The First to Die at the End

“I just got to be present. I might not make it to the future, but I can live in the now.”

The novel moves through moments where Orion is unsure whether he will live or die. Orion has spent his whole life thinking that his life will end soon, and first Death-Cast and then Valentino’s heart provide him with a way to have a long life. His focus on the now also helps him to be with Valentino on his End Day, as he constantly pushes Valentino to be optimistic and do everything he would like to do on that day.

“Death-Cast will make sure I’m never denied a goodbye ever again.”

Orion lost his parents on September 11, 2001, because they were in the Twin Towers when one of the planes hit. He was not able to say goodbye, which has haunted him, and he frequently imagines what it would have been like if his parents had not died. Because of his heart condition, he has always worried that he would die without being able to say goodbye to the Young family, especially Dalma.

“Life doesn’t care how young you are. It forces you to grow up anyway.”

Both Orion and Dalma have experienced the loss of a parent, and they have had to continue on. It is something that they carry with them and that affects all that they do, even if they have family members now who love and care for them. Dealing with tragedy and loss is a part of their lives, and it has given them a perspective on death that other children and young adults may not have.

“Here’s the truth no one ever wants to admit when death is on the horizon, or when you’re deep in that grief—as long as you keep existing, you’ll keep breathing, and if you’re breathing, one day you’ll start living again.”

Orion’s statement here encourages Valentino to sign up for Death-Cast because the service itself provides a chance to say goodbye and encourages him to recognize that even though death can be terrifying, the people who are left behind can continue to move forward. It foreshadows how Orion himself will have to learn to live without Valentino.

“I write short stories because I am one.”

Orion sees himself as having a short life span because of his heart condition, and he never expected to live very long. However, by the end of the novel, he is gifted with the opportunity to live into old age via a heart transplant from Valentino.

“It’s heartbreaking how much it costs to be alive when you’re always dying.”

Orion’s words speak to the difficulties of healthcare in which his heart condition affects him and his family not only physically and emotionally but also financially. He is frequently in the hospital and needing care, and that takes its own toll.

“I’m the photographer, and everything is zooming into focus, like I’m switching out lenses until I land on the best one. The background is still a bit blurry, but if I adjust the aperture just enough, light enters and exposes the true model of this photo shoot.”

Photography is a recurring motif in this novel, and in this quote, Valentino sees Orion from a photographer’s perspective. Orion would not normally see himself as a model, and so Valentino looking at him in this way shows how Orion also has a brightness that needs to be seen and made visible.

“I’m talking about your heart-eyes. How quickly you opened up your heart about your parents. Most important, the heart attack you had after saving this boy. Lots of heart-adjacent things.”

Hearts are a recurring motif in this novel, both in the sense of symbolizing love and as a physical organ. Orion always thinks about his heart in both senses, and he quickly falls for Valentino. Dalma’s words to him here speak to Orion’s capacity to love fully and how he is willing to put others first and to share of himself.

“For the past few years she’s shielded Orion from what she’s feeling, not wanting to add stress to his heart. He doesn’t know how it’s rare for an hour to pass where she’s not concerned that he’s having an attack and whether he’s battling it by himself—if he’ll even win.”

Dalma’s concern speaks to the feeling of security for family and friends, which is a major theme of the novel. She feels Orion “chose the stranger over family” in opting to be with Valentino on his End Day (249). However, she will also come to recognize that this was the right decision, even welcoming Scarlett into their family.

“‘Yeah, well. Same deal with you and that Joaquin photo. Everyone thinks that moment is only Death-Cast history when it’s your history too.’ 

‘And 9/11 history is also your history.’

‘Proof of our lives changing, all on page one.’”

Photographs are ways for people to be seen, and they document people and moments being made visible. Becoming seen is one of this novel’s themes, and Orion here is trying to remind Valentino that the world sees him and that he will be remembered.

“There’s no one else in sight, almost like the world wants us to be present in our future. I listen to the wind and my thoughts, which are both depressing and uplifting. I might not be around to laugh for much longer, but Orion will be if all goes well. It will go well. I’m putting my full faith into that; whatever that means these days.”

Valentino needs to be nudged to keep moving forward, even before he finds out that he’s going to die. Meeting Orion and choosing to give him his heart is crucial for Valentino, as he hopes to make a difference before he dies. By choosing to put his faith in the belief that everything will work out, Valentino is able to live his life to its fullest on his End Day.

“I hate that you’re dying, Valentino, but I want you to remember that everything isn’t over just because you’re a Decker. I’m going to keep fighting through whatever your End Day throws your way to turn your life into something beautiful.”

