The First State of Being

“It was what she [Ms. Rosario] always said. I took every breath. In other words: if she was still here, still breathing, it was a good day, and she was thankful for it.”

In contrast to Michael, who is always worrying about future “what ifs,” Ms. Rosario lives firmly in the first state of being (the present). She appreciates the positives in life—regardless of how she feels about her three jobs, if she is breathing, she is alive; if she is alive, that is a good day. It will take a long time for Michael to achieve this perspective, too.

“‘But…’ he [Michael] said again, thinking about the neat stack of monthly bills on the kitchen counter and all the Y2K supplies they could buy with a hundred and fifty dollars. ‘How…’

‘It’s your birthday,’ Ms. Rosario repeated cheerfully. ‘And this is your birthday gift.’

[…]

Ms. Rosario wrapped her arm around his shoulders. ‘All you have to do is say thank you.’

Michael swallowed.

‘Thank you,’ he said.”

Along with his enormous guilt, Michael is obsessed with taking care of his mother. By doing so, he can make amends for the disaster he believes he caused. However, these fixations eclipse his appreciation for the positives in his life, leading him to deny himself the pleasure of expensive shoes in lieu of amassing more supplies for his Y2K stash.

“‘You’re being very mysterious,’ Michael said.

‘I know,’ said Ridge. ‘But I can’t say anything. I mean, I shouldn’t. I want to. But I shouldn’t.’”

Michael is both fearful and initially skeptical of Ridge’s story about time travel. At first, Michael presses Ridge to prove his story with his knowledge of the future; this foreshadows Michael’s eventual obsession with the sumbook as an omniscient panacea for his anxieties. Ridge, meanwhile, seeks to follow the rules to protect the timeline, even as he is forced to immediately break them in 1999.

“‘And I have no idea what’s going to happen because no one has ever used the STM. I’m the first one,’ [Ridge] said. His eyes suddenly snapped up like he’d just made a momentous discovery. ‘I’m the first one.’

‘The first one what?’ Michael asked.

Ridge’s voice was breathless. ‘The first time traveler.’”

Ridge’s decision to attempt spatial transportation is an impulsive one. It is not until he must defend his actions and explain himself to Michael and Gibby in 1999 that the consequences of his actions begin to dawn on him. While the initial realization remains positive, it also demonstrates the flaws of both the first state of being and acting on emotions: There is no (backup) plan or advance preparation. At the same time, this quote also foreshadows a later one, hinting that ordinary people make history, just as Ridge did by traveling back in time.

“I have no doubt [time travel] is possible. But that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. Mom and the other GSC members are too wrapped up in the unknowns. What if it destroys the space-time continuum? What if the universe ceases to exist? What if spatial sickness is a real thing? Waaah waaah waaah. They’re all too scared to actually do something. They’ll never know until someone tries it. But like I said, they’re too scared.”

In 2199, Ridge derides the leading scientists of the day for being too cautious: Like Michael, they exist in a third state of being when it comes to spatial transportation. While their fears are understandable, adhering to them precludes discovering actual answers to their hypotheses. This contrasts with Ridge’s typical ‘first state of being’ perspective. To him, there is no point sitting around worrying about hypotheticals when one could get answers through action rather than inaction.

“Spatial teleportation isn’t as dangerous as people say. Think about it. More than likely, people have already done it, and that’s what got us to where we are right now—this sterile, boring, overly monitored lab.”

This quote also foreshadows Ridge’s impulsive journey. While at this point in 2199, Ridge doesn’t believe the previous time travelers would include him, it also foreshadows his point that history is made mostly by ordinary people (94). However, because one lives history in real time, one does not understand the significance of this history until later. This idea holds true for Ridge’s journey as well.

“[Mr. Mosley’s] eyes softened. ‘I was lucky, though. I had a good mama, like you. She’d take out money from every paycheck and drop it in a big jar with my name on it. When I left home for good, she gave the jar to me, and told me I’d been a good boy.’”

Like Michael, Mr. Mosley values his family, and he becomes something of a role model/father figure to the boy. Mr. Mosley tries to teach Michael important life lessons, such as preparing for the future by saving money. While Michael does not yet take Mr. Mosley’s advice to heart, this quote introduces the money jar as a key symbol in the novel, representing slow and steady preparation for an uncertain future.

“‘I know it doesn’t seem glamorous or interesting to you right now,’ Ridge said. ‘But that’s because no one realizes they’re living history every minute of every day. Sure, there are big moments, like the first Black president or the first trip to Mars and Jupiter, or the first STM. But the truth is, we’re making history at this very moment, sitting on this couch together, looking at this EGG in these unfortunate living quarters. Every breath we take, we’re contributing to history.’”

