The Braggart Soldier

Palaestrio enters. The soldier’s elderly neighbor, Periplectomenus, comes from his house while shouting at his slaves. The old man complains to the audience, “Now my neighbors see the show of all that happens in my house— – looking right down through my skylight!” (5). Periplectomenus orders his servants that, should they see anyone from the soldier’s household other than Palaestrio, they must “throw ‘em down into the street! Should they claim to be pursuing monkeys, pigeons or the like, [y]You’ll be finished if you don’t just pound and pummel ‘em to a pulp!” (6). Periplectomenus informs Palaestrio that one of the soldier’s slaves was caught spying on the old man’s house through his skylight, which refers to the atrium, a room in the center of a Roman house with a glazed glass roof that would allow light as well as prying eyes. The servant claimed that he was on the roof trying to catch an escaped pet monkey, but Periplectomenus worries that the man spotted Philocomasium, the kidnapped courtesan, who was kissing her secret lover.

Palaestrio advises PeripletomenusPeriplectomenus to send Philocomasium back to the soldier’s house quickly so that the servants can see her there. Palaestrio urges, “Make her hurry— – that’s unless she’d rather see her faithful slaves, just for her affair become fraternal brothers— – on the cross!” (7). Once she returns to the soldier’s house, Palaestrio suggests that, she must use her “tricks and female shrewdness” to “force the fellow who found her into full forgetfulness” (7). Palaestrio sends Periplectomenus to follow his instructions while he thinks of a plan. Periplectomenus cajoles Palaestrio to tell him the plot, swearing to keep it a secret. Palaestrio discloses that his master, the soldier, is “about as clever as a stone” (8). He plans to exploit this by claiming that Philocomasium has an identical twin sister who, with her lover, has come to Ephesus to stay with Periplectomenus.

Periplectomenus agrees that this plan is ingenious, and rushes to fill Philocomasium in. Palaestrio resolves to discover which slave saw Philocomasium through the skylight to and convince him to stay silent. But Sceledra, the slave who was assigned to watch Philocomasium, enters. Although in the original text, this role is male (Sceledrus rather than Sceledra), Erich Segal reformulated the role as a woman. Sceledra, confused, muses about seeing Philocomasium from the roof. Palaestrio engages her in conversation, and Sceledra gossips about what she saw. Palaestrio feigns shock, warning her that if she continues to tell others about what she saw, she risks being subjected to “double death” (10). Palaestrio illuminates, “First, if you’ve accused our master’s mistress falsely, you must die. Next, if what you say is true, you’ve failed as a guard— – you die again” (10). Sceledra suggests that Palaestrio look and see for himself. Palaestrio agrees, and “strides with severity into the soldier’s house” (10).

While Palaestrio pretends to investigate, Sceledra plans to wait for Philocomasium to emerge from the house and then “ambush her” (10), but then begins to fret about Palaestrio’s warning. Sceledra decides to remain quiet. Palaestrio reenters and informs Sceledra that Philocomasium is actually at home. In Ddisbeliefving, Sceledra resolves to guard Periplectomenus’s door, believing that it is the only exit route. Palaestrio asks her, “Well…if she’s in our house and I bring her out so you can see her, would you say you’re worthy of a whipping?” (12). Sceledra agrees, and Palaestrio runs off, returning with Philocomasium. Palaestrio reminds Philocomasium to remember what she was told, and Philocomasium replies, “I’m astonished I’m admonished so. […] I could make a dozen decent damsels devils with my surplus shrewdness!” (13). Philocomasium lambasts Sceledra for accusing her of infidelity. She tells Sceledra that she had a dream the previous night that her twin sister had come to Ephesus with her lover, and that Philocomasium was falsely accused when a slave saw her twin kissing a man. Palaestrio sends her to pray, suggesting that she also tell the soldier about her “dream.” Sceledra is afraid that if the story is true, she will die for falsely accusing Philocomasium.

Philocomasium enters from Periplectomenus’s house, giving thanks to the gods for surviving a difficult journey across the sea. When Sceledra tries to speak to her, she pretends not to know her. Philocomasium tells Sceledra and Palaestrio that her name is Dicea, and that she is searching for her lost twin sister. Unconvinced, Sceledra grabs her, demanding that Palaestrio help. Palaestrio refuses to get involved, suggesting, “Who knows— – maybe she’s our girl…or maybe someone else who looks like her” (17). Philocomasium promises to go back to the soldier’s house if Sceledra lets her go, and then races back to the old man’s house. Palaestrio changes his story, saying, “Sceledra, you let the prize slip through your fingers. No mistaking— – she’s our master’s mistress. Now—– you want to be a woman of action?” (17). Palaestrio tells Sceledra to fetch a sword. Palaestrio, mimicking the braggart soldier’s mannerisms, continues mimicking the braggart soldier’s mannerisms, “I’ll burst boldly through these portals and the man I see inside kissing Master’s mistress, I shall slash to slivers on the spot!” (17).

Sceledra runs off to do Palaestrio’s bidding, and the slave breaks down in laughter, praising Philocomasium’s performance: “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men could never act with such great daring. Never be so calm, so cool, in anything, as one small woman! Deftly she delivered up a different accent for each part! How the faithful guard, my doxy fellow slave, was fully flim-flammed! What a source of joy for all— – this passage passing through the wall!” (18). Sceledra returns, abashed, admitting that she found Philocomasium at home after all. Palaestrio comments, “Now be smart: Kkeep all of this a secret. Slaves should always know more than they tell” (18). Palaestrio exits to Periplectomenus ‘s house. Finally convinced, Sceledra resolves to focus on guarding her.

Periplectomenus reenters, ranting angrily about his neighbor’s slaves assaulting his guest. He confronts Sceledra, threatening to whip her. Sceledra apologizes, expressing her confusion at the situation. Periplectomenus invites Sceledra to peek into his house and see for herself. Sceledra acceptsssents, exiting into the old man’s house, and Periplectomenus shouts to the soldier’s house for Philocomasium to run to his house and then right back to the soldier’s house after Sceledra sees her. Sceledra reenters, shocked at the similarities between the twins. Sceledra tells the old man that she saw one of them kissing a man at Periplectomenus’s house, and that she is unsure of which one she saw. Periplectomenus sends her to check the soldier’s house, and Sceledra confirms that the woman was indeed there.

Sceledra begs Periplectomenus’s forgiveness. He agrees, adding, “Now, after this, by Hercules, you guard your tongue and even if you know a thing, don’t know a thing” (21). Sceledra assents, and Periplectomenus dismisses her with revulsion, exiting into his house. Sceledra admits that she is suspicious that the two have tried to fool her with an elaborate ruse, but decides, “By Hercules, I won’t snap at their bait today. I’ll run off somewhere, hide myself a day or two, till this commotion quiets and the shouting stops. I’ve earned myself much more than one man’s share of troubles” (22). After she leaves, Periplectomenus reenters, noting that Sceledra “has been so gulled she doesn’t see the things she saw” (22). He goes back into his house.