House Arrest

The beeping of the Levi’s ventilator becomes soothing to Timothy, a reminder that Levi is still alive. Timothy overhears James, José’s mother, and Annie discussing Timothy’s situation. José’s mother wants Timothy to sleep and eat at her house while Levi is in the hospital. Timothy both does and does not want to. He worries how his mother will fare without him.

In José’s family van, Timothy enjoys the “talking, laughing, shoving,” and ribbing among José and his sisters (77). He asks himself whether it is okay to laugh while Levi is so sick and his mother so worried.

At school, Timothy’s teachers tell students to “[b]e creative” when they encounter a challenge (77). Timothy wagers Levi could get better if his doctors were “more creative” (77). Annie says they are doing their best, but Timothy decides to apply his teachers’ maxim to his brother. He copies down the words from Levi’s chart—“Subglottic stenosis, Bronchiectasis, Failure to Thrive” (78). He thinks the last one looks more “like a judgment” than a sickness (78). He believes something can be done to improve Levi’s quality of life.

He writes in his journal that he needs a computer with internet and asks Mrs. Bainbridge if he can use her computer.

James comes to the hospital to tell Annie that José’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Jimenez, have been approved to care for Timothy while Levi is in the hospital. Timothy notices Annie has eyes only for Levi. James tells her she can focus on Levi: “We have Timothy under control./Like I am a disease” (79).

Timothy realizes James hates hospitals. Timothy suggests having all of their appointments at the hospital so James will be so fearful that he will forget to yell at Timothy. Mrs. Bainbridge makes a deal with Timothy: He can use her computer and printer as long as he talks about his feelings first. Timothy feels like he has made a “deal with the devil” (80).

Mrs. Jimenez frets that Timothy is too skinny. She gives him José’s outgrown clothes. Gathering them, Timothy likens them to “the ghosts of winters past” and feels warmer “already” (81). When Timothy visits Annie and Levi at the hospital, a nurse gives him a bag containing toothbrushes, candy, bananas, socks, magazines, and a Baby Signing Adventure book. Timothy asks who it is from, but the nurse just smiles.

Levi is getting better and may be able to return home in a week. Timothy thinks about what will change for Levi (no more IVs and doctors) and for himself (no more home-cooked meals and the company of José and his sisters). Timothy does not know how to feel about that. José’s house is full of activity as the kids do homework and Mrs. Jimenez prepares dinner. When Mr. Jimenez arrives home, the family mobs him for hugs and conversation. Alone at the table, Timothy suddenly feels “itchy to not be here” and wonders “why everything just got so weird” (84).

Timothy tells James that everything “will be back to normal soon,” meaning Timothy will be back “in the house arrest box” (85). He compares his time with the Jimenezes to being a hamster in a tunnel: “All tunnels lead right back to the cage” (85).

Levi, “the cutest booger I’ve ever seen,” is back at home (86). Timothy says he can tell Levi is happy to be home. Mrs. Jimenez has filled Annie and Timothy’s freezer with home-cooked meals for every night of the week. Timothy gave her a key to sneak into the house while the family was away. At first, Annie is upset. She insists that they cannot accept the food as she “eats a cold tamale” (86). Timothy agrees as he takes one too. Annie and Timothy end up laughing together. It is the first time he has heard his mother laugh “in a long time” (87). They eat the food straight out of the containers.

Mrs. Bainbridge wants Timothy to apply for the Carnival of Giving, a charitable event held by his middle school, but he knows his mother would never allow it. Timothy describes school as “a giant mountain” that sits “right in the middle of the road/slowing down the rest of my life” (88). He neither likes nor dislikes it but must get through it, “trying to maybe find something useful along the way” (88).

Timothy notes that Mrs. Bainbridge asks him “what” he is feeling, rather than “how” (89). He writes of the physical things he feels—“José’s shirt on my back,” “my toes pressed against the tips of my shoes,” “the broken pencil in my pocket” (89). He writes that he feels “nothing” (89). This does not earn him computer time, which makes him “Sad/Mad/Tired/Grouchy/Frustrated” (90). Writing these feelings gets him computer time.

