On Turning Ten

Fiction | Poem | Adult | Published in 1995

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Summary

Background

Poem Analysis

Themes

Symbols & Motifs

Literary Devices

Themes

Imagination and Creativity

Imagination and the magic of play is at the heart of “On Turning Ten.” The opening stanza sets the tone for the rest of the poem by taking a creative and provocative stance on the process of aging: a “measles of the spirit, / a mumps of the psyche” (Lines 5-6). In the second stanza, the idea of imagination really shines, as the narrator recounts his childhood adventures as a wizard with the power to make himself invisible, as a soldier, and as a prince. The child speaks literally here, rather than figuratively, alluding to some simple and effortless magic only accessible during childhood.

While evocative, the imagery used here is general enough that it could easily be anyone’s childhood, anyone’s magic that they might look back on and remember. This suggests that simply by imagining these things, the child is tapping into a creative force that others—in particular the adult whom he speaks to when he says, “You tell me it is too early to be looking back, / but that is because you have forgotten” (Lines 8-9)—have long since lost. It may be worth exploring the idea that it’s those who retain this imagination and creativity into adulthood—the writers, artists, and storytellers—who create these ideas that feed the boy’s imagination of wizards and soldiers and princes in the first place. And so the cycle continues.

This imaginary world is again present in the fourth stanza, when the boy says, “I walk through the universe in my sneakers,” saying “good-bye to my imaginary friends.” (Lines 25-26) Here the universe represents everything that he has created in the world of his mind, a place that once seemed vast and without limits but has suddenly become very small. He says one last goodbye to the people and creatures that populated that world, still shown here as being very real but a part of another life. This section is ironic in that he has created an entire world, but now that the time has come for him to turn 10, he’s not able to take it with him.

The Slow Descent into Despair

The feeling of despair is omnipresent throughout the piece; what’s notable is that even though children can feel despair for some small thing almost on an hourly basis, here it is presented as a uniquely adult emotion. Turning 10 makes the speaker feel “like I’m coming down with something” (Line 2), which is a feeling presented in motion—rather than something that has happened or is about to happen, it’s something that is happening slowly, a little bit at a time. This is often what our descent into despair feels like; not all at once, but a descent.

In the second stanza, where the child is admonished for his strong feelings, he tells the adult that they “have forgotten / the perfect simplicity” (Lines 9-10) of what it is to live without these feelings. He recounts his childhood until that moment not just as limitless possibility, but as a time unburdened by complex adult feelings of fear and doubt. Although it’s unlikely that his childhood was nothing but joy every single moment, he understands that any obstacle he faced pales in comparison to the long road ahead of him. The fourth stanza opens with “This is the beginning of sadness” (Line 24), suggesting a crossroads, a state of before and after. He acts as though any sadness he had felt up until that moment was not a true expression of that feeling, because true despair is regulated to adulthood in the same way that magic is regulated to childhood; the two are mutually exclusive of each other. This is why when the magic fades away in the final stanza—what he calls “light”—all that’s left inside of him is blood.

Gaining Self-awareness

Self-awareness is something that the speaker of the poem gains more and more of throughout the text. In the first stanza, he reflects that he is “coming down with something” (Line 2). When faced with physical illness, this is often how it begins: a fluttering of awareness somewhere in our bodies that something is starting to go wrong. This shift is familiar enough that the speaker has a point of reference for it, alluding to mumps, measles, and chicken pox, but he also acknowledges that it’s something not quite like anything he’s ever felt before. He reflects on the “perfect simplicity” and the “beautiful complexity” of his childhood, but now he is “mostly at the window / watching the late afternoon light” (Lines 17-18), finding solace in the solemnity of the changing shadows.

In the fourth stanza, he walks “through the universe” (Line 24), saying goodbye to the world he’s created. There’s an irony present here in the limitations of this world, and the implication that he’s first becoming aware of its narrow space and the broader space that exists outside of it. It’s because of this conflicting growing awareness of himself and the world around him that he feels he needs to leave this one behind. Finally, in the fifth stanza, the speaker shows how much his own self-perception has changed: “It seems only yesterday I used to believe / there was nothing under my skin but light” (Lines 28-29). But now he understands that he is flesh and blood and, as such, is vulnerable to the hardships of the world. The speaker is aware of his own shifting fragility in a brand new way.