Never Let Me Go

The incident with the pencil case seems to be the one instance in which Ruth accepts that she has been beaten. Kathy wonders whether Ruth is too ashamed to seek revenge. Still feeling guilty, Kathy takes every opportunity she can to suggest to other people that Ruth is somehow Miss Geraldine’s favorite. Only when she implies to another girl that the mysterious pencil case is a mysterious gift does Ruth seem to forgive her. Ruth returns the favor a month later, as Kathy recounts in a story about losing her favorite music cassette tape, Songs After Dark by Judy Bridgewater.

First, Kathy recalls how the idea of the English county of Norfolk being a “lost corner” of the country became a running joke among her friends. The idea of a lost corner of the country reminded them of Hailsham’s lost property room, so they wondered whether all of the lost property in the country found its way to Norfolk. To the children who had spent almost their entire lives in Hailsham, Norfolk was “like a fantasy land” (44). Years later, Kathy and Tommy found a copy of Songs After Dark in a shop in Norfolk and felt a deep emotional tug.

Kathy returns to the story of Ruth and the tape. She remembers the cover art featuring a woman with a cigarette. Smoking was strictly forbidden at Hailsham, and even pictures of cigarettes were restricted. The revulsion of cigarettes was imbued in the students, and Kathy hid her cassette in case a guardian took it away. She remembers one time when Miss Lucy told the students that it was particularly important that they did not smoke. Hailsham students had to keep themselves healthier than normal people. No one asked why. Guardians always seemed particularly embarrassed when these sorts of questions came up.

One song on Judy Bridgewater’s album is titled “Never Let Me Go.” The song fascinates Kathy, and she listens to it repeatedly when she is alone. As she listens, she imagines a woman who has a baby after being told that she could not. Kathy imagines that the title words are sung by the woman to the baby though she knows that this is not the case. One day Kathy listens to the tape and dances while cradling a pillow like a baby. She sings along and does not hear Madame enter. Kathy is shocked, especially as Madame seems to be crying. Madame leaves, and Kathy turns off the tape and sits on the bed. Kathy tells no one until a few years later when she mentions the incident to Tommy, by which time the children have learned that they will never have children. The children are unmoved and perhaps even excited by this revelation, but Tommy wonders whether Madame viewed Kathy’s lonely dance as tragic.

The tape disappeared a few months after Kathy’s encounter with Madame. Kathy does not consider the events linked but remembers how distraught she felt and how she felt the need to hide this from her friends. She affected a casual air while she asked other students whether they had seen the tape. Ruth joins in the search, and Kathy believes that Ruth understands the emotional importance of the tape and wants to do something nice for her friend. A few weeks later, Ruth gifts Kathy a new cassette. The music is not the same but the gift from Ruth means a great deal to Kathy, and she is happy again. That tape is now one of Kathy’s most “precious possessions,” especially after Ruth’s death. 

Kathy skips ahead to the final years she spent at Hailsham. The earlier years “tend to blend together” (50), but the period of being 13 to 16 felt more serious and darker in certain ways. The conversation beside the pond with Tommy is Kathy’s divider between the two periods. She began to see Miss Lucy in a new light. When the students are 15, they play a baseball-like game called rounders on the pavilion. The boys agree to play with the girls in order to flirt with them, but a bout of rain delays the game. Miss Lucy is the only guardian present, and she stares contemplatively out into the rain. She finally admits that she can no longer “keep silent.” Miss Lucy bluntly tells the children that they do not truly understand their function in life. They will not grow up to have the futures that most children their age enjoy. As soon as they are adults, they will begin to donate their organs. The children have been created to be organ donors, and they will continue to donate organs until they die. The students are puzzled and uncomfortable. Afterwards gossip spreads through the school and no one is quite sure what happened. The main reaction among the students is “so what?”

Later, Tommy and Kathy decide that the students are very carefully fed information about their situation. They grow up vaguely aware of the donations but without the context of what they really mean. Children are taught about sex at age 13 and told about donations at the same time. They focus on the exciting idea of sex and push the discussion of donations to the back of their minds. Kathy remembers one sex education class in which Miss Emily warned the children about diseases and the potential for emotional pain caused by sex. People in the outside world, the students are told, can produce babies through sex. At the same time, she mentions that the students are infertile. Kathy uses Miss Lucy’s description for this method of teaching, which is that the children are “told and not told” about the truth (53).

