45 pages • 1 hour read
Priya ParkerThe Art of Gathering
Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2018A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
The Dynamic Between Collaboration and Generous Authority
Parker defines gatherings as collective ventures that build and affirm connections between attendees. These connections are meant to help attendees work collaboratively toward a shared purpose. However, Parker urges organizers to play an active, authoritative role in planning and facilitating gatherings. Throughout The Art of Gathering Parker strives to explore this dynamic between collaborative and directorial forces in successful gatherings.
She suggests that the energy that comes from people openly sharing and bonding is best captured in an environment of spontaneity. Examples she provides throughout the book to support this point include her 15 Toasts technique, the mock cage match she coordinated for an architectural firm’s debate, and conversation games like Werewolf. In addition, forming a collaborative spirit requires taking active steps to encourage connections between people, such as talking to people outside of one’s given group of friends and acquaintances. This takes conscious effort, Parker acknowledges, and The Art of Gathering describes practical methods that can help foster this kind of open interaction, like a dinner party invitation that advises “you cannot talk to the person next to you, you can only talk to the entire table” (112). Examples of pop-up rules like these, though they may appear imposing, are meant to encourage participants to connect and share in a way that serves the group as a whole.
At the same time, Parker constantly reminds readers that collaboration does not simply happen by itself. Instead, it requires careful attention to a gathering’s purpose, planning the event with intention, and navigating the progress of a gathering once it is underway. In Chapter 3, “Don’t Be a Chill Host,” Parker defines her concept of generous authority. She is careful to explain that this is distinct from being self-serving, chiding “the sin of the domineering host […] controlling people for his or her own sake” (101). Rather, generous authority always implies a responsibility to the participants of a gathering, even when this entails doing something to get them out of their comfort zone, like intentionally stirring debate. Being a chill host does not serve guests by intentionally “connecting,” “equaliz[ing],” and “protect[ing]” them (91, 87, 82). The staid, imposing structure of the rules of etiquette also bar these goals. But when generous authority is applied to a gathering in the service of guests and their shared purpose, real collaboration can occur. Successfully balancing this dynamic between collaboration and authority can lead to gatherings that create substantive connections and foster transformative change.
Equality in Groups and Organizations
Parker emphasizes the importance of generous authority and the need for organizers to be intentional about planning and leading an event. At the same time, she seeks to show that the means of these directorial elements are always employed in the service of a greater end. Well-managed gatherings, as Parker defines them, have the opportunity to lead to transformative change, not in the least because they foster a spirit of equality in pursuit of a shared purpose.
From the very beginning of the book, Parker explicitly draws a direct line from the egalitarian spirit gatherings can foster to the powerful social impact this has. She observes that “[i]n democracies, the freedom to assemble is one of the foundational rights granted to every individual. In countries descending into authoritarianism, one of the first things to go is the right to assemble” (ix). This sets a high bar for the significance of gatherings and immediately lends a serious perspective to Parker’s concepts. For instance, stirring controversy, she argues, can allow for a difference of opinions to surface. Her encouragement of this practice echoes the sense that freedom of expression and the right to debate are foundational principles of an egalitarian, democratic society.
When she writes about more everyday forms of gatherings, however, she still turns to the idea of equality. Parker’s favored approach of pop-up rules, which can be deployed at gatherings of all kinds, reinforce equality, in her opinion. She argues that the strictures of etiquette come from an external authority. Pop-up rules, on the other hand, locate their power within the group because they are mutually agreed on and equal participation is expected.
The Art of Gathering provides practical tips on fostering equality, as it does for the book’s other key concepts. For instance, Parker notes President Barack Obama’s practice of calling on participants in question-and-answer sessions on an alternating male-female basis, to ensure fairness. Parker encourages readers to apply this to their own contexts, writing that “[y]ou don’t have to be the leader of the free world to equalize your guests. You just have to be aware of the power dynamics at your gathering and be willing to do something about them” (89). Her implication is that this approach, and others in a similar spirit, can encourage equality at events like business meetings and any other that may involve discussing shared information.
Even when arguing to convince readers that gatherings ought be exclusive, Parker has the idea of equality in mind. Keeping the participants in a gathering relevant to its purpose levels the playing field and prevents it from being dominated or sidetracked by voices that would not contribute to that purpose. Protecting the group in this way, she argues, increases the likelihood of a diversity of opinions, collaboration, and mutual support.
Gatherings as Opportunities for Transformative Change
Parker’s professional background gives her experience in areas like conflict resolution and facilitating high-level economic summits, but The Art of Gathering’s scope is broad enough to include discussions of events as humble as dinner parties and staff meetings. At the same time, she does not view even these everyday events, or any other gathering, as mere entertainment or a formality that must be suffered through. Instead, she praises the social power “of what can happen when people come together, exchange information, inspire one another, test out new ways of being together” (ix). The potential that comes from collecting people around a shared purpose can lead to transformation: new ideas, new relationships, new solutions to problems.
The opportunity for change and transition is fundamentally built into the way that Parker thinks about gatherings. For instance, the all-important purpose that each should have, she argues, ought to be “disputable” (19). When a purpose is debatable it means that convening to discuss it brings the opportunity to define and shift perspectives, something that might not occur if the purpose remained generic or within participants’ comfort zones. In a similar way, Parker praises moments of controversy, likening them to going below the tips of the iceberg to reveal “their underlying beliefs, values, and needs” (241). When a gathering’s organizers move discussions toward points of controversy, or when individuals share their vulnerabilities, which Parker encourages, this brings about opportunities to address difficulties and move beyond them.
The structure of The Art of Gathering also signals that gatherings can be transformative. The sequence of Parker’s chapters walks readers from conceptualizing a gathering’s purpose, to planning it, to opening and facilitating it, and finally through how to close it. This sequence implies that a gathering is a process, not simply an occurrence.
One of the most important roles of an organizer is to lead participants in and out of this process, from the world outside the gathering to the context within it. Organizers must consider, Parker urges, “[w]hat of this world do I want to bring back to my other worlds?” (262). Her examples show that answers to this question can be as straightforward as the solution to a business problem or as poignant as funeral director Amy Cunningham’s practice of having the immediate family walk down an aisle lined with family and friends to show them “pillars of constancy and love” as they transition “to the next part of their journey, and the next stage of their grieving” (279). The significance Parker places on helping participants transition back to the world beyond the gathering is evidence that gatherings leave people changed, different for having been in attendance. In Parker’s view, this transformation is meant to breed further change after a gathering has ended.