Mrs. Bainbridge helps him do an internet search on Levi’s condition, and 35,600 results pop up. At first Timothy feels “a lot less trapped,” but then he becomes overwhelmed by the volume of irrelevant links and wonders, “Now what?” (91).

Timothy’s mystery benefactor leaves another bag of supplies, including an action movie DVD, popcorn kernels, and butter. This time, Timothy catches a glimpse of a red car turning down the street. He recalls that James’s car is red. While the night nurse takes care of Levi, Annie and Timothy watch the movie and eat popcorn. Timothy worries about Levi, but his mother assures him Levi is fine, saying, “Let’s have some you-and-me time, OK?” (93).

Timothy asks James if he has been leaving the bags of groceries and supplies. Timothy notes the effort it would take, including returning repeatedly to the hospital, which Timothy knows James fears. Timothy says that is “a nice person thing” to do, rather than a “Probation Officer University thing” (93).

Timothy overhears his mother telling herself, “We’ll find the money,” as she sits hunched over a pile of bills (94). He knows she would never agree to the Carnival of Giving, but he can’t stop thinking about it. Timothy asks Mrs. Bainbridge not to mention social services, saying, “We’re doing our best” and “We’re fine” (95).

Surveying the content of the latest bag, Timothy knows James is the one leaving them because he included things that are “prickly and soft/sweet and sour/all at the same time” (95).

Timothy sees Isa at school, and her smile makes his “head go all sunny” (96). She asks him about his journal until José shows up. Later, when José brings food to Timothy’s house, Timothy asks him how the car repairs are going, if José and his father are bonding, and whether his father is teaching him the “meaning of life” (97). José says his father mostly yells at him. Timothy concludes that “José is acting weird” (97).

On Levi’s first birthday, he almost chokes to death. At first, Timothy and his mother do not notice because they are laughing over being unable to stand a birthday candle in Levi’s yogurt. Timothy holds Levi down while his mother swaps his tracheotomy tubes, suctions him, and gives him puffs of oxygen. He signs “more more more” (99).

Timothy tells Mrs. Bainbridge that he and Annie need more help. He can tell she is surprised, though she tries to hide it. She asks what kind of help, and he responds twenty-four-hour nursing care. She puts her hand on his, and he does not pull away.

Isa brings food from Mrs. Jimenez. Timothy notices the “[l]ittle yellow stars” that decorate her fingernails, a “whole unknown universe/on each small finger” (101). He writes that he might ask his father advice about girls, then amends that he does not need it, concluding, “[n]ever mind” (102).

At school, he catches himself humming the Baby Signing Adventure theme song and liking it.

James gives Timothy a new pair of sneakers. In his journal entry, Timothy teases James for calling them “kicks” and thanks him (104).

Mrs. Bainbridge asks Timothy what he thinks about when he thinks about his father. He looks at her cell phone, which she ignores during their sessions, and notes that his father never ignored his phone. He called it “the heart of the family” because it carried vital information, adding, “Everything circulates through this phone” (104). One day when he went to fetch Levi’s medicine, he left the phone behind. Timothy “should have known it was a clue” because if he could leave the “heart of the family” behind, he could leave his wife and sons behind as well (105). He ends this entry asking, “Can I use the computer now?” (105).

Annie puts up a photo of Timothy and his father playing football “so long ago” (105). When she returns from work, Timothy’s father has devil horns, an “evildoer mustache,” and vampire teeth (106). “Fair enough,” she says, and she and Timothy smile as they eat their dinner (106).

Timothy wants to throw the Carnival of Giving flyer away. He wishes the recipients could remain anonymous, but they always have to give acceptance speeches. Annie tells Timothy that they will be receiving more nursing hours, but since Marisol cannot work full time, it will be someone new. Timothy wishes he could “go back in time and never open/my big mouth” (108).

Timothy describes a dream in which he robs a bank and gets away with it because no one can catch him in his fast, new sneakers.

