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73 pages 2 hours read

Jennette McCurdy

I'm Glad My Mom Died

Nonfiction | Autobiography / Memoir | Adult | Published in 2022

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Chapters 41-47Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapter 41 Summary

The Creator pressures Jennette to drink alcohol with him, telling her that the cast of his other hit show, Victorious, is more rebellious. As the details of her spin-off show are being worked out, Jennette has been eating dinner with The Creator frequently. She tries his drink and lies and tells him she enjoys it. She knows that she has to continue to act however he wants her to and can’t make any fuss. The Creator reminds her that he could have given anyone this opportunity, but he chose her, and she needs to be grateful. He asks if she is okay, and she tells him that she is, even though she is anxious and guilty about how much she ate. He tells her that she should be okay because she is getting an opportunity that everyone dreams about. He puts his coat on her and begins massaging her shoulders. It makes Jennette uncomfortable, but she feels she can’t protest. As he massages her shoulders, The Creator continues to talk about how lucky she is.

Chapter 42 Summary

Jennette is moving into her own apartment, and her mother is watching her pack. Jennette has had to move to Burbank in order to be near the set; her mother can no longer drive. Her mother is now in a wheelchair, and while they act lighthearted about it, they both know that she will never walk independently again. Jennette is sad to leave her mom, but she is secretly also excited to live on her own for the first time. Her mother has become weaker, and acts desperately, speaking in a tiny voice (231). Jennette hates and resents this. Her mother gives her a DVD copy of The Sting, a movie they both like. Her mother suggests that they watch it together after Jennette unpacks. She presses further and suggests that she spend the night at Jennette’s apartment. Jennette recognizes that her mother will not let her live by herself. She doesn’t want to, but she agrees to let her mother spend the night, which continues indefinitely: “This is our apartment. We are roommates” (232).

Chapter 43 Summary

While on a log flume ride at Six Flags with her iCarly cast members, Jennette feels one of them touching her inappropriately. This co-worker, Joe, is in his thirties and is in a relationship, but Jennette knows that he is doing this on purpose, and she doesn’t want him to stop. They have had a flirtatious relationship for several months, and she wants to impress him. Despite not having any romance in her life since she kissed Lucas in a hotel room, she knows that they are more than just friends, and she knows that they will be together.

Chapter 44 Summary

Jennette tells her mother that she is having a sleepover with Miranda, so her mother cannot stay with her tonight. Her mother laments this, telling Jennette that she doesn’t know what she will do without her, and she loves her so much. Jennette is actually spending the night with Joe, who her mother does not know about. Her mother enters a dissociative state. When Jennette turns to leave, her mother throws a remote at her head, calling her a liar and a “whore.” Disturbed, Jennette gets into Joe’s car and tries to move on from the interaction, but she finds Joe distraught. As she requested, he has broken up with his girlfriend, but now he is upset. He angrily tells Jennette that this wasn’t worth it because they don’t even have sex. He asks for oral sex, which she denies. Eventually, she acquiesces, though she does not know what she is doing. When Joe orgasms, she is confused about what happened, and Joe laments her age.

Chapter 45 Summary

Joe and Jennette are on a vacation in Maui, paid for by Nickelodeon as a Season 5 wrap gift. They have been a couple for one year. Joe is often drunk, and they still have not had sex. Still, Jennette feels like this relationship is so much better than the one between her parents; she and Joe may be tumultuous, but at least they also have fun. However, her mother still does not know about Joe. Her mom had to move out of Jennette’s apartment in order to be closer to her oncologist, but she now calls 10 times a day. In order to keep the romantic vacation a secret, Jennette has told her mother that she is with her gay friend. On the third day of the trip, paparazzi get pictures of Jennette and Joe paddleboarding. Jennette her mother will discover the truth and she panics. Upset and exhausted, she falls asleep at the hotel at 6:00pm. She wakes up to 37 missed calls from her mother and several emails, including one that berates her in vicious language. Her mother posts cruel messages on Jennette’s fan page. She also accuses Jennette of causing her cancer to come back. Jennette emails back, apologizing and asking to speak to her mother in person. Her mother agrees.

