42 pages • 1 hour read
Shannon Hale, Illustr. LeUyen PhamA modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
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The primary theme of Real Friends is Shannon’s attempts to form genuine friendships in her first few years of school. Early on in the book, Shannon’s mom asserts that all any kid needs is one good friend to support them as they grow up. For most of her childhood, Shannon believes this to be true. She thinks her one friend must be Adrienne, the first person she ever befriended when she was in kindergarten. She puts so much emphasis on her friendship with Adrienne, Shannon is willing to go through a lot of teasing and uncertainty with The Group in the hopes of keeping Adrienne close. Shannon’s love for Adrienne sometimes causes her to ignore other potential friendships. While Adrienne is away, for instance, Shannon is friends with Tammy, but she never really cares about Tammy’s experiences and constantly compares her to Adrienne.
When Shannon finally extracts herself from The Group, she briefly experiences genuine isolation. She has spent so much time focusing on her friendship with Adrienne that she does not have anyone else to rely on after leaving The Group. Losing her friend group, however tumultuous a group it may have been, makes Shannon’s already difficult mental health situation a lot worse. Without anyone she feels she can talk to, she worries all the time, has frequent stomach aches, and develops more compulsive counting behaviors. She lacks confidence in herself and because of the challenging politics of childhood friend groups, she is not in a position to make new friends until she meets Zara.
While it is certainly true that all kids would benefit from at least one friend, Shannon ultimately learns that it is better to have a community of trusted friends than to put all of her eggs in one basket. Instead of staying in The Group just to be close to Adrienne, Shannon forms various friendships that all bring different things to her life. Zara and Veronica are role models who help her get more mature. She and Kayla have had similar difficult experiences with their respective friend groups. Amy and Nicole, while not her close friends, help round out her community. Winning back Jen’s friendship at the end of the story helps Shannon feel more secure in her social group. She is no longer afraid that she will lose her only friend and be left alone. She is confident in her ability to make new friends and be kind to others instead of worrying about what everyone thinks of her.
Shannon’s coming-of-age journey forms the backdrop for the events of Real Friends. Coming of age is a common theme in books for young readers, as the protagonists often going through things that young readers can relate to. Like most kids in elementary school, Shannon is at a formative age where she has to learn many important lessons. She starts out extremely shy and unsure of herself, and she needs her mother to support and care for her. When her mother encourages her to make friends, Shannon latches on to the idea that she only needs one good friend. As a result, she puts no effort into making friends other than Adrienne, which makes her clingy in their friendship and insecure when Adrienne starts to make other friends. Shannon’s insecurities make her feel pathetic, and these feelings are reinforced when people call her sensitive or obnoxious. As Adrienne starts to drift away from her, Shannon loses her ability to stand up for herself and becomes isolated and alone.
As Shannon progresses on her coming-of-age journey, she learns that being popular is not the most important thing in the world and does not always help kids form meaningful friendships. She gets her confidence back when she is surrounded by friends who are kind and supportive rather than putting each other down and fighting over status. She also learns that when she can be confident about who she is, other people gravitate toward her and want to be her friend. Jen sees Shannon’s friendship with Zara and Veronica and the way that the three girls genuinely have a good time together, and she realizes that she wants this for herself as well. She finally sees that Shannon is someone she does actually want to be friends with.
Another important lesson that Shannon learns on her coming-of-age journey is how to understand other people’s perspectives. Her conflict with Wendy is resolved when she is able to understand what Wendy is going through and her role in Wendy’s frustration. The mutual understanding that the two sisters reach is echoed in Shannon’s compassion for Kayla. Kayla does not have to tell Shannon that she is crying in the bushes because of mean friends; Shannon simply recognizes that they have shared experiences. Shannon understands Kayla’s suffering because it is a mirror of her own, and the two girls are able to offer each other support and compassion as a result.
Shannon does not always find it easy to set boundaries with people in her life. Sometimes, her difficulty with boundaries is caused by her own lack of confidence. At other times, boundaries are complicated because Shannon lacks the support to put them in place effectively. For most of the text, Shannon has no idea how to prevent Jenny from bullying her. Even when she can think of a mature way to resolve an argument, she cannot say it out loud because her emotions are too overwhelming. She worries that if she tells everyone in The Group that Jenny tells lies about her, she will be kicked out and will lose all of her friendships, including Adrienne.
Instead of standing up to Jenny, Shannon tries placating her. She apologizes even when she does not think she has done anything wrong, but she still cannot escape Jenny’s ire for reasons that are obscure to her. At the end of the book, Shannon takes a big step toward setting healthy boundaries when she rejects Jenny. The moment is confrontational, but it has the desired effect: Jenny no longer has the power to hurt Shannon as she did before. Around the same time, Shannon finally finds a way to resolve her differences with Wendy. For much of Shannon’s childhood, Wendy is a frightening figure who might get angry with her at any moment. Unable to speak up about her experiences, Shannon feels as though she is living with a bear.
Shannon asks her mother for help setting boundaries with Wendy. Her mother refuses to help her on the basis that standing up for Shannon makes Wendy angrier. Shannon is five years younger than Wendy, and Wendy is often tasked with caring for all of her younger siblings. The power difference between them means that Shannon cannot resolve her issues with her sister without her mother’s help. When her mother refuses to help Shannon set clear boundaries, she fails to give her daughter the resources she needs to communicate with Wendy effectively. Without a role model or a clear path to follow, Shannon has no idea how to improve her experiences. Setting boundaries can be very difficult, and it is not a skill that most people learn independently. When Shannon’s mother eventually tells her about Wendy’s difficulties making friends, Shannon is finally able to see her sister as an individual with her own problems instead of a frightening and unpredictable monster.