Notes on an Execution

As she explores the pitfalls of using crimes for entertainment, Kukafka tackles another closely related issue: serial killer as a “glorified title.” The modern idea of a serial killer of women, popularized by people like Ted Bundy, is one of a brilliant, handsome, but psychopathic man. Men who kill women in great enough numbers become objects of cultural fascination, receiving both adulation and disgust from the public.

Even though much of true crime content focuses on male perpetrators and female victims, a 2010 study by Amanda Vicary and Chris Fraley found that women are more likely to consume true crime content than men. Kukafka explores why women might feel drawn to narratives in which they are predominantly victims.

As her characters grapple with an unwanted attraction and fascination toward Ansel, Kukafka deconstructs his character, peeling back a layer of glamorous tropes to reveal the pathetic reality. Notes on an Execution argues that men who kill are not worthy of fascination. Instead, that attention should be redirected toward celebrating and remembering their victims.

Kukafka acknowledges that humans feel a natural curiosity for the morbid. Men like Ansel can put on a convincing facade of emotion to get what they want. Some women, like Hazel, are pulled in by this façade and have trouble shaking their attraction even after the men reveal their cruelty. Others, like Saffy, are fascinated by violent men because knowledge of their actions provides some sense of control in a world where women are constantly victimized.

Saffy’s attraction to Ansel starts as an innocent crush and mutates into an obsession when she starts to suspect him of the 1990 murders. He consumes her waking thoughts, and she upends her life to stalk him for a decade. As she collects scraps of evidence, Saffy subconsciously pedestalizes Ansel, assuming he must be driven by some intricate and twisted motive. She even wonders if her obsession is “some kind of love” (245). Saffy identifies in herself and in other women “an ask, for suffering” (141) that draws them to dangerous men. Having been victimized by Ansel before, she is especially driven to understand his motivations as a way of protecting herself.

As the story progresses, Kukafka peels back the mystique surrounding Ansel through his memories and the observations of others. The mythology he and others have built around him crumbles as readers learn that he is an emotionally apathetic and deeply traumatized man. His society has conditioned him to expect certain things from women and the world, and when he could not give or feel the same love as everyone else, he turned to murder. His actions are devastatingly common, just another man taking out his pain on women. All the women who give parts of their life to Ansel come away with trauma, and some do not survive their encounters.

As Ansel’s weaknesses are revealed, the strength of the three women who share the novel shines in contrast. Lavender, Hazel, and Saffy are complex characters, capable of cruelty and kindness, making mistakes and atoning. Kukafka explores the full range of their experiences and emotions while lending a voice to Ansel’s murdered girls, who are also painted as vibrant, nuanced, and full of potential. The women are depicted as infinitely more interesting than Ansel. They grow as he shrinks, until even Saffy realizes that her obsession with Ansel is misplaced. Her long search for a motive is pointless because Ansel’s crimes are meaningless. All he has created is suffering.

By the end of the novel, Kukafka has flipped the usual script of a crime narrative. Ansel is reduced to the sum of his crimes while his victims are portrayed as the full, vibrant, and beautiful people they were before they met him.

Most of the major characters in Notes on an Execution experience trauma, from abuse to addiction to parental loss. Their experiences follow them into adulthood and affect the ways they interact with the world. While childhood trauma is often used as an explanation for adult violence, Kukafka critically examines this explanation. Through Lavender, Saffy, and Ansel, she explores trauma—how it affects each brain differently, how it can reverberate throughout a lifetime, and the control that its victims retain over their personhood.

As a child, Ansel is abused by his physically abusive father. He is then abandoned by his mother and left to believe that his baby brother has died. After his rescue, he is shunted into the foster care system. All of these traumas place Ansel into the role of victim. Yet he soon becomes a victimizer of women himself, first placing the dismembered fox in Saffy’s bed and then escalating to murder within six years. He kills Angela, Izzy, and Lila in the hopes that the murders will grant him a sense of safety and relief from the constant screaming in his mind.

Ansel subscribes to John Locke’s theory that “we are created by what happened to us, combined with who we chose to be” (91). He uses it as justification for his crimes, insinuating that he became a killer because of the things that were done to him. Kukafka posits that the second half of Locke’s theory matters just as much as the first. Though what happened to Ansel was undoubtedly unfair, he could have chosen to be an entirely different kind of man. There is no justifying his choice to seek safety by killing women.

The stories of Kukafka’s three women exemplify the possibility of breaking traumatic cycles. All the women experience traumas that affect the rest of their lives in unique ways, influenced by their personal brain chemistry and individual experiences. As Saffy notes, “every brain [is] different in its deviance” (217). Yet despite their differing outcomes, each one chooses a way of coping that doesn’t involve violence against other people.

Lavender is victimized by Ansel’s father. Johnny is physically and sexually abusive, leading her to flee and leave her children behind in New York. Lavender spends several years adrift, working as an “exotic” dancer and having a series of fleeting relationships. She finds healing at the Gentle Valley commune among other trauma survivors. She still deals with intense bouts of grief and guilt over leaving Ansel and Ellis but can move forward with the help of her community.

Saffy loses her mother when she is still a preteen. After moving to Miss Gemma’s, she is traumatized by her encounter with Ansel. This trauma develops first into drug addiction, then a gnawing obsession with proving Ansel’s connection to the 1990 murders. She stalks him relentlessly, feeling pulled toward his violence “if only to prove it [can] not touch her” (271). Having once been victimized by Ansel, she seeks safety in understanding his every move. Her campaign of surveillance ends in her accidentally catalyzing Jenny’s murder. Saffy eventually finds a way of coping by throwing herself into her work. She recognizes the harmful potential of her obsession but channels it into saving other people from victimization.

Hazel’s trauma occurs later in life, when Ansel murders her twin Jenny. After a lifetime of seeing herself as part of a unit, she must learn to live on her own. Despite what Ansel took away from her, Hazel doesn’t seek violent vengeance. She takes no joy in his death. She is disgusted by the spectacle that’s been made of his life and turns her attention toward advocating for prison reform and equality. Hazel finds a way of going on by turning outward to help others as well as carrying her sister’s memory with her.

As Ansel says, “it’s not so hard, to be bad” (151). Choosing selfishness and cruelty is easy; it’s hard to remain good in the face of life’s tragedies. While Kukafka’s three women build better lives for themselves, each one struggles with moments of cruelty and mistakes. Imperatively, they accept responsibility for their shortcomings and work through their traumas—internally, in therapy, or with close friends. Doing so helps them avoid perpetuating further hurt. Notes on an Execution posits that while no one can control everything that happens to them nor how their brains process it; everyone can choose to be good.