Sandwich

Rocky’s husband, Nick, is affable, likable, and attractive, and although middle age has impacted their intimacy, Rocky and Nick are still drawn to each other. His easygoing personality makes him popular with various people, and he even enjoys friendships with former partners of Rocky. He always has a smile ready and finds humor in everyday situations. Rocky is grateful for this sense of humor, observing, “In a pie chart of Nick’s personality, dad jokes would be, like, seven of the eight slices” (51). His children inherited this sense of humor: Willa in particular enjoys joking around with her sibling and parents.

In addition, Nick is incredibly patient. Rocky describes him as “the most patient person I have ever known” (54). This quality served him well during the years that their children were young, but Rocky also finds it helpful as she navigates the tricky, emotional ups and downs of perimenopause. She’s newly quick to anger, and although she at times feels that her reactions are justified, in some moments she knows that she has overreacted to some small, perceived slight. In each of these petty disagreements, Nick forgives and forgets with alacrity and ease. He even forgives Rocky for hiding an abortion from him during the early years of their marriage, and this quality in combination with his easy temperament makes him a stable figure in their family.

Nevertheless, his easygoing nature impacts his parenting style in ways that Rocky doesn’t always appreciate. He’s the first to admit that he’s rather “checked out” emotionally, that he has habitually left the emotional heavy-lifting of parenting to his wife. He argues that one parent must be able to take care of the practical logistics of family life and had he been as emotionally invested in his children as Rocky, he would have struggled with planning, giving rides, managing the household, and financial duties. While Rocky understands Nick’s rationale, she realizes that she was left, without ever agreeing to it, to perform the bulk of the family’s emotional labor. When the children were toddlers, Nick seemed to sail through parenting. His duties were well-defined, easy to accomplish, and concrete. His day of parenting ended when the children went to sleep. Rocky, on the other hand, planned, worried, and managed in ways that she found so mentally and emotionally exhausting that she chose to terminate a pregnancy rather than face raising yet another child. Nick and Rocky both embody normative gender roles as they’re often performed in heterosexual marriages and long-term partnerships, and in a way his aloof nature and lack of emotional investment in his family’s life connects to gendered socialization in the West: Society expects women like Rocky to be caregivers to a greater extent than their male partners, and, as Rocky and Nick’s relationship demonstrates, this lack of equality often creates discord and disconnect.

Rocky and Nick’s daughter, Willa, is in college at Barnard and is just beginning to explore her adult identity. She’s gay, and although she engages in a flirtation with a girl she meets on vacation, her sexuality is not an overt focus in the novel. This is an important detail because it illustrates the normalization of queer sexuality within both contemporary American society and contemporary American literature: During the early days of gay rights movements, queer sexuality was often a large part of characterization for gay characters. As society becomes more accepting, queer sexuality often functions as only one small part of characterization. “Difference” is no longer the sole focus. Willa is gay, but the novel characterizes her more through other qualities, and her narrative arc doesn’t focus on sexuality. Instead, the novel depicts Willa (as it does the other characters) largely within the context of family.

Willa is socially conscious and cares about social justice. She’s fond of interjecting “check your privilege” when conversations veer too far into territory that she deems frivolous (15). Although she cares about gay rights and equal treatment for queer-identified people, she’s also invested in racial, class, and gender justice. She represents a new generation, and as a traditional college student (within the 18-22 age range) is part of “Gen Z.” Her ideological and intellectual freedom are evident, but so is the ease with which she moves through the world as a woman, and this fact is not lost on Rocky. Willa’s generation is markedly different from Rocky’s at her age, and Rocky is grateful that her daughter gets to come of age in a different world than she did. Willa is receptive, accepting, and open when Rocky shares the story of her pregnancy loss and abortion with her, and in that conversation too, Willa represents societal change as it pertains to women, reproductive rights, and social justice.

Willa’s family relationships, particularly her easy bond with Rocky, are one of the novel’s focal points. Willa and Rocky often engage in lighthearted, jocular banter, even about weighty subjects like Black Lives Matter and equity. Willa happily teaches her mother new slang, and it’s obvious that the two share not only family traits but an appreciation for each other as humans. Willa similarly bonds with her father, brother, and grandparents, and overall she’s a character who has both shaped and been shaped by her family relationships. Newman doesn’t shy away from depicting the difficulties of family life, but many of the novel’s characters approach those difficulties with humor and grace, and Willa exemplifies that trend.

Rocky and Nick’s son, Jamie, appears in fewer of the novel’s key scenes, and he doesn’t receive as much attention as the other characters, but he’s an important part of Rocky’s family. He’s the older of her two children and, in his early 20s, works at “some kind of marketing or engineering job at a tech startup” (25). Notably, Rocky herself is hazy about the details of her son’s employment, and this disconnect in their relationship shows that Rocky’s bond with Willa is greater than her bond with Jamie.

Nevertheless, Jamie’s role in the family helps reveal his character. Jamie and Willa have a strong bond, and both siblings have both respect and genuine love for each other. Jamie often reminisces with Willa about their childhood trips to Cape Cod. Like Willa and Rocky, he relishes both the memories of past vacations and the continuation of their family tradition. Additionally, Jamie’s relationship with Maya helps characterize him. The two have been together for years and are a solid, happy, functional couple. When he learns of Maya’s pregnancy, he’s supportive and kind, and even Willa takes note of how “cool” he is about it. Like Willa, Jamie represents a new generation of men, and although he shares his father’s sense of humor and ease with people, he also has the potential to be a more emotionally invested partner and hands-on parent.