48 pages • 1 hour read
Andrew Joseph WhiteHell Followed With Us
Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2022A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
Staying True to One’s Identity
Content Warning: This section discusses anti-trans bias, gender dysphoria, religious trauma, escape from a cult, and death.
Identity lies at the foundation of Hell Followed With Us, as it is ultimately a story about a boy who refuses to be anything other than who he knows he is. Benji runs away from New Nazareth for a multitude of reasons, all of which have to do with a lack of acceptance. With the added layer of Seraph along with Benji’s dysphoria, he battles two internal demons and ends up strong and self-assured when the story concludes. White makes a case for the importance of staying true to one’s identity, suggesting that to be anything but one’s true self is a rejection of happiness and inner peace.
Benji’s identity as a boy is rejected by everyone but his father and, for a time, Theo. The cult attempted to force Benji to be a woman and also ignore or stifle many parts of his true identity, instead favoring his identity as Seraph and savior of their group. During his time in the cult, Benji never corrected people who misgendered him, and he was often referred to by his dead name. Benji’s trans identity is largely rejected by the Angels, and he doesn’t understand what it means to be fully accepted for who he is until he meets the teenagers of the ALC. When Benji leaves the cult, he leaves confused, uncertain, and terrified of what he is becoming as Seraph—despite his lack of clarity, he understands that he cannot be himself in most facets of his life, which is enough to drive him away entirely.
Benji finds acceptance at the ALC, but it is not necessarily immediate nor complete. It is not Benji’s transness that the other teenagers do not accept, as each of them are members of the LGBTQ+ community. It is instead Benji’s transformation into Seraph that terrifies them and causes uncertainty. This is especially true for Nick, who pretends to have no fear of Benji and treats him as a friend while secretly telling himself that Benji is an “it,” something other than human. The direct contradiction between how Nick acts in the early days and how he thinks speaks to the way that many people act friendly toward people of the LGBTQ+ community while simultaneously having disparaging or hateful thoughts toward them. Benji learns to assert his identity fully and completely while living with the ALC, including to Nick: “Listen to me. My name is Benjamin Woodside. I’m gay and trans as hell, I am a boy, my pronouns are he/him, and I am a goddamn person” (203). Benji compares the experience of confronting dysphoria to the experience of confronting Seraph and regularly questions his own thoughts and beliefs: “What’s going on in my head? What do I believe? How much of it is me, and how much of it was put there?” (56). It is not until Benji fully severs his emotional and physical ties with the Angels that he is able to put aside any doubt in who he is.
What Makes a Monster
Hell Followed With Us consistently challenges common notions of what it means to be monstrous, evil, or worthy of rejection. Benji is a human being turning into a sort of monster known as Seraph, and this journey of transformation challenges Benji’s own self-concept as well as his own ideas of what a monster really is. At the same time, Benji is rejected for his trans identity, and the Angels refuse to acknowledge Benji’s true self. Benji therefore struggles with perceiving himself as worthy and even as human. White explores the ways that hate and judgment play into the true meaning of a monster and suggests that someone’s mind and actions are what truly defines them.
Benji leaves New Nazareth with his father’s warnings running through his mind, telling himself that he needs to “be good” and tame Seraph. At the same time, however, another part of him is saying that he should embrace Seraph and use it to take revenge on those who are the true evil ones: “But I found more good in helping Nick—in whispering to the Grace—than I ever could if I kept Seraph hidden” (44). Benji decides that he will use Seraph for good, or at least the version of good that he has created in his mind. The “monster” that lurks within him cannot be outrun or stopped, and his only choice is to take advantage of what he is becoming. At the same time, he must learn to control his impulses and connect Benji with Seraph so that he does not act with rage and violence toward people he cares about.
Benji feeling less than human originated in the cult, particularly with his own mother. Benji’s mother refuses to accept his trans identity and further refuses to accept that Benji is anything other than Seraph, a savior for their community. She is also responsible for Benji’s father’s death and constantly seeks control of Benji, even gripping his neck in the final scenes. While the cult believes that they are doing good or God’s will by culling the Earth, Benji knows that these actions are evil and wrong. He wants to bring the same suffering down upon the Angels that they brought upon the world. After asking himself, “What kind of monster do I want to be?” (207), Benji determines to side with the Watch and invest in the life he has now. When Benji returns to New Nazareth, he sees his mother for what she really is, calling her a monster and not even pitying let alone grieving her death. Benji inverts the concept of “monster,” as Benji is the one who is being ostracized and physically transforming into something grotesque and powerful. The cult’s actions against the world brought on mass death and a desolate dystopia, and Benji sees himself as a product of that: “Hell has followed us onto Earth, and I am the monster that has brought it forth” (347).
