The Goldfish Boy

Jake is waiting for Matthew when he returns from the graveyard, demanding to know what he and Melody have been up to. Jake tries to convince Matthew that Melody is useless, and if he wants an effective assistant, he is the one for the job. Jake is offended when Matthew declines his offer, and tells him, “you’re nothing,” before riding off on his bike (161). At home, Matthew makes a beeline for the shower, convinced that he will get ill if he does not wash immediately. Matthew reasons, “[I]f I got ill then Mum would get ill and then Dad would get ill and then […] whatever happened next would be all my fault” (161). In the shower, Sheila knocks on the door, asking Matthew if he is okay. Matthew reassures her that he is, but he is crying, thinking of Callum and how “the baby [his mom] wanted so badly died because of me” (163).

After his shower, Matthew gets an email from Melody, saying that there is not much difference between them, and that “we’re loners, you and I” (163). In another email from earlier in the day, Jake tells him he is still suspicious of Nina, reminding him of Halloween a few years ago. Matthew remembers the day well. At the time, he and Jake were still friends, and they had gone trick-or-treating around the neighborhood together. Despite their parents’ warnings, they had gone to Old Nina’s for candy. When they got to her doorstep, she invited them inside for some cake. Along the walls were photographs of a young boy, about Matthew and Jake’s age, but no photos of him grown up. In the kitchen, Nina opened her oven and remarked that Jake would be just the right size. Following that comment, Jake left the house. Matthew realized Nina meant he would be the right size for a coat she had, a boy’s coat.

Back in the present day, Matthew can hear the news report on Teddy Dawson from his room. Melissa Dawson appears on screen, begging viewers to reach out if they know anything about what happened to her son. When the news report is over, Matthew scrubs his hands 27 times.

The next day, Sheila tells Matthew about the traces of Teddy’s blood found on the blue blanket Claudia had given the police. Outside, Mr. Charles is mowing his lawn. When he sees Matthew watching from the window, he gives him a smile and a wave. After going back inside and returning with a glass of lemonade, Mr. Charles raises his glass to Matthew, beckoning him to join him. Just as Matthew is stepping away from the window, he sees Mr. Charles’s face contort into a “sinister snarl” (176).

Back in the office, Matthew has two emails. Both are from Tom, inviting him to a summer barbeque at his house. Matthew thanks him for the invitation and considers telling him about the Teddy situation, when something occurs to him. He runs down to his front door and calls for Officer Campen, who is next door. He tells Campen about how Teddy had pricked himself with a thorn the day he went missing, and had wiped the blood on the blue blanket. Soon there are two detectives in Matthew’s house, asking for more information about what he saw the day Teddy went missing. Matthew tells them about the time Casey pushed Teddy in the pond, and they deride him for standing by and watching a child nearly drown. Matthew grows defensive and chastises the detectives for not questioning Mr. Charles more, as he seems to be acting as if everything is normal. When the policemen leave, Matthew runs upstairs to wash his hands, over and over.

In his room, Matthew puts on a pair of gloves and gets to cleaning. Standing on the bed, he begins sanitizing the walls. As he cleans, he confides in Wallpaper Lion about his troubles. Matthew can hear Penny and Mr. Charles chatting outside, so he stops to observe them. When Mr. Charles goes inside, he watches Penny bend over a pile of toys by the shed and pick up a small, orange bulldozer. When Penny eventually makes eye contact with Matthew, she shudders—she has not liked him since Callum died.

Penny was the one who had watched Matthew while his parents were at the hospital for Callum’s birth. Matthew can remember how angry Penny got that night when he asked her if her own children liked her. He also remembers the sight of his parents returning home without a baby, and his mother crumbling on the floor, sobbing.

