I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter

Julia realizes she looks more like Olga and Amá than she used to think. She goes through her mother’s childhood bedroom and finds an old drawing of Amá. Mama Jacinta tells her Apa drew it, back when he was the town artist. It upsets Julia that she never knew this about her father, and that he stopped doing something he loved. Mama Jacinta tells her: “He probably got too busy with all the responsibilities of being a husband and father [...] You know how hard he works” (251). 

At night, when Julia thinks about Olga’s relationship, she deduces that her secret boyfriend must have been a doctor if he could afford a weekly hotel room. She decides on the steps she needs to take once she returns home to uncover more about Olga’s relationship and to ensure she can go to college in the fall.

Julia’s cousin Belen is the “town hot girl” (252), who takes Julia around town to introduce her to the locals and fill her in on the town gossip. Passing by Apa’s dilapidated childhood home makes Julia feel sad. She thinks about her paternal grandparents she never met, asking herself: “Can I miss people I’ve never met? Because I think I do” (255). Belen points out scenes of past crimes and violence, led by the “narcos,” and warns Julia not to stay out late by herself.

Julia, Mama Jacinta, and Belen go to the venue where the family is celebrating her cousin Paulina’s third birthday. They pass a group of indigenous women selling cactus, and when a young girl approaches Julia begging for money, Belen criticizes them and makes a racist remark. Julia finds this hypocritical of Belen, thinking: “I don’t understand why she thinks she’s so much better than they are. She’s just as dark and wears the same frayed red dress every other day” (257).

The women watch as Tio Chucho and Andres kill a pig for the meal. Julia eats her tacos with difficulty after watching the pig slaughter. After they eat, Andres takes her to ride some horses, and they visit the drying, dirty river and the abandoned train station. Julia reflects on the changes and the beauty of Los Ojos, and she fondly remembers how much she loved to ride horses with Olga when she was younger. When they return to the party, Tio Chucho invites Julia to dance. After a few songs, several men wearing masks and holding guns interrupt the party. Tio Chucho hands one of the men an envelope, and they leave, but no one tells Julia what the interaction was about. 

Belen takes Julia to a soccer game, where a friend named Esteban introduces himself. After the game he walks Julia home, and though she briefly thinks about Connor, Esteban makes Julia “feel all goopy inside” (266). That night in Tia Fermina’s backyard, Julia is mesmerized by the night sky. She enjoys fresh figs from the tree with her relatives, and Tia Estela braids her hair. Julia notices the roses Tia Fermina has been tending to, despite the drought, and “their persistence makes [Julia] feel hopeful” (269).

On a shopping trip with Tia Fermina, Julia wonders what it must have been like for her aunts to grow up with Amá as their sister. Tia Fermina asks Julia about her relationship with Amá, and she insists Julia must try harder to get along with her, now that she is the only child left. Tia Fermina reminds Julia that Amá has had an unimaginably hard life, and as they start talking about Amá’s journey of crossing the border, Julia learns that Amá was also raped when she and Apa were robbed. Olga’s birth was a result of Amá’s assault. Tia Fermina insists that Amá does not mean to hurt Julia, and she was traumatized and only wants to protect Julia.

Julia’s days in Mexico blend into one another, as she establishes a relaxed daily routine. She spends some more time with Esteban, whom she has started to genuinely like. One night, as Julia and the other women are watching TV, they overhear a commotion outside, which leads to gunshots. Julia sees two bodies on the ground as she and her family hide. 

Tia Fermina wants to perform a ritual on Julia so that she does not take that violent experience home with her. After crossing Julia’s body many times using an egg, to trap her soul’s impurities, Tia Fermina cracks the egg into a glass of water to “read it,” and understand “what’s been stewing inside of [Julia]” (277). In the center of the yolk, they see some blood, which really concerns Tia Fermina. 

Julia’s family decides it is no longer safe for her to stay in Los Ojos. The cartel has been trying to recruit Andres, which is why Tio Chucho had to bribe the men at the party. When she says goodbye to Esteban, he shares that he is considering crossing the border. Julia reacts strongly, worried about his safety. She says goodbye to her family and promises Mama Jacinta she will take care of Amá.