Many historical events are not obviously important when they happen, because to the people making history, these events may just be an ordinary day. (Ridge, before he time traveled, was one of these people.) While Ridge refers only to the EGG and STM here, this quote will come back later in the novel with a deeper significance.

“‘Who knows why people do the things they do. […] It’s not your job to figure out why walnut-brained people do walnut-brained things. It’s your job to make sure you don’t become one of those people.’ [Mosley] pointed the book at Michael. ‘You know what my mama used to say? “Before you go to sleep at night, ask yourself: was I the best person I could be today? If the answer is no, do better tomorrow.” I have a feeling Leonard Gibson has never asked himself that question a day in his life. But that’s not your concern.’”

While Michael blames himself for his mother losing her job, reality is much more complicated. Mr. Mosley tries to explain this to Michael, pointing out that there are better ways to spend time and energy than misplaced guilt, but Michael can’t yet accept this idea. He is too fixated on using the future to make amends for perceived past mistakes.

“Michael didn’t believe that. It was always a dangerous time. Danger lurked everywhere, especially when you weren’t expecting it. Think of all those people in Turkey. Think of his mama, getting called into her boss’s office and losing her job. Think of dads and moms who abandon their kids. Think of anything. It was all around. Waiting to strike. Just like Y2K.”

Michael is by far the most anxious and worried character of the book, except for Ridge’s mother. He is also the only person to worry about the potential dangers of Y2K, likely because of past negative experiences. However, while he has practice learning to avoid danger, he has yet to realize danger is not always seeking him.

“‘Trust me, you’re better off not worrying about the future. Focus on the here and now. That’s what I’m doing,’ Ridge said. He was still looking out the window. He hadn’t stopped. ‘The first state of being.’

‘The first state of what?’ Gibby said.

‘The first state of being,’ he said. ‘That’s what my mom calls the present moment. It’s the first state of existence. It’s right now, this moment, in this car. The past is the past. The future is the future. But this, right now? This is the first state, the most important one, the one in which everything matters. That’s why I’m not going to think about the mess I left behind. That’s the third state—the future. I’ll worry about that when I get there.’”

Constantly worried about Y2K, Michael manifests this anxiety by repeatedly asking Ridge about it, much to his annoyance. Like Mr. Mosley, Ridge tries to teach Michael a life lesson—focusing on the present rather than the unknown future. However, because Michael remains jealous of the attention Gibby pays to Ridge, he is not ready to take this advice to heart.

“‘So this is a mall,’ [Ridge] said, peering at the list of stores. ‘“A popular meeting place for American teenagers.”’

‘Is that from your sumbook?’ Michael asked.

‘For the record, I’m an American teenager and I hate the mall,’ said Gibby.”

Ridge’s wonder about the mall is tempered by Michael and Gibby’s cynicism toward it. This quote speaks to the contrasting layered perspectives amongst the characters: Ridge, the impressed tourist; Michael, fixated on easy answers from the omniscient future; and Gibby, the down-to-earth realist who bluntly dissolves idealized illusions in favor of direct truth.

“‘You have a weighted mind,’ Ridge said. ‘That’s what my mom calls it when people carry a lot of worries and anxieties—a weighted mind. Because it can feel heavy. Some people get upgrades for it where I’m from.’”

Ridge is the first person to directly acknowledge Michael’s anxiety. While he doesn’t call it as such, he comes the closest to identifying it as a legitimate emotional/mental health concern that can require a treatment plan. Acknowledging it this way is the first step for Michael to overcome it, though he doesn’t realize this yet.

“‘What do you mean, your mom named you after a debate?’ Michael asked.

Ridge set his milkshake aside. ‘There’s this stupid document in the founder’s hall of the GSC museum, and it has one word written on it. Ridge. It’s encased under glass and everything. All they know is that the paper belonged to the founder, but they have no idea what it means. Scientists have been arguing about it for centuries. […] All I know is, it’s really annoying being named after a piece of paper, especially when you’re surrounded by scientists all the time.’”

This quote introduces the RIDGE document as a symbol of the tension between fate and free will. While this document is significant even in 2199, there is no context to explain this. While it seems only like a quirky part of Ridge’s backstory here, this quote foreshadows Ridge’s involvement in its creation, which could incite even further philosophical discussion.

“‘I’m going to stay home from work today,’ his mother said. ‘I don’t want you to be by yourself.’

[Michael] shot up again, like a cannon. ‘What? No!’ That was the exact same thing she’d said before. I’m going to stay home. I don’t want you to be by yourself. ‘You have to go to work! You have to!’”

