Lysistrata

“To pile up one pyre and set it afire / For all with a hand in this wicked affair / Can pass without debate or amendments / Or special pleading—well, first get Lycon’s wife.” 

Another example of Aristophanes taking a jab at a contemporary figure—in this case, the politician Lycon’s wife, who was rumored to be rather promiscuous.

“If somebody had done a proper job. / Of slapping them, they’d keep their yappers shut.” 

Despite various threats of physical violence, the fight between Lysistrata’s male and female choruses is mostly verbal (with the occasional slapstick scuffle).

“‘You hear what nerve-?’ / ‘Why not? I’m not a slave.’”

One of the cruxes of the women’s argument is that men do not respect them enough as Athenian citizens. Their demands for silent female servility are more befitting for slaves.

“These flaming women… You hear them whoop it up—they’re on the roofs— / Exactly like in the Assembly once. / Demostratus—goddamn him—made the speech / That sent us into Sicily […] This is what / Happens because of women on the loose.” 

The Councilor makes an absurd connection between women acting out and the politician Demostratus’ speech which led to the ruinous Sicilian expedition.

“You’re not the judge of me!” 

One of many jibes at the chorus of old men for being jurors, whom Aristophanes often portrayed as busybody freeloaders. Lazy old Athenian men apparently loved jury duty for the free food.

“Hey, slack-jaw, move! What are you waiting for? […] Both of you, put these levers in the gates / From that side, and from here I’ll stick mine in / And help you shove”

One of Lysistrata’s many overtly sexual metaphors. After the men try to force the gate with their “levers,” Lysistrata comes out to chide them for their unwillingness to talk it out first.

“‘And your plan is—?’ / ‘You have to ask? It’s management.’ / ‘Of public funds? By you?’ / ‘And what’s so strange in that? / You let us women do the budgeting at home.’”

Athenian women were responsible for the nitty gritty details of budgeting and household management; the skill set, Lysistrata argues, should also be applicable to civic management at large.

“‘Spindles and gobs of wool—it’s just too fatuous. / We’re in a crisis.’ / ‘With a modicum of smarts, / You’d copy the administration of our wool.’”

Lysistrata not only refuses to allow the Councilor to denigrate women’s talents; she suggests that men stand to learn something from a woman’s way of approaching problems.

“‘Don’t men get old?’ / ‘You know it’s nothing like the same! / Any decrepit veteran, no questions asked, / Can get a child-bride, but a woman’s chance is zip / After her prime.’” 

While there were no hard and fast age limits for marriage, Athenian men usually married around age thirty, while most women were married between the ages fourteen to sixteen. Missing that window would have been detrimental for many brides-to-be.

“‘Our queenly leader, chief conspirator, / Why do you come forward in such a royal snit?’ / ‘The dastard weakness of the female mind / Bids me to pace in fury and despair.’”

A spoof of similar overly dramatic scenes in tragedies; this one was apparently from a lost play of Euripides.

“‘I swear by Hecate, / I’ll only stay to give it one good—shuck.’ / ‘No shucking way.’”

While many of the play’s explicit sexual puns are difficult to render in English, some translate better than others.

“But if the bickering birds fly separate ways, / Leaving the sacred temple, it will show / That—swallows are the world’s most shameless trash.”

An excerpt from the silly prophecy Lysistrata receives from an oracle. Aristophanes and other educated men of his time were skeptical of such oracles’ legitimacy—they were often wishy-washy texts whose legitimacy could not be verified.

“Your duty is to roast him on that spit. / You will, you won’t, you might—just lead him on. / Remember, though: you swore on booze—no sex!”

These are Lysistrata’s instructions to Myrrhine at the arrival of her husband, Cinesias. Comedy made booze and sex out to be women’s vices, so it is funny when Lysistrata leverages one to enforce an embargo on the other.

“What’s wrong with you? No feeling for your child? / Six days he’s gone without a bath or food.” 

Apparently in Myrrhine’s absence, her and Cinesias’ household has fallen into disarray. As in modern shows like Married… with Children and The Simpsons, the useless househusband was a funny image to the Greeks.

“‘No, never mind, it’s perfect.’ / ‘You’re a dork.’”

While tragedy’s characters spoke in a high, archaic register, comedies often featured familiar human moments like this one, an affectionate exchange between husband and wife.

“Where do I find the Elders in this town? / No, sorry, your—Directors? I got news.”

A charming cultural mix-up from the Spartan herald; Sparta was governed by a Council of Elders, not the more democratic institutions of Athens. His “I got news” also has a provincial feel to it, reflecting the funny dialect Aristophanes gave his Spartan characters.

“‘Women revolt me. And it stays that way.’ / ‘There’s lots of time. But I can’t bear to see / You standing garmentless. / I’ll come and put this cloak over you.’”

It is the female chorus’s kindness towards the old men which ultimately bridges the divide.

“Gentlemen, I don’t mean to call / A fellow citizen a snot or blot […] I’ll be much more than fair! / Sufficient are the evils that you’ve got.” 

The united chorus addresses the audience, whom it insults in a roundabout way while claiming not to insult them. Ancient comedic performances were raucous affairs for the spectators: no-one was safe.

“Laconian gentlemen, our best to you! / Tell us in what condition you’ve arrived.’ / ‘This isn’t gonna take a wordy talk. / A look-see for yourselves should do the trick.” 

Besides providing Aristophanes with another opportunity for a visual gag with the erection props, this passage also sees him poke fun at a common Spartan stereotype: they were famously men of few words. We get our word “laconic” from Laconian (another word for Spartan) due to the blunt and concise Spartan way of speaking.

“If we don’t hurry and negotiate, / We’ll have to make a date with Cleisthenes.” 

Another jab at a local Athenian of Aristophanes’ day, who was apparently known to be effeminate. This passage usefully shows that Athenians were not morally opposed to homosexual activity; rather, it was seen as the less preferable, last ditch option.

“You who’s got by far the biggest balls of all, / Show you’ve got the greatest tact and gall of all! / Be high-class, low-class, sweet, self-righteous—everything.”

The united chorus pays its respects to Lysistrata and trusts her ability to speak for every Greek citizen.

“I am a woman, but I have a mind / That wasn’t bad to start with, and I got / A first-class education listening / to Father and the elders year on year.”

Here Aristophanes suggests that women are not inherently less intelligent than men. Despite their lack of formal education, their ancillary presence in civic life and keen observational skills means they too can give useful advice.

“Buddy, you can’t have every friggin’ thing!” 

An excerpt from the Athenians and Spartans quarrel over different territories, as represented by portions of the Goddess of Deals’ body. A similar hashing out of contested territories had already taken place—and failed—at the peace of Nicias (421 BCE).