Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s

For hundreds of years, scholars have tried to understand the nature of creativity. What separates creative thinkers from the rest of the population? Einstein perceived time and space as no one ever had before; Picasso envisioned the human form in a radically different way, one that revolutionized the art world. Is there a physiological or cognitive difference between truly creative thinkers and the vast majority of us? A study published in The Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders offers a tentative “yes.” The study found “a strong link between autism and creativity.” (Cohen, Barb. “Autism and Creativity.” Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, 18 Dec. 2016.) Creativity (or “divergent thinking”) is the ability to see familiar things in a new or different way, like taking the familiar concept of time and seeing it as a fourth dimension. Divergent thinkers see possibilities where most people cannot see beyond the limits of their own rote thinking. The cognitive differences that define people on the autism spectrum, which often make them the subject of ridicule, may be the very differences that define their distinctive abilities.

Robison’s creativity manifests in his problem-solving skills. When Ace Frehley wants an exploding guitar, Robison examines the problem methodically and, using his stock of prior knowledge, invents a solution. He does it repeatedly, across a variety of careers and disciplines. He does it with guitars, with toys, and with cars. When a musician describes a particular sound he wants from his amplifier, Robison visualizes the abstract concept of a sound and translates it into an electronic language that becomes physical hardware. He attributes his creativity to his precise focus and his diligent work ethic. Indeed, creative genius has sometimes been characterized as a small amount of insight plus hours of hard work. Robison is certainly willing to put in the time and effort others are not, but maybe it’s more than that. In the recesses of human consciousness, perhaps the cognitive glitch that results in autism also affords those minds a unique ability to see beyond the constraints that hamper “normal” minds.

The ability to forgive someone, especially someone guilty of severe abuse or neglect, is a quality often attributed to saints or self-help gurus. After all, it is human nature to hold on to resentment and anger in the absence of justice. When the victim is a child and the perpetrator is a parent, forgiveness becomes even more difficult. The abuse causes physical harm, but the abuse of trust can result in long-term emotional damage. How can a child learn to trust an adult when their life experience teaches them that adults are to be feared? Furthermore, when that childhood trauma evolves into a variety of future psychological problems, resentment has had decades to fester, making it even more difficult to forgive.

It's hard to imagine a more frightening environment than the one Robison describes. He is not only terrorized by his “nighttime” father who drinks and beats him, but he is further handicapped by his Asperger’s, which makes processing the abuse even more difficult. The victimization he suffers as a child makes him aggressive as an adult, and his inability to understand the consequences of his actions becomes an incentive to continue them. His behavior ranges from cruel (convincing his mother that his brother was abducted by a stranger) to criminal (staging a mock hanging over a flaming pentagram). Knowing the trauma Robison suffered as a child makes his behavior understandable if not forgivable.

Although Robison spends much of his life resenting his parents, he eventually finds the inner strength to forgive them. The catalyst is his father’s impending death. Some might hold on to their resentment and view their abuser’s death with a smug serves him right; but when his father reminds him of the good times, Robison sees him in a new light, not as an inhuman monster but as a damaged human being who tried, and frequently failed, to do his best. Forgiveness requires letting go of resentment, which can be difficult when resentment has become an intrinsic (and familiar) part of one’s identity. Robison is able to forgive because, as he releases so much of his damaged past, he jettisons his resentment alongside the rest of the baggage.