Thank You for Smoking

The Mod Squad consists of Nick, Polly Bailey, and Bobby Jay Bliss. Each of the three is the primary spokesperson for a controversial but lucrative American industry: tobacco, alcohol, and firearms. They refer to themselves as the Mod Squad, which is an ironic reference to the 1960s TV program about hip undercover police officers, though “Mod” for this group means “merchants of death.” Whenever negative news emerges concerning one of their respective industries, the media calls upon them for a response; their work centers on The Manipulation of the Truth for Corporate Gain. The three meet frequently to dine and to share tips about how to deal with thorny public relations issues. This group comprises Nick’s only loyal, reliable cadre of friends and advisors.

Polly is the spokesperson for the Moderation Council, which handles public relations for the alcohol industry. Polly is married to and in the process of divorcing Hector, an activist intent on reducing the world’s population through birth control distribution; he lives abroad in lower-income nations, the implication being that his concerns about population growth are a form of racist eugenics. An attractive young woman and a smoker, Polly finds Nick appealing but resists the urge to become one of his sexual conquests.

Bobby Jay is a Vietnam veteran who has a hook for a left hand. He is also a born-again Christian. He is the spokesperson for SAFETY, the Society for the Advancement of Firearms and Effective Training of Youth, which encourages gun ownership and the protection of Second Amendment rights.

Though the title “Team A” only appears in the last few chapters of the book, its members—BR/Budd Rohrabacker and his assistant, Jeannette Dantine—work together as a team from the beginning. BR, president of the Academy for Tobacco Studies, displays his intention to replace Nick, the executive vice president of the Academy, with Jeannette from the outset. Repeatedly foiled in his efforts, he has Jeannette seduce Nick in such a way that they can frame him for faking his own kidnapping and attempted murder.

BR, an imposing figure, comes from the “vending machine” side of tobacco sales, implying that he has a rough background. The Captain, who funds and silently controls everything at the Academy, brought BR aboard to counter the expensive lawsuits brought against the industry by sick smokers. BR achieves this in the most prominent cases by using Team B, a group of assassins who make it seem like their victims—people who speak out about the tobacco industry’s harm—die while smoking in bed.

Jeannette is a beautiful, icy, and severe woman who has the ability to charm. Most other employees of the Academy are wary of her, perceiving her to be the puppet of BR, who fires anyone he perceives dispensable. Buckley does not reveal Jeannette’s ultimate fate; she disappears after BR dies while supposedly smoking in bed.