I Am Still Alive

Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2018

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Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Prologue-Part 1, Chapter 11

Part 1, Chapters 12-21

Part 2

Parts 3-4

Character Analysis

Themes

Symbols & Motifs

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Tools

Beta

Discussion Questions

Themes

The Importance of Perseverance

Content Warning: This section contains descriptions of violence.

Perseverance is the most important aspect of Jess’s character and the trait that allows her to survive the elements against all odds. Jess arrives on the lake with a disability, and one wrong move results in excruciating pain. The pain that she experiences only worsens when she is alone and is forced to do everything herself. Carrying wood, walking from the shore to the shelter, and other basic tasks are extremely difficult and torturous, but Jess pushes through her challenges, knowing that she has only herself to rely on if she is to survive. Jess has suffered the loss of both parents as well, and she pushes past her grief to focus on the task of staying alive.

Jess makes plans and creates goals, and then does what is necessary to work toward and achieve them. She has two ultimate motives: “to survive, and to get rescued” (71). Jess feels like her life is now defined by death and its presence, as she has lost both parents and now faces the possibility of her own death every single day. She is filled with regret over the way she wasted her time with her father, but she turns that regret into a new motivation to take revenge on his behalf.

Jess’s perseverance is tempered with a healthy dose of pragmatism, for she constantly tells herself that she may not survive, but she must at least try. As her narrative states, “I have a week, maybe three, to figure out how to survive. I don’t think I can. But I’m sure as hell going to try” (165). As a result, she builds her shelter in the midst of a massive, stormy downpour and finds a way to move heavy logs using her intellect and resourcefulness. Throughout her ordeal, Jess maintains her determination despite countless setbacks and injuries. Even when her shelter burns down before her eyes, she says to herself, “I can’t think it’s over, not yet. Not while I can still think and I can still move” (195). She knows that the hardest times are yet to come, because winter is fast approaching, but that knowledge only motivates her to try harder to find food and a new shelter. Jess also perseveres in the face of human threats (Raph and the pilot), and survives long enough to be rescued. Looking back on her experience, she feels that the most important truth remains the fact that she survived.

Overcoming Disability Through Ingenuity

In order to survive in the Canadian wilderness on her own, Jess must use her own personal strengths to her advantage despite her physical disability. To do so, she must put aside the fear of making her injury worse. Jess’s two biggest strengths are her intelligence and her determination, and she is also fiercely loyal and brave. When Jess’s father comes to terms with the fact that his daughter is not physically strong, he tells her to rely on the strength that she does have, saying “If you can’t be strong, you have to be smart. And smart is better than strong, out here” (35). This advice becomes the cornerstone of Jess’s daily life as she plans out every aspect of her survival hours, days, or even weeks in advance. For example, she thinks of clever ways to haul heavy items, such as creating a type of sled and attaching it to Bo, and manages to outsmart the animals of the forest as she learns their habits and behaviors. Jess also uses her intelligence to make the most of her tools and supplies, such as when she uses her old book as kindling or creates shoes out of pieces of the tarp.

Jess’s determination and stubbornness seem like a flaw when she is busy pitting her will against that of her father’s, for she refuses to learn what he has to teach her and resists becoming close with him. Once she lets go of that anger, however, her stubbornness takes on an important role in keeping her alive. Jess awakens every day refusing to die, and she constantly pushes herself to take the next step toward her goals. Jess’s bravery allows her to confront terrifying dangers such as the wolf-dog or the men who killed her father. Jess is loyal to her father despite his absence, and she is loyal to his dog, Bo. This loyalty motivates her, provides her comfort, and reminds her that she is not alone. In the end, the reason that Jess survives is because she does not allow her weaknesses to get the best of her; instead, she draws on her ingenuity to find ways to compensate for the areas in which she is lacking.

Grief and Fear as Motivational Tools

Grief and fear are emotions that are typically associated with negativity, but Jess uses her grief and fear as tools of motivation in order to survive. Jess experiences the loss of both parents in a short period of time, and both deaths are sudden and violent. Jess is also permanently injured in the same accident that kills her mother. Scarred by multiple traumas, she brings her grief with her into the wilderness and carries a photograph of her mother that she uses to find solace during her most desperate, lonely moments. When Jess’s father is killed, Jess is numb to the pain and grief at first, which she considers a blessing because it means she can focus on surviving instead. The agony of losing both parents is ultimately something which Jess uses to spur her own determination to survive, because that’s what her parents would have wanted. Along with the grief of losing her parents is the trauma of seeing them killed in such gruesome ways, and Jess’s ability to move forward despite this trauma represents a testament to her strength. She finds that after her father is gone, she is no longer angry at him and loves him again in the innocent, unconditional way she did when she was younger. As her narrative states, “I think I love my father more now that he’s dead than I ever did when he was alive” (201). Jess navigates her grief entirely on her own, having nobody around to console or comfort her.

In addition to processing her grief, Jess also views fear as something that can alert her to danger and help her to survive. She knows that fear can immobilize her, but she also understands that it is a vital survival mechanism, and she explores the balance that she needs to achieve. She muses, “I don’t know how to tell the difference between one kind of fear and the next. The fear that makes you fast. […] The fear that makes you freeze. The fear that paralyzes you, and the fear that keeps you alive” (15). Jess feels an instant fear when the plane first touches down and she realizes she will be living in the middle of nowhere with a man who is basically a stranger. In the first section of the novel, her fear prevents her from getting close to her father, and at other times, Jess still succumbs to fear, particularly when she is in immediate danger from Raph. As she states, “I’ve planned for this, I’ve practiced this, and still fear makes my blood like acid and my breath so cold it feels like I’m being strangled” (267). Although, the emotion never leaves her completely, she does learn to harness her fear to help her survive.