I'm Glad My Mom Died

Nonfiction | Autobiography / Memoir | Adult | Published in 2022

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Chapters 56-61Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapter 56 Summary

Jennette and her brothers sit in silence as their mother’s body is wheeled into a hospice van. Listless and numb, they are unsure of what to do with themselves. Her father asks what they all want to do, and when he is met with no response, he suggests the mall. They all agree and go to the mall together to get Jennette a new phone case. After she buys the phone case, they get some food at a café, and Jennette is relieved to find that her grief makes it impossible for her to eat. When she gets back to her own big, empty house, she does not know what to do. She texts her friends to see if they want to keep her company. They go out to eat in Little Tokyo, where Jennette binges on food and alcohol. She is ravenous. Filled with shame over her binging, she attempts to throw up all the food. After several tries, she finally vomits, and feels accomplished. She realizes that this allows her to binge as much as she wants to, without gaining any weight. She thinks that this is the beginning of a good thing.

Chapter 57 Summary

Jennette prepares for her mother’s funeral, doing her hair and makeup in her mother’s preferred style, even though she hates it. On her way to the funeral, she wrestles with the question she has been struggling with since her mother’s health significantly declined: will she sing “Wing Beneath My Wings”? Her lingering Mormon beliefs lead her to fear her mother looking down on her disappointingly. They arrive at the church, and though she hasn’t been there in years, it smells just how she remembers it. She continues her internal debate about singing and looks through the sheet music for the song that she brought along. She knows that she cannot sing the song; she does not have the range. When it is time for her eulogy, the last one of the funeral, she is still unsure whether or not she will sing. When she gets to the microphone, all she can do is break out in uncontrollable tears.

Chapter 58 Summary

As Jennette waits patiently on set for the children working as extras to calm down, the assistant director thanks her for being a good sport. She bristles at the phrase, as she feels that she has been hearing it a lot lately. While she has had to turn down multiple projects due to her Sam & Cat obligations, her co-star, Ariana Grande, has been able to neglect the show in order to work on her burgeoning pop music career. Jennette had reasoned with herself that maybe she hasn’t been able to take on other projects because she can’t miss a full episode of the show. When she learns that Ariana will be absent for a full episode, she feels angry and resentful. Being a good sport has started to feel like she is being taken advantage of and manipulated. As Ariana’s fame grows, Jennette is confronted with her feelings of jealousy and anger. She would rather be a rising star like Ariana than a good sport.

Chapter 59 Summary

Jennette goes to a party at a dance club with Colton and Liam, a boy she has been flirtatious with for a few months. She feels confident that she and Liam will have sex soon, maybe in the next few weeks. She no longer fears losing her virginity, and in fact, feels like she doesn’t care much about anything since her mother died. She is glad that she doesn’t care enough about Liam that she will get overly attached after they have sex, a phenomenon she has heard a lot about. When they arrive at the club, Jennette is already so drunk that Colton and Liam need to help her walk. She watches another girl flirt with Liam and remembers how her mother always told her not to trust other women. Jennette observes other women flirt and talk to men so that she knows how not to act. At the end of the night, Colton ends up back at her place, and they have sex despite her trepidation. The next day, she wakes up sore and uncomfortable. Colton leaves, and she binges on breakfast food as she tries to drown out her feelings.

Chapter 60 Summary

Jennette’s disordered eating has cycled through stages: anorexia, binge eating, and, finally, bulimia. Her weight has fluctuated, but she has never been healthy. Despite this, Jennette always gets compliments for her small size. Inside, she feels like she is completely falling apart.

Chapter 61 Summary

Jennette gets ready for a Monday table read, where they go over episode titles and shooting schedules. She is excited, because this time, her name should be listed as director for one of the show’s final episodes. While she mostly signed on to the spin-off for her mother, she also did it because The Creator promised that she could direct an episode. Jennette sees it as a way of proving that she is more than just a child actor.

When she sits down to the table read and looks at the schedule, she sees that her name isn’t there. Shaken, she seeks out answers from various producers, all of whom remain tight-lipped. She tries to keep it together as she prepares to shoot a scene for the show. On the third take, she can no longer keep it together, and collapses into the most “hideous, intense cry” as her life “pours out” of her (320).

Later, in her trailer, a producer comes to her and tells her that someone very important had made it clear that they did not want Jennette directing an episode, and they would walk away from the show if she did. Stunned and feeling completely at a loss, Jennette prepares for her next scene.

Chapters 56-61 Analysis

Jennette’s descent into bulimia directly follows the loss of her mother, and quickly spirals out of control. She reflects on how, despite her malnutrition and unhealthy relationship with food and alcohol, the world sees her as healthy and beautiful. Much like her career and her relationship with her mother, Jennette is in an unwilling performance of health and wellness. Just as she has learned to hide and bury her dislike of acting and her resentment of her mother, she has taken to hiding her binge eating and purging.

After her mother’s death, Jennette speaks far less of her career. The reader is not privy to how and when her spin-off show was created, and it is only mentioned when incidental to what Jennette is experiencing mentally. This underscores how much of Jennette’s career as an actor was always about her mother, not her. Her decision to do the spin-off show at all was largely at the behest of her mother. Now, her mother is gone, and there is only one remaining purpose she feels in her hated role as Sam Puckett: the opportunity to direct.

The promise to direct represents a potential career path for Jennette outside of child stardom. When that is taken from her, Jennette collapses into an inconsolable state of grief, one that she has not been able to have since her mother passed. It is implied but not directly stated that Jennette’s co-star is responsible for her opportunity being taken away from her. The sense of meaninglessness that has permeated Jennette’s life after her mother’s death feels more all-encompassing, as now both reasons she has stayed in a role and career she hates are gone.