. But she didn’t need his help.”

These words represent the changing nature of Marilyn and David’s relationship. Their children are grown in Chapter 1, and Marilyn is running a hardware store while David is retired. Marilyn realizes that she can take care of herself, but she still has a deeper need for David.

“[B]ecause of course there was no such thing as normalcy when it came to her sister, because of course she wasn’t entitled to a post-naptime snuggle with her baby boy, not as long as Wendy was around to light fires and push her buttons.”

These words describe a crucial aspect of Wendy’s character, her attraction to drama. They also describe Violet’s desire for normalcy and her desire to parent and protect her two youngest children. Finally, they present the degree to which Violet ignores the needs of others and prioritizes her own well-being. At this point in their lives, Wendy has been there for Violet in her times of need whereas Violet has not been there for Wendy.

“‘I already love him,’ she snapped. ‘I fucking gave birth to him.’” 

These words represent Violet’s conflicting feelings about Jonah. She is worried about his reappearance in her life will affect her reputation, her relationship with her husband, and her youngest two sons, the two she chose to raise. She wants to protect her boys from Jonah, but while she does not readily accept him into her life, she feels a sense of connection to him because he is her son.

“Both of them half-naked under the ginkgo tree in her father’s backyard: the house on Fair Oaks, mid-December, the leaves mostly shed but a few dangling due to a late first frost, creating shadows on the lawn that made David jump every time he noticed the movement in his peripheral vision. Their current activity was a scandal by his standards, if not by hers, but her bar would always be slightly higher.”

The first time Marilyn and David have sex, it is under the ginkgo tree in her parents’ yard. As the two eventually inherit the property, this tree provides the background for much of their life, and becomes a symbol their relationship to each other as well as their daughters. It is while working on this tree that David has his heart attack.

“Marilyn was constantly lamenting that he was disappearing while she was rapidly expanding.”

Marilyn’s life becomes more overwhelming and chaotic as she has more children. She feels somewhat neglected by her husband, who goes away to work and does not experience the chaos of home. Her physical weight here symbolizes the emotional load she carries in their relationship, and the sacrifices she makes to be a mother.

”I’m not the cool degenerate aunt who you can just—I’m an adult, Jonah. I’ve been through more shit than—”

Wendy understands how others view her, but here she asserts herself as an adult who can take care of herself. These words also demonstrate her tendency to blame her behavior on her circumstances. While she has suffered more trauma than the rest of her family has, she uses that as an excuse to act however she wants to, even if it is unhealthy.

“I feel like I don’t have enough of myself to go around.”

Marilyn says these words to Gillian at one of her prenatal appointments, expressing the difficulties of raising a large family. She feels lonely because David is so busy with work, and she is overwhelmed by taking care of her three oldest daughters while also being pregnant with her fourth. Many years later, her daughter Liza will also cry to Gillian in the doctor’s office; the past repeats itself across generations.

“So much of marital misunderstanding stemmed simply from trying to keep the peace. They both did it. Efforts to ameliorate resulted, 75 percent of the time, in fights, simply because annoyance was the most easily accessible emotion.”

Marilyn thinks about this when she and David talk after Wendy comes back from homecoming drunk. She is upset by her responsibilities, and she considers what it takes to make a marriage work, something her daughters also consider in their own marriages later on. Her marriage with David is a very happy one, but they both work hard to keep it that way, something their daughters don’t always appreciate.

“His desire for his child to be okay was stronger than anything he’d ever felt, stronger, even, than his love for his wife.”

Marilyn and David love each other more than anything. David, from his oldest daughter’s conception, has known that while he would die for his children, he would always love their mother more. He does not change that sentiment here, but he does realize that his desire for Wendy’s survival after an overdose is even stronger than his love for Marilyn, demonstrating the strength of his love for his child.

“A little smug, maybe, as she set down the last plate, one containing tiny slices of bruschetta, like Look at me, Mom, how normal I am.”

By this point in her life, Wendy is an adult and in recovery from her eating disorder. While she seemed not to care what her mother thought of her during her adolescence, here she demonstrates that she does really care about her mother’s opinion, and she wants her mother to approve of her.

“But he wasn’t doing anything wrong. And would Marilyn even care if he was?”

These words demonstrate David’s secret insecurity within his relationship. Despite having a picture-perfect marriage, he and Marilyn have their fair share of struggles over the years, and his relationship with Gillian is one of them. The fact that he feels the need to justify his actions shows that he knows that he is breaking an unspoken rule. He lacks conviction that his wife truly cares about him.

“It was actually kind of chilling because they’d never been close, certainly never show-up-in-crisis-unannounced close.”

These words underscore the bond that exists between sisters even when they are seemingly not close. Whereas Wendy and Violet’s bond is well established, she and Liza do not share the same history. Despite this, their familial bond means they can go to each other when they need support.