Orion’s encouragement reminds Valentino to live his life to the fullest, and it pushes him to have an amazing day, which Valentino then returns to him in his final message to Orion. In that video, he reminds Orion that every day can be like this one and that he should live to his fullest, even when it isn’t his End Day.

“But waiting until it’s your End Day to start living means you won’t have time to do it all. Your life will be divided into firsts and lasts and nevers.”

Orion was not planning to visit Ground Zero, but being with Valentino on his End Day inspires him to step outside his comfort zone and get closure for the goodbye he never received from his parents. Ultimately, visiting the site helps him to accept that his parents are gone and lets him live his life to the fullest.

“It goes to show that even on your way out, there’s still time to let people in.”

Clint Suarez’s thought illustrates the effect a Decker can have on their End Day. By sharing his story with Rolando, the other man feels encouraged to take his chance with Gloria, urging her to leave her abusive husband. The effect of Clint’s decision to talk with Rolando will reverberate through the rest of the novel, touching even Valentino’s death.

“I’m getting to be seen by real people, people who will have seen me strut in a way that I wasn’t able to do in my own home.”

On the subway, Valentino feels visible like he never did in Arizona. Even though he couldn’t do his modeling gig, Orion gives him the chance and the nerve to walk the runway on the subway. Leaning into it, Valentino makes the most out of the experience, finding fulfillment and basking in his ability to be seen for all he is.

“‘Starting over is scary,’ Rolando says. ‘But that’s the only way forward.’”

Rolando’s words to Gloria reflect the theme of Approaching Death by Living to the Fullest because he feels inspired by Clint’s story on his End Day, and he wants Gloria to take full advantage of the life she should have. He knows that she deserves a life in which she doesn’t have to worry about her abusive husband, and while it is scary, it is better than staying where she is.

“Goodbyes are the most possible impossible because you never want to say them, but you’d be stupid not to when given the chance.”

Férnan’s words to Rufus echo Orion’s reasoning for signing up for Death-Cast in the first place. Orion was robbed of the chance to say goodbye, but Death-Cast has made it so that everyone will always have that ability. Férnan hates thinking about how Valentino’s parents have risked the chance that they will hear from Valentino again because they refuse to accept him. He does not want that to happen to him and his son.

“‘Love is a superpower,’ his father had said. ‘It’s one we all have, but it’s not a superpower you’ll always be able to control. It’ll get harder when you get older too. Don’t be scared if you find yourself loving someone you’re not expecting to. If it’s right, it’s right.’”

Teo wants his son Mateo to feel loved and seen no matter what, regardless of who he falls in love with, a lesson that shows how much he values his child. It helps Mateo to recognize how important love is.

“If his heart is beating, why doesn’t it feel like he’s alive?”

The heart is a recurring motif, and it is so often associated with life. Valentino’s heart is still beating, but he is brain dead. His heart will find new life in Orion.

“‘No, it won’t,’ Dalma says. ‘We don’t know each other, but Orion and Valentino showed me that doesn’t matter. If you come out here, you will never be alone. My family is your family.’”

Dalma’s words to Scarlett are markedly different from what she thought about Orion’s decision to spend the day outside the hospital with Valentino. She felt like he had chosen a stranger over family. Now she is welcoming a stranger into her family, showing how she has been changed by the life she saw in her brother and Valentino.

“There are dark times ahead, but she’s choosing to focus on the horizon, on when the sun will rise and cast light everywhere that’s needed nourishing, and Gloria Medina will continue to grow and grow and grow.”

Even though Gloria is now safe from Frankie, her life is not yet simple, as Paz will have to work through killing his father. However, she is free to create a life for them that is free of violence, one in which they can live life to the fullest.

“The End Days have some horrors, but if you commit to living, they can be beautiful too.”

Orion has been onboard with Death-Cast from the beginning, but it has taken on new meaning in encouraging him and Valentino to approach death by living to the fullest that they can. He saw firsthand what that experience was like, even if it included violence. He knows that Valentino wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, and he is grateful for the outlook it has given him.

“While Death-Cast can only tell someone when they will die, they can’t predict how someone’s life will change on their End Day. The Decker must make those discoveries themselves by living with the fullest of hearts, down to the last beat.”

Joaquin Rosa only wants the best for his company, and now it will survive. Valentino’s story is proof that life is no longer the same now that Death-Cast exists. He must work to encourage Deckers to live their life to the fullest, especially now that the service is seen as successful in doing so.