While Annie takes Levi to his doctors’ appointments, Mrs. Jimenez comes over to babysit Timothy. When she hugs him, he feels calm and protected, as he does when Mrs. Bainbridge uses her heavy pillows. He does not pull away.

Marisol weeps saying goodbye to Levi and encourages Timothy to keep teaching Levi sign language. Timothy blames himself for having opened his mouth. He wonders how it is possible to “have so many feelings/that they all swirl together” until he feels nothing. He apologizes for not making sense, then addresses the next entry to Mrs. Bainbridge, asking if he can still use her computer (112).  

The new nurse, Mary, has gray hair and a pinched face, and wears clown-covered scrubs. She speaks to Levi as if he is “[a]n especially stupid dog” (113). Timothy hates her and asks, “What have I done?” (113).

Timothy says he hates Mary. James tells him “hate is a strong word,” but Timothy disagrees (114). Mrs. Bainbridge makes Timothy write a letter to James admitting that James was right. Timothy explains that, according to Mrs. Bainbridge, feeling words should be meaningful and productive, which hate is not. Hate smothers “more complex emotions” (115). Timothy apologizes to James, writing in all capital letters that James knows everything.

Mary replaces Marisol’s tracheotomy chains with cloth ties because the chains are “against regulation” (116). Timothy yells at her until his mother takes him away. He hears Annie tell Mary that “he loves his brother very much” (117). Timothy is distressed that Levi will go back to being uncomfortable and wants to punch a wall but instead goes to José’s house, “the only place I can go,” to catch his breath (117).

At José’s, Isa helps him search the internet for doctors, and they find one. Dr. Samuel Sawyer specializes in airways and is accepting new patients. He is the only doctor who performs the surgery Levi needs, but he is located in Cincinnati. Isa pats Timothy’s shoulder, and he notices a freckle on her elbow that he finds both pretty and gross because it has a “really long hair” in the middle (119). When he returns home, his mother scolds him for not telling her where he went. He cannot go back to juvie, she tells him, then begins to cry.

Timothy does not want to tell his mother about Dr. Sawyer until “everything is perfect” (121). He wants to atone for his past mistakes by making sure this works. Mrs. Bainbridge worries that his hopes are too high, but Timothy disagrees. He “will make this happen./No matter what” (121). James reminds him that this attitude got him into trouble in the first place. Timothy tells them about the children who had Levi’s problems but grew up to live normal lives because of the surgery Dr. Sawyer invented.

He compares himself to explorers of the past. He will be “Levi’s Sacagawea” (122). James asks Timothy if he wants a headdress. “Har har,” Timothy writes, then points out he was using a metaphor.

Timothy contemplates the Carnival of Giving flyer, saying they “have to get Levi to Cincinnati” (124). At Mrs. Bainbridge’s request, Timothy writes about a place he feels safe. Timothy thinks of Texas Memorial Stadium and watching football with his father, but his father’s leaving ruined Timothy’s “happy place” (125). Timothy writes a letter to Dr. Sawyer and sends it from Mrs. Bainbridge’s computer.

Mary tells Timothy that he and his mother “really have your hands full/with this one” (126). Timothy helps her with Levi, but he is angry that she calls Levi “this one” and tells her she should call him by his name (127). When he gets especially upset, Annie sends him to José’s house to “cool off” (127). Timothy sees the car José and his father have been working on and is amazed at their progress. 

Unaware of Timothy’s internet searches, Annie is surprised at how eager he is to arrive at Mrs. Bainbridge’s office. He is breathless with anticipation but becomes breathless with despair when Mrs. Bainbridge informs him that Dr. Sawyer has not emailed back yet. She tells Timothy to be patient, but he finds it difficult to wait when Levi’s needs are so urgent.

Timothy goes to José’s house, hoping to see Isa, and shows his disappointment when José answers the door. José becomes angry and screams for his sister.

Timothy fears Mary is “up to something” when she remarks about the complexity of Levi’s medical needs (133). She believes Levi should be placed in a facility because “he needs more care than we can give him” (134). Timothy is terrified and furious. Levi is the “only thing” he “can care about” (134).