Earlier, when the students are 13, they joke about the donations every now and then. The subject is no longer taboo. One day Tommy cuts his arm. The healing process takes some time, and another student jokes to him that he must keep his arm straight or the rest of his skin could unzip. Tommy worries that he will do permanent damage and therefore be unable to help a future recipient of his donated organs. He asks Kathy to make a splint for his arm, and she obliges. The other children laugh at Tommy, and his worry about his arm “unzipping” becomes a running joke for anything to do with the donations. After Miss Lucy’s speech, the jokes about donations end. Later, Tommy notes that the students never considered how Miss Lucy felt. He believes that they were too selfish. 

One morning after most of the children have turned 16, Kathy is exiting the main building with the others when she realizes she left something in the classroom. She rushes back inside and hears a strange hissing sound. Kathy investigates and enters a classroom to find Miss Lucy furiously scratching a pencil across pages of neat handwriting. Kathy apologizes and leaves. She feels confused and ashamed and mentions the incident to no one. Kathy happens to be going through a rough patch in her friendship with Tommy and Ruth during this period so she cannot seek them out to tell them what happened.

Kathy recalls that she noticed Tommy change that year, he seemed in danger of reverting to his old, explosive self. One day Kathy tries to show him a piece of art she has purchased from the Exchanges, but he reacts badly and walks away in a mood. Kathy only knows the scale of the problem in retrospect, so she explains: Ruth and Tommy had become a couple, but after six months they fought about something and broke up for a short time. This brief breakup interfered with Kathy’s explorations of her own sexuality.

All of the students are confused by sex. They are interested in sex but lack any privacy. Homosexuality is also of interest to some students, but they become targets for bullies. The students cannot decide whether the guardians are encouraging them to have sex. Kathy notices that many of her peers claim to have had sex but she knows they are lying. Nevertheless, she begins to suspect that she is being left out. She decides to have sex with a boy named Harry but delays for weeks because she wants to prepare. Films and novels lack any real details, so she eventually decides to simply proceed with her plan. Then Tommy and Ruth break up and “it all got confused” (62). 

Kathy is in the art room a few days after Tommy and Ruth split. A friend makes a comment about Kathy being the “natural successor” as Tommy’s girlfriend. A few days later, another friend points out Tommy sitting alone. Kathy tries to understand whether there is a deeper meaning to these comments. Her plans with Harry are thrown into disarray, but she appreciates that he does not gossip about her behind her back. Many years later, she sees him at a hospital. Harry is weak after many donations and barely recognizes Kathy. She cannot help but feel sorry for him.

During the summer of Tommy and Ruth’s breakup, the students invent a way to listen to music together. They have portable cassette players but only a few, so they sit in a circle and take turns for 20 seconds with the headphones. Ruth approaches Kathy during a listening session and asks to talk. Ruth asks Kathy to help her and Tommy reconciliate. Kathy is surprised but agrees to talk to Tommy. Ruth admits that she and Tommy have both “done daft things just to hurt each other” (65), but she believes they are now equal. She believes that they were made for one another, but Kathy makes her promise not to hurt Tommy again. Ruth agrees and notes that they will soon be adults and leave Hailsham. They cannot afford to waste time.

Several days later, Kathy talks to Tommy. She begins by mentioning his apparent lack of happiness in recent weeks. He disagrees and flashes his signature warm smile. Kathy thinks it makes him seem naïve. She tells him he looks stupid and that he needs to grow up. He finally accepts that “things have been falling apart” for him (66). Kathy tells him that this is because he split up with Ruth. He corrects her and tells a story about Miss Lucy. He had helped her carry heavy boxes one day when she told him that they needed a serious conversation. Miss Lucy told Tommy that he should actually be concerned about being creative and that she had done him a disservice. She told him that his art was bad, and she blamed herself. Miss Lucy insisted that the art was important both as evidence and for its own sake.

Tommy still does not understand her meaning, and neither does Kathy. All Miss Lucy told him was that the matter concerned Madame’s gallery and that there were many things he did not understand about the world outside Hailsham. Miss Lucy hugged him and then left. Kathy suddenly remembers the purpose of their conversation. She implores Tommy to get back with Ruth as they have limited time. He explains that the limited time is exactly why he cannot rush back to Ruth. They are interrupted before she can ask him what he means.

The next day the students are in their Culture Briefing class. The class involves role-playing real world scenarios to prepare for life after Hailsham. The students are interrupted by the news that Miss Lucy is leaving Hailsham. Kathy wants to be the first to tell Tommy, but she is too late. That evening, Ruth and Tommy get back together. The last days at Hailsham are spent with Ruth thanking Kathy for her help.