“You don’t understand why I haven’t felt able to talk to you lately? You’re like a ghost, Marilyn. You’re the one shutting me out. You’re the one who refuses to acknowledge that anything’s happening. And you’re such a fucking martyr that even if you did admit that, all we’d hear about is how hard things are for you.”

David says these words to Marilyn in an argument. Marilyn sees herself as the primary caregiver, who sacrifices herself and fades away for the sake of her children. David recognizes this fading away as well, but he resents it, taking it as a sign of her disinterest in their relationship.

“When Marilyn tried to imagine David and Gillian together, she had to admit she couldn’t. Her husband had been a virgin when she met him, and this gave her confidence, an upper hand that neither of them ever acknowledged. She’d never worried about David straying, and part of that was because—stupidly, she thought now—she’d been his first. His only.”

These words demonstrate how much trust Marilyn has in David even when their relationship encounters difficulties. This passage also acknowledges that their relationship’s stability relies on maintaining certain boundaries.

“The onus is—I mean, we can coddle them until we’re blue in the face but the fact is that they’re all on their own. There’s not much we can do anymore but love them and hope for the best.”

Marilyn says these words to David, after which he reminds her of the way she coddled Grace. This quote represents the fact that no matter how much parents want to protect their children from everything, they cannot, especially when those children grow up. In the end, Grace suffers from her parents’ well-meaning overprotection.

“She’s the most fun I’ve ever had.”

This is the tongue-in-cheek phrase that David and Marilyn say to each other whenever they encounter a stressful situation. Marilyn says it for the first time shortly after she has a baby. They both know this statement is ridiculous because their life is so overwhelming at the moment. David relays this inside joke to Marilyn when he is in danger of dying, drawing attention to their connection and tying the beginning of their relationship to what might be its end.

“Because Violet—fucking Violet—had always known how to save face.”

Wendy is angry after realizing that Jonah’s father is Aaron, her ex-boyfriend. She can’t believe that Violet allowed her to become involved in the latter’s pregnancy and never told her the truth. Her belief that Violet knows how to save face contrasts with Wendy’s own reputation of being a train-wreck, even though she is the one who helped her sister in her time of need.

“I used up all of my luck when I met you.”

Wendy says these words to Miles as he dies. Marilyn believes that Wendy fully developed into herself when she met Miles, and the relationship between Miles and Wendy is shown to be strong, the closest any of the daughters come to the marriage their parents have. Wendy has been through many challenges, but these words show that she is able to see her blessings, as well as how much she is about to lose.

“‘Darling,’ Marilyn’s voice was colder, though she rested a hand on Violet’s shoulder. ‘Your sister’s just lost her husband. Let’s give her a few days, okay?’”

Marilyn expresses some frustration when Violet is offended by Wendy shortly after Miles’s death. Even after failing to show up for her sister at one of her most difficult moments, Violet is still concerned about herself. This passage solidifies selfishness as one of her key characteristics.

“We’ve happened upon the nesting dolls of parenting…Every time we wash our hands of one, another materializes with a pack of Camels.”

Marilyn, talking to David, expresses the idea that parenting never ends. Despite having raised all four of their daughters to adulthood, they still have two people, Jonah and Grace, living in their home. Their children and grandchildren still need them.

“It wasn’t fair that Violet got to live this life, that Violet got an able-bodied man who loved and took care of her, that her own body produced child after healthy child, that her house had a guitar room, that she was pretty much guaranteed to never be alone again. And it especially wasn’t fair that Violet seemed unwilling to acknowledge any of this, to be grateful for the fact that she was doing okay when Wendy had been so cosmically fucked.”

Here Wendy speaks to the crux of her frustration with her sister. Wendy has struggled all her life, while Violet, her sister and the person closest to her, easily gets everything that Wendy has ever wanted—and everything she has lost. Violet’s large house adds insult to injury, because wealth was the one thing Wendy had more of than Violet.

“It’s not like they hand out little baggies of compassion at the outset and you have to ration it over the course of your life. You have to will yourself through the shit, Violet. Take one for the team on occasion. Like, for instance, when you’ve just lost a child and you’re forced to put on a brave face for your little sister’s wedding.”

Wendy and Violet confront each other with their feelings. Violet tells Wendy that she had nothing left to give, but Wendy says this is no excuse for abandoning her. Violet has a reputation in her family for being a caregiver, but she is the one who fails to give care when it is needed most.

“I think we allow ourselves to hurt the people we love the most because we know they won’t abandon us.”

This is Violet’s response when Wendy confronts her with all the ways Violet has hurt her. Wendy is annoyed by this response, but it relays a key theme in the novel, namely that family is bound together for life. Violet knew she could take advantage of Wendy and not show up for her because she trusted Wendy would never truly leave her.