How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others in America: Essays

Laymon is preparing himself to read a letter from his Black editor, Brandon Farley. Farley writes that the success of Laymon’s novel will depend on his playing to an audience with a different sensibility. As the book stands, Farley insists, there’s too much talk about racial politics and readers, “especially white readers, are tired of Black writers playing the wrong race card” (102). He encourages Laymon to use the Quentin Tarantino movie Django Unchained as a model. While the film has Black characters, Farley notes, whiteness “[anchors] almost every scene” (102). He concludes by saying that Black men don’t read and, if they did, they wouldn’t read the fiction Laymon is trying to produce. It would make more sense, Farley says, for Laymon to play to Black women. He could write a romance novel or a book about a strong woman “in professional hijinks who [has] no relationships with other sisters,” like the TV show Scandal (102). The only way Laymon’s book, in its current iteration, would make it is if Oprah picked it up, Farley says. Oprah, however, “only deals with real Black writers” (102).

Laymon types a response. He notes that he has revised this book for Farley 14 times in 4 years. He also says that his novel is unapologetically about race. He is confused as to why Farley bought the book if he doesn’t like the vision. Laymon remembers how proud his grandmother was when he signed a two-book deal with KenteKloth Books, the most popular African American publishing house in the country. She had just come out of her second diabetic coma. Six months after his first novel’s scheduled publishing date of June 2009, Laymon no longer heard from Farley. He never responded to Laymon’s calls or emails. Laymon reached out to the publisher, who notified him that Farley had left the company. The publisher assigned an editor named Nathalie Bailey to the book. Several hours later, Laymon reached Farley at home. Farley told him that he and the publisher weren’t seeing eye to eye. He assured Laymon that Bailey would be a great editor for Laymon’s books.

A week later, Bailey called Laymon. She noted that Black literary fiction was a hard sell, but she liked Laymon’s vision. She wanted to publish the book. Laymon felt comfortable with Bailey, but he still wanted time to think over the offer. Several days later, Farley called. Farley had been made senior editor of young adult fiction at Duck Duck Goose Publishing Company—a widely acclaimed imprint. He called Laymon “bro.” He then offered to pay Laymon more for one book than he was offered for two at KenteKloth, though he wanted the “option of first refusal on the second” (107). Farley told him that young adult fiction presented more possibilities than Black literary fiction. He then told Laymon that he would have to get out of his contract at KenteKloth. He offered to put Laymon in contact with an agent—a “wonderful fine sister” named Bobbie Winslow (107).

That night, Winslow called Laymon and asked him to send her the pieces on which he was working. Early the next morning, she emailed Laymon saying that she wanted to represent him and that he had the ability to “change the trajectory of African-American contemporary literature” (107). He was, she said, what Farley would call “a real Black writer” (107). She promised that their lawyers would get him out of the deal with KenteKloth. Several days later, Winslow notified him that Bailey was furious, but it was all just business.

Six months later, Farley offered less money than he had promised and a publication date a year later than the one he had initially agreed to. Winslow wondered if this was just Farley’s way of getting back at KenteKloth by trying to take away all their writers. She told Laymon that Farley was fired.

Farley finally sent his first edit letter in July. He said that Laymon’s work was too dark and “needed an obvious redemptive ending” (109). He also harped about “too much racial politics” (109). Farley also wanted to cut the page count and push the publication date back once again.

Meanwhile, Laymon’s failures in publishing were turning him into a monster. Someone he loved told him this. He defended himself while trying to make her “feel as absolutely worthless, confused, and malignant as [he] felt” (110). Two years after the initially scheduled publication date, there was still no book. Laymon kept wondering why Farley bought the book and even arranged for him to get out of another contract. Laymon wrote to Farley and insisted that he could create an audience for the work that he was writing. He didn’t want to mimic the other books that Duck Duck Goose was producing. Farley responded, suggesting that Laymon take his folksy writing back to Mississippi and then told Laymon that he wasn’t a good writer.

The next morning, Laymon got an email from Farley that wasn’t addressed to him. The email to a colleague praised a new African writer. For several weeks, Laymon stayed in his bedroom writing essays to his Uncle Jimmy, his grandmother, and the children he never had. He then went to a doctor who diagnosed him with a malignant growth in his hip. Laymon decided to finish revising the novel without Farley. He used Paul Beatty, Margaret Walker Alexander, Cassandra Wilson, Big K.R.I.T., Octavia Butler, Gangsta Boo, his younger cousins, and all of his teachers as inspirations. He then sent the book to Farley in July. Laymon touted the book’s Afrofuturist themes and identified it as a Black Southern love story. He noted that he was proud of the book. It was the sort of thing he needed to read as a teenager in Mississippi. Four months later, Farley responded to his email, complaining about the same problems as in other drafts. He also claimed that no one would believe in “Black kids from Mississippi traveling through time talking about institutional racism” (115).

Despite his frustration, Laymon decides not to allow his anger toward Farley consume him. He tells Farley that he’s had enough of the New York publishing world. He isn’t sure if Farley will like the work that he’s doing, but it’s honest work. He also tells Farley that he isn’t a “bro” and that Farley isn’t one either. Laymon thanks Farley for everything, then goes back to writing.