In the story’s climax, Benji takes one final stand against the Angels with his new family as support. He proclaims, “I am done with those who enact suffering, and I am done with the sons of bitches who stand back and let it happen” (363). After surviving what many people do not, Benji recognizes the deep injustices of people who believe they can force their ideological standards onto others, either through violent or non-violent means. Benji then uses the monster that is Seraph to destroy the real monster, which is the cult that created it.
How One’s View of Death Affects One’s Life
Death, loss, and the grieving process are all part of life, and in Hell Followed With Us, they take a front seat in a dystopian world. Benji leaves New Nazareth after witnessing the death of his father. He was always told that grief is a sin and that “[l]oss is God’s plan. How dare you grieve what was always His to take?” (73). Further, the cult sees life on Earth as a temporary period before the afterlife, meaning that living for oneself and seeking personal happiness is seen as a rejection of faith—life is fleeting, and they believe that one should focus on God while waiting for the next stage of existence. Death is therefore a difficult, confusing topic for Benji as he leaves the cult and finds the ALC. Ultimately, Benji discovers that one’s view of death influences the extent to which they embrace life, and he determines how he wants to think about life and death moving forward.
Grieving is one of the first concepts explored in the novel, as Benji has just lost his father when the novel opens. Because of the cult’s beliefs, Benji has learned to suppress all feelings of grief and sadness. He carries his father’s memory and the advice his father gave him, but he does not stop to grieve his loss. Benji sees a totally different perspective when he meets the people at the ALC because not only do they hold a funeral for people they lose, but they also openly express their grief through tears and words. This way of grieving involves placing value on one’s life on Earth—something that Benji was not allowed to do before. Embracing grief also means embracing the meaning of life, and Benji begins to unpack his own feelings and trauma as a result of being around such an open, accepting community.
Benji’s view of life and death changes from the time he leaves New Nazareth to the time he helps defeat it. He leaves with a confused sense of God and religion, not really knowing what he believes, whether he should pray, or why he continues to follow religious rules In his mind. Benji “lost” the person he first loved, Theo, to the Angel movement because Theo began to care more about joining the death squad and fulfilling God’s plan than his love for Benji. At the same time, Benji considers himself the embodiment of God’s wrath (“Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord” [256]) until he later comes to the conclusion that he does not believe In God or Heaven: “No matter how much I tell myself that there’s a Heaven, I just can’t believe It” (385). By deciding that life on Earth is his only life, Benji makes a silent promise to live this life fully and to appreciate it for what it is. This is the complete opposite of the people of New Nazareth, who only see this life as a pathway to something after and demonstrate a total disregard for all humans who disagree with their agenda.
Finding Home and Finding Family
Benji’s story begins as he escapes the cult that posed as his family and used him to fulfill their own religious goals. After coming out as trans, almost everyone in the cult rejected Benji’s claim to his true identity, and when Benji attempted to confess his fears of Seraph to Theo, he was viciously attacked. Benji did not have what he deserved, which was acceptance, love, and understanding. The sense of belonging and community that Benji longs for is one he must search for on the outside. He braves the dystopian world on his own in search of something better, demonstrating a powerful longing for home and family.
When Benji is found by Nick and taken to the ALC, the people there are unsure of him at first, but Benji immediately feels better and more at home than he ever did in New Nazareth. He had never met another trans person before and admires the way that people like Salvador and Erin owned their identities proudly. Benji is most interested in Nick and develops feelings for him almost instantly, but Nick takes longer than the others to accept Benji because he is not confident that Benji can be trusted. Benji’s warmth and openness eventually crack through Nick’s hard exterior, bonding them as friends.
When Benji helps fight the Angels with the ALC, a strong sense of loyalty forms in his mind, and he determines to do whatever is necessary to become fully accepted in the group. He confesses to all transgressions and works to protect the members of the Watch. At the same time, Benji finds the confidence to assert his trans identity. When the fire hits the ALC, Benji feels enraged and fiercely protective, like the Angels have attacked something close to his heart. He lets go of his love for Theo, seeing the truth about Theo’s character, and places all his loyalty in the Watch. His and Nick’s bond develops more once Nick reflects and accepts who Benji is, and Benji feels like he has found a real family for the first time. The solidarity and sense of togetherness that exists among the members of the Watch is something that Benji always longed for and something that he eventually receives: “This is home. I am alive, these are my friends, this is my family” (398).
