I'm Thinking of Ending Things

To pass the time on their drive, the protagonist offers to tell Jake a story from when she took a driving lesson at 16 years old. The instructor, Doug, hands her the keys to the car with a large J on the keyring. Because it is raining heavily, Doug has her pull into the parking lot of a coffee shop to wait out the rain. They begin talking, with Doug asserting that experience and maturity are more important than age. He shares with her a line of Jungian philosophy that states: “The meaning of existence is that life has addressed a question to me. Or, conversely, I myself am a question which is addressed to the world, and I must communicate my answer, for otherwise, I am dependent upon the world’s answer” (42). The instructor gives the protagonist a piece of candy. He opens the wrapper of his own and splits the candy with the protagonist.

The driving instructor explains the candy is from another female student and that he enjoys the literally translated maxims on the inside of the wrapper. Though they don’t make sense in English, he considers them short poems. The protagonist’s phone rings, interrupting her story. She lies to Jake and says it’s a friend, then resumes the story.

During one of his lessons with the girl, the girl confidently tells the driving instructor she is the best kisser “in the world.” The protagonist argues that it is impossible to be the best at kissing, as kissing requires two people. The driving instructor’s mood abruptly changes, and he has the protagonist drive back home. The protagonist describes how she left his car, briefly went inside, then returns before he pulls away and has him roll his window down.

Jake interrupts her story and assumes she kissed the driving instructor. He claims that all memory is fiction because memory changes with each recollection, so her memory is more of a fictionalized story than something that happened in reality.

The protagonist doesn’t correct him about his assumption but reveals to the reader that she did not kiss the instructor. Rather, she read out the candy wrapper’s inscription to him. It is a message of loneliness and a desire for connection.

Jake and the protagonist discuss the benefits of ageing, particularly how it allows an individual to know themselves better. She asks Jake to turn the volume of the radio down and wonders if he is deaf. Privately, the protagonist questions the necessity of being in a relationship. Solitude and independence seem more suited to her way of life, but she still hesitates to end their relationship the more emotionally intimate she feels with Jake.

She asks Jake to describe the lab he works in. She enjoys when he talks in-depth about his work and admires his intelligence. She considers Jake’s identity a “never-ending puzzle.” Jake talks about the idea of critical balance and the inherent fragility of all relations on all levels. She asks Jake whether he has ever felt depression, as she herself has long felt “flat.” Jake admits to often feeling anxiety as a child, particularly an anxiety that one of his limbs might fall off. This stems from growing up on a farm and watching lambs’ tails, bound shortly after birth, fall off from lack of blood.

The protagonist’s phone rings again. She lies to Jake about who is calling then listens to the voice message. This time, the Caller does not speak. She can hear only running water.

The protagonist asks Jake about his last girlfriend, a grad student she has seen around the campus. The protagonist is curious whether the ex-girlfriend considered ending things and contemplates talking to her before making her decision about Jake. Jake responds that they were never truly committed to one another: “It didn’t start out any more serious than when it ended” (68).

The protagonist’s thoughts return to the question of what makes a relationship meaningful to her and whether she should sacrifice her solitude to continue a relationship with Jake: “Is it better to be paired up or alone?” (72). She desires to be known by another person in a way she has never experienced before. Despite this, she believes solitude allows a person to fully know themselves without the influence of another person. She remembers Jake telling her the only photo he keeps in his office is one of himself as a child because it reminds him of how much he has physically changed while holding the same identity.