Throughout the book, Michael has constantly desired to be the person taking care of his loved ones, particularly his mother. In reality, he remains young enough to be dependent on others even as he is old enough to resist this necessity. This resistance is even more exacerbated because of Michael’s undercurrent of guilt. Already reeling from the shock of Mr. Mosley’s death, the fear that his mother could again lose her job because of him is more than he can bear.

“[Michael] had plenty of experience with guilt, though, and that was heavy too. Guilt over getting his mom fired. Guilt over having shoes he knew they couldn’t afford and loving them anyway. Guilt over the stolen cache under his bed. Guilt that he’d given Ridge his cold. And now? Guilt that he hadn’t been home yesterday or the day before to eat bologna sandwiches with Mr. Mosley.”

Here, Michael’s guilt becomes overwhelming as he remembers and acknowledges all the questionable things he has done recently. As he processes his overloaded emotions, this guilt transforms into grief for Mr. Mosley. While this initially seems worse, the introspection is slowly leading him toward a healthier path.

“‘Sometimes history remembers people who don’t deserve it and forgets the ones who do,’ Ridge said. ‘Besides, he’s being remembered right now, by you [Michael]. And me. And Gibby. And your mom. Just because he isn’t written down in a book doesn’t mean he wasn’t important.’”

While Ridge has similar quote earlier in the book, this idea becomes more important now that Mr. Mosley is gone. Because Mr. Mosley wasn’t someone who significantly changed the world during his lifetime, he is not recorded in the annals of history. However, because of his importance to Michael, he will not be as forgotten as the sumbook suggests he is. This proves both that the sumbook is not omniscient, and that history is told by the powerful and influential.

“The jar sat on the counter. Michael imagined Mr. Mosley cutting the strip of masking tape and writing MICHAEL ROSARIO on it, thinking, Michael Rosario is a good kid. He deserves this.

But he didn’t feel like a good kid.

He felt like a thief.”

Mr. Mosley thinks highly of Michael, understanding his struggles even if his advice isn’t immediately taken. Instead, he ensures that Michael is taken care of through reliable financial preparation, even after his untimely death. Michael, on the other hand, can only fixate on his guilt and loss; as such, he cannot yet accept Mr. Mosley’s final gift.

“‘Everyone makes mistakes,’ Michael said quietly. ‘It doesn’t mean you deserve only bad things.’”

It is significant that Michael is the first to say this quote. Although it’s been said to him many times by others in various ways, he has never accepted this to be true. By telling this to Ridge, Michael demonstrates that he has begun to mature, and that he and Ridge are slowly beginning to exchange roles—student catching up to the teacher, teacher learning from the student.

“SABIO, MARIA: According to the Saeed Theory, all this has already happened. So it’s very likely that Ridge’s interactions with her are what led to the founding in the first place.”

This quote is much like Ridge’s earlier hypothesis that even before he attempted time travel, someone else had already attempted it. However, the difference is that Ridge is the active party; by time traveling, he ensured the timeline was protected by creating it (befriending Gibby). Thus, while his journey remains secret, he—an ordinary teenager—succeeded in making history. Though he feared the consequences of breaking the rules of spatial transportation, in the end, not all the consequences were negative.

“‘It’s my job to take care of you,’ his mama said. ‘Remember that, okay?’

Michael paused. ‘Okay.’

It’s good to be taken care of sometimes. It’s the way it ought to be.”

Michael has spent most of the novel resisting being taken care of by others, believing that dependence is a sign of immaturity. Mr. Mosley has attempted to teach him The Mutual Nature of Caregiving and that accepting people’s love and care is a sign of appreciation—but it is not until this moment that Michael can finally absorb the lesson. By accepting Ms. Rosario’s determination to take care of him, Michael demonstrates newfound maturity.

“See, that’s why he needed the book. Once he had read it from cover to cover, he wouldn’t be anxious anymore. He’d be ready for whatever life had to throw at him.”

Michael remains mostly in the third state of being until nearly the end of the book. Scared of shocks and surprises, he fixates on the belief that the sumbook will have all the answers he needs to prepare for the future, despite Ridge’s warnings to the contrary. Michael hopes that the sumbook can be the panacea that his Y2K stash cannot, but while he believes in the power of knowledge, which leads him to steal the sumbook, he is not yet ready for the responsibility of safeguarding what he might find inside.

“Before you go to sleep at night, ask yourself: was I the best person I could be today? […] If the answer is no, do better tomorrow.”

Mr. Mosley’s final lesson is a memory. As Michael learns to let go of the physical objects that manifest his mental state (his Y2K stash), he also slowly lets go of his anxiety about the future. This advice and its related introspection brings him solidly into the healthier first state of being and finally absolves him of the guilt he carries. The true peace of mind he seeks has always been there; he just never allowed himself to accept it until now.