The day of Callum’s death was the day Matthew began excessively washing and cleaning: He decided, “[I]f I washed away all the germs then they couldn’t hurt anyone else” (190). For years after that, Matthew would sneak off to the bathroom and wash his hands repeatedly without anyone noticing. It was only when Hannah and Mr. Jenkins announced their pregnancy that Matthew’s cleaning and washing grew significantly worse. Matthew cleans “because Callum died, and Callum died because of me” (191).

Matthew and his family watch the latest news report on Teddy, which alleges that the toddler was seen boarding a ferry with a man and woman in Harwich. After the report, Melody comes over to see Matthew. She brings her scrapbook full of memorial cards, and explains that she only collects them because they would get thrown away if she did not. She says she keeps the cards to remember the deceased, and to honor the messages left by their loved ones. Flipping through the book, Matthew spots the memorial card his mother left on Callum’s grave; Matthew already knew she visited sometimes but had no idea she left notes. Matthew admits he still thinks her hobby is weird, but accepts her nonetheless. They next discuss Nina, and the piece of fabric stuck in her tree, and the lamp in her window. Melody agrees to find out more about Nina and blows Matthew a kiss before leaving.

Later that evening, Matthew’s dad pokes his head in his room and reports that the boy seen on the ferry was not Teddy. Matthew asks him about Old Nina, and why she keeps the lamp in her window on all the time. Brian explains that many years ago, Nina went on holiday to Norfolk with her husband, the vicar, and their son, Michael. They had been spending a week at a cottage every year since Michael was born. On the third day of the trip Michael had gone for a long walk to the sea. They realized something was wrong when Michael did not return for lunch, and alerted the coast guard. The team searched the sea, but Michael was never found. When they arrived back at the Rectory, Nina switched on the lamp in her front room window, and, after forgetting to turn it off that night, decided to leave it on permanently. She felt “the light would somehow guide her son back home” (202). Matthew imagines the reunion Nina would have with her son if he ever returned home.

Matthew wakes up early the next morning with a plan already formed. He puts on a pair of gloves and finds a pair of binoculars in his bedroom. In the office, he uses the binoculars to focus on the Rectory: the lamp is still off, and the flowers she typically waters daily have died. For almost an hour Matthew sits watching the Rectory. After about 40 minutes, he notices something. It happens quickly, but there is a flash of something fast brushing the curtain along the top windowsill. Matthew takes this to mean that Old Nina has been hiding Teddy in her house. After washing his hands, he marches to Mr. Charles’s house and tells him that Old Nina has kidnapped Teddy. Mr. Charles is unconvinced, referring to Old Nina as a friend of his. When Mr. Charles’s phone rings during their conversation, Matthew tries to get him to answer it before 13 rings. He is unsuccessful, and panics when it reaches the 13th ring. In his panicking, Matthew accidentally tells Mr. Charles to shut up so he can concentrate on counting to 20, a number he feels good about.

At home, Matthew cleans and speaks to Wallpaper Lion, lamenting the fact that no one seems to take his ideas about Teddy’s disappearance seriously. As he cleans, he notices something off: Old Nina is leaving her house, but she never goes shopping on Thursday. Matthew sends a quick email to Melody and asks her to follow Old Nina. When he does not get an immediate response, Matthew runs out the door to follow Nina himself.

Matthew follows Nina down the street, running until he realizes he is too unfit and should walk. Once he gets to town, Matthew looks through every shop window he passes, looking for Nina’s pale blue blouse. Matthew feels good for once; he feels like he is being productive and contributing. He finally sees Nina, shuffling along the street on the opposite side. When Nina sets her bag down to push a crosswalk button, she drops two balls of blue yarn onto the sidewalk. Matthew immediately deduces that she is planning on knitting a new blanket for Teddy.

Standing near a bus stop, Matthew gets caught in a crowd of people. Unable to stick to his plan, Matthew needs to go home to wash. Before he leaves, he sees Nina coming out of a newsstand, heading home. Something in a shop window catches her eye. When she leaves, Matthew sprints to the shop to see what she was looking at. In the window is a display advertising pull-up diapers.