Chapter 46 Summary

After the Maui incident, Jennette expected that she and her mother would speak about what had happened and what had been said. Instead, when they met up, her mother talked about Jennette’s career. Since then, they have settled into a rhythm of meeting up for a few hours and not speaking about anything consequential. As a birthday celebration for her mother, the two of them go out to dinner at Panda Express. Abruptly, Jennette’s mother asks her if she will sing “Wind Beneath My Wings” at her funeral. Jennette is shocked because her mother’s worsening cancer has been one of the things that they do not talk about. Her mother pushes further, offering notes and advice on how to sing the song before Jennette has even agreed. Her mother pressures her to try singing it right there in the restaurant. Jennette relents, and her mother critiques her performance.

Chapter 47 Summary

Jennette’s mother comes to visit at her new apartment, with Jennette’s grandfather pushing her wheelchair. The view of Sunset features a Nickelodeon billboard with Jennette’s smiling face plastered on it, which she hates. After having tea in her apartment, Jennette heads to her grandfather’s car with her mother so that they can go to lunch. Her mother requests that they go to Wendy’s, which irritates Jennette; she knows that her mother is asking to go there so that she can brag to her church friends about how humble she is. As they drive to Wendy’s, they pass into the view of the billboard, and Jennette’s mother takes a disposable photo of it. The camera then falls from her hand as she begins convulsing and foaming at the mouth. When the ambulance arrives, an EMT recognizes Jennette and lets her ride in the back with her mother. Jennette acknowledges that this is a rare time that she appreciates being recognized. As they head to the hospital, they pass by the billboard again, and Jennette feels mocked by her giant fake smile.

Chapters 41-47 Analysis

When Jennette’s mother asks to stay the night, Jennette processes the subtext similarly to the first time her mother asked if she wanted to be an actress. She knows that she wants to say no to her mother, but also that there is only one correct answer if she wants to fulfill her primary purpose of making her mother happy: “This is mom moving in. I don’t want her to spend the night. ‘Sure, you can spend the night,’ I say” (232). Though Jennette continues to acquiesce to her mother’s possessiveness, she has gained a newfound frustration with her mother’s manipulation. She goes back-and-forth in her mind between her anger at her mother and a strong sense of guilt: “I almost feel like she’s enjoying this. I almost feel like she’s enjoying the pain. Like it’s a representation to her of how much I care” (231). 

After months of living together, Jennette plans to meet up with her secret boyfriend, Joe. She knows that her mother would never approve of her choosing to spend time with someone else, let alone a boyfriend. When she lies to her mother and tells her she is having a sleepover with Miranda, her mother employs her usual tactic of performatively acting morose and pathetic. When Jennette gets ready to leave anyway, her mother becomes violent, throwing a remote at her and screaming slurs and obscenities at Jennette. This is new for their relationship: “Mom’s been harsh with me before, but she’s never spoken to me like this” (236). It is reminiscent of her mother’s behavior with Jennette’s father during their constant fights. Young Jennette, unlike her father, was able to always appease her mother and predict her behaviors. Now, as she attempts to gain a healthy level of independence, she has truly slipped from her mother’s control for the first time. Her mother’s response is rage. This only escalates when her mother discovers that she has been on vacation with Joe and proceeds to bombard Jennette with abusive voicemails and emails that call her evil, promiscuous, and fat. She tells Jennette that she is disowning her, but also ends an email telling Jennette to send her money for a new fridge. When Jennette returns to California and they meet up, her mother only wants to talk about Jennette singing at her funeral, her abusive emails and incredible rage seemingly forgotten. Her volatile emotions seem to be just a reflexive response to Jennette behaving outside of her control, and she has moved on to a subject that makes her feel more empowered over Jennette again: her impending death.

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