I'm Glad My Mom Died

Nonfiction | Autobiography / Memoir | Adult | Published in 2022

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Chapters 1-4Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapter 1 Summary

At age six, Jennette is with her family opening up her birthday present. She attempts to open the gift without ripping the paper because her mother likes to save the paper. She observes each of her family members, reflecting on their personalities and relationships: her three brothers, her nosy and dramatic grandmother, her ice cream-loving grandfather, her constantly fighting parents.

She turns her attention to her mother: “Mom’s watching me and I’m watching her and that’s how it always is. We’re always connected. Intertwined” (12). She doesn’t like her gift, but Jennette dutifully performs excitement for her mother.

Two hours later, she is at a small party thrown for her with other children from her Mormon church, and still keeps her attention on her mother. Just before she blows out her candles, she thinks about how her mother is a stage four cancer survivor who constantly talks about her diagnosis and possibility of relapse. As Jennette blows out her candles, she wishes that her mother will live another year.

Chapter 2 Summary

Jennette sits on the counter as her mother does her hair, trying her best to behave. Her mother gets into an angry phone argument with Jennette’s father about him coming home late. She vents to Jennette that she was destined for a better life, where she could have a financially stable man and career as an actress. She blames her parents for not letting her pursue her dreams. She tells Jennette that she wants her to have the life she couldn’t have, and Jennette already knows what her mother means and what she expects of her. Her mother suggests she become an actress and asks her that’s what she wants. Knowing that there is only “one right answer” (22), Jennette says yes.

Chapter 3 Summary

Jennette auditions for an agency called Academy Kids with a monologue for a commercial spot for Jell-O. Still only six years old, she feels panic over performing as her mother has planned: “I’ve never felt this way before. Sick to my stomach from nerves” (23). She auditions in front of an agent, but she senses that he was not excited by her performance.

Jennette is chosen as a background actor, as opposed to a principal actor that gets speaking roles. Jennette feels a mix of shame and jealousy. She watches as her mother fills out the contract with the acting agency. Her mother tells her that she is lucky because she will only take money from Jennette’s salary for “essentials.” When Jennette questions what that means, her mother gets defensive. The agent tells Jennette’s mother that Jennette has potential to do principal work, but he questions if she really wants to be an actress. Her mother insists that she “wants this more than anything” (27).

Chapter 4 Summary

The Friday after Jennette is signed to Academy Kids, she is woken up at 3am for an extra role on X-Files. Though she doesn’t need to be there until 5am, her mother has a fear of driving on highways, so they leave early. Her mother emphasizes that this is a sacrifice she is making for Jennette.

They arrive early, so they are directed to the catering table. Jennette’s mother stuffs pastries and snacks into her purse, while Jennette eats candy and snacks that she normally doesn’t get. The scene Jennette is in involves them suffocating to death in a gas chamber, and Jennette is sure to remember the details so that she can relay them to her mother.

On the way home, after a long day, Jennette is exhausted, but her mother is elated about the suffocation scene: “You’re gonna be a star, Nettie. I just know it. You’re gonna be a star” (34).

Chapters 1-4 Analysis

Throughout the book, Jennette narrates in the present tense, sharing the perspective she held at the time she describes. As she relates her thoughts and feelings on her sixth birthday, it becomes clear that to Jennette even her own birthday is really about her mother. She uses her birthday wish to wish that her mother will live one more year, creating a sense of comic irony with the book’s title. From Jennette’s early childhood, she has a strong belief that her mother’s happiness is her responsibility and holds priority over her own.

Jennette’s relationship with religion is informed by her mother’s illness; she knows that her family only began going to church regularly when her mother got sick and imagines God as someone you seek out when you need something. Her social world is also determined by her proximity to church since the only other children she knows are from the church primary class. Religion and ritual are entangled in Jennette’s understanding of her mother’s cancer, which was a weekly topic of discussion that glorified her mother’s struggle and recovery. Every Sunday after church, they rewatch a video of the family struggling with her illness (16), while she somewhat gleefully explains how hard her cancer was on the family. Though Jennette barely remembers this time in her mother’s life, it is such a frequent topic of conversation that it is a part of the family lore.

Though she is the center of her mother’s focus, she is also treated by her mother like an object. She asks Jennette if she wants to act by saying: “You want to be Mommy’s little actress?” (22), both describing her as a possession and manipulating a desired response from Jennette. The question itself is moot, not only because Jennette knows that there is “only one right answer” (22), but because Jennette is already acting for her mother. Throughout this conversation, she has been behaving how she thinks her mom wants to by swinging her legs sweetly, and she congratulates herself: “The leg swing is a nice touch. Selling it” (19).

Despite Jennette’s awareness that she performs for her mother, she cannot separate her wants and desires from her mother’s. She often acknowledges that something makes her uncomfortable and unhappy but disregards those feelings as lower on her hierarchy of needs; her mother’s feelings matter more to her than her own. Acting is no exception: “Mom wants this more than anything, not me […] on the other hand, I do want what Mom wants, so she’s kind of right” (27).

Jennette never expresses any actual interest in acting, and she shows little curiosity or excitement about any roles or auditions she has. Her interest is solely about the central figure of her life, her mother: “Oh well, at least every time I’m brought to set, I get to see Mom” (32). Notably, when Jennette and her mother are brought to set and see the catering table, they respond by hoarding the food. These behaviors exemplify their financial position, and also foreshadow Jennette’s future relationship with food.