Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

As Wendell tells Lori about a cartoon character who finds himself behind prison bars and cries for freedom while not noticing that there are no other walls to his cell, he introduces a powerful symbol in the context of a book on self-understanding and self-realization. The jail we put ourselves in is most frequently one that locks away our freedom to choose, to live fully, or to enjoy life. Within our psychological reality, such prisons have tiny cells and strong bars that prevent us from ever leaving, and crying for help usually does not bring assistance.

However, as in the cartoon Wendell mentions, our inner jails often contain no side walls, and if we look at our cells from a different perspective, we might realize that we have always been free. Most of the characters in the book, including Lori, have jails of their own, which restrict their psychological movement, be it an addiction to pain or alcohol, a refusal to mourn and experience the full range of emotions, or the inability to face up to our fear of death or uncertainty. The feeling of the jail is real, as is everyone’s individual struggle to be free, but as Wendell says, “There is a way out—as long as we’re willing to see it” (304). 

The motif of self-image represents the perception of self that everyone holds. Depending on the self-image we create, we can either lead peaceful normal lives or spiral into worry, self-doubt, and despair. Because the book deals with the therapeutic process, the self-image most characters present is often destructive or flawed enough that it renders them incapable of dealing with life on their own. With the introduction of each of Lori’s patients, the author gives us a detailed look at their self-image, and she enables us to trace the change that therapy brings about. In that sense, the motif of self-image is a signpost for following Gottlieb’s line of argument for therapy. 

Denial as a defense mechanism implies a rejection of certain aspects of reality that we find unacceptable or intolerable, which blinds us to external events. As a motif in this book, denial represents the characters’ inability to cope with their issues, and it is valuable for the author as a device that brings the readers into the characters’ inner worlds as we attempt to understand why they are denying the existence of certain phenomena. Gottlieb uses the motif of denial as a reminder of how the psyche works, by which she invites the readers to investigate their own perspectives and processes of denial: This is how the book functions as a memoir and popular science text but also as a self-help book.  

The author uses the words “insight” and “insightful” several times in the book, always to imply the beneficial understanding of a certain process that happens inside of ourselves or others. As a motif, insight threads itself through the book because the book itself is about achieving it. Gottlieb utilizes her professional experience and her personal history to allow us to gain a better understanding of how therapy works, and, more importantly, of how human psyche works. Each character achieves valuable insight into his or her condition by the end of the book, and the repetition of this motif becomes a measure of success or advancement within the therapeutic process.