Really Good, Actually: A Novel

Maggie's tumultuous journey through the holiday season highlights her ongoing battle with Social Pressures and Keeping Up Appearances, and with each new social blunder, her veneer of normalcy cracks; despite each moment of resilience, she reverts into an ever-deepening despair. The social expectations of the holiday season bring these issues to a head, and in the aftermath of Christmas, during the peculiar and disorienting interlude between the holiday and New Year's Eve, Maggie finds herself plummeting into a profound depression that ultimately leads her to single-handedly sabotage her various relationships. Thus, despite glimpses of progress in previous sections, Maggie regresses into a pessimistic and depressive state in this part of the narrative. Even as she finds solace in Simon's company and contemplates the possibility of falling in love with him, Maggie harbors deep-seated doubts about the viability of their relationship. She also grapples with an overwhelming sense of inevitability, convinced that revealing her true self will inevitably lead to rejection and abandonment. As she states, "Eventually I would reveal the part of myself that made him recoil, and he would go" (194). This pervasive fear, coupled with her inexplicable tears after each new intimacy with Simon, underscores her emotional lack of readiness for a new relationship. However, because she is unwilling to relinquish this fragile connection, Maggie unwittingly plunges deeper into despair.

In the midst of this downward spiral, depression blunts Maggie's empathy, rendering her presence increasingly challenging for her friends and family to endure. Significantly, she withdraws from her friends, acknowledging her own unpleasantness and her inability to reciprocate their care and interest. As she admits, "I was awful to hang out with. All I wanted to do was dissect my breakup. […] I knew if I saw my friends I would have to care about their lives in return, and I simply did not" (208). This stark departure from her previously empathetic nature is indicative of the profound toll that her emotional turmoil has taken on her psyche and her self-esteem. To symbolize her inner withdrawal, she hides beneath sunglasses and oversized headphones, erecting physical barriers to shield herself from the outside world even as she finds solace in dissecting her break-up with Jon, and later, with Simon.

Maggie's refusal to confide in anyone and her staunch aversion to seeking professional help both exacerbate the strain on her relationships. Merris, in a moment of wisdom, offers sagacious advice on the importance of persevering through heartbreak, stating, "Most of moving on is just getting out of bed and plodding forward […] [Y]ou need to practice walking around and living life and being heartbroken at the same time " (197). However, Maggie remains obstinate in her resistance to therapy. Her reluctance stems from a tangled web of insecurities, fears, and perceived failures, all of which are exacerbated by Jon's perceived rejection. As she states of her social and emotional turmoil, "[M]y pathetic non-problems still occupied my entire headspace and felt enormous, bordering on insurmountable; […] I would do anything to simply have been better at being married [and I knew] that this was quite a retrograde way to think, and probably Said Something About Me as a person" (198). This corrosive self-doubt transforms what was once a mutual separation into a crushing blow to Maggie's self-worth.

Lost in the throes of Societal Pressures and Keeping Up Appearances, Maggie grapples with a pervasive fear of rejection, obsessing over her physical appearance and viewing it as her sole redeeming quality. Paralyzed by the prospect of being judged and found lacking, she erects a façade of composure while experiencing profound inner turmoil. As she states, "It's more expensive and dangerous to be a woman on your own, and the only thing you're unequivocally rewarded for is finding someone—a man, preferably—who wants to be with you" (224). Her inability to reconcile societal expectations with her own self-perceived inadequacies soon perpetuates a cycle of self-sabotage and isolation, as is demonstrated by her rapidly devolving social relationships amongst what was once a very supportive friend group. Thus, Maggie's fear of rejection ironically becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that culminates in her alienation of her support network and her problematic behavior toward Simon. Her refusal to confront her innermost fears leaves her adrift in a sea of uncertainty, unable to bridge the chasm between her authentic self and the façade that she presents to the world. As the narrative unfolds, Maggie's descent into despair becomes increasingly palpable, culminating in a deeply emotional portrayal of a woman who has lost sight of herself by desperately trying to maintain the illusion of normalcy. In the final chapters, Maggie's unraveling is laid bare. As she navigates a labyrinth of misguided attempts to mask her pain, she unwittingly dismantles the last vestiges of her support network. Ultimately, Maggie emerges as a deeply flawed yet authentically human protagonist as she struggles to untangle the profound complexities of love, loss, and the relentless pursuit of self-acceptance.