Heartbeat

When Annie learns about expanding her vocabulary to describe situations and feelings more accurately, she begins utilizing a thesaurus in her narration. As she describes her new interest in descriptive language, she immediately thinks of her frustration with the swim coach: “Now when I run into the girls’ track coach / I can say that she makes me / aggravated / annoyed / antagonized / bitter / displeased / enraged…” (131). Like footnotes, a verse of expressive vocabulary in list form becomes a device that provides emphasis and demonstrates Annie’s desire to articulate her own feelings.

When Annie’s grandfather has a lapse in his memory, he doesn’t recognize the photo of himself as a young track runner and becomes frightened of it. In this moment, his vulnerability becomes clear to Annie, as she must comfort him, and their roles as adult and child are reversed: “I do not like to see my grandpa like this. / Always he was so busy / so wise / so comforting” (134). She struggles with how to support him, paralleling her concern about being a good sister. The connection between her grandfather and her unborn sibling is also illustrated when he falls asleep: “[I] feel as if I should hold him / but I don’t know how to do it” (143). The photo itself, a picture of Annie’s grandfather running competitively at her age, is meaningful. As Annie questions her decision not to run track, her grandfather is frightened by a picture of himself before he gave up the sport. Just as he has in the past, he has forgotten an important piece of himself, prompting Annie to question memory in relation to identity.

At Max’s race, Annie watches closely, but in her own way; instead of noting who is ahead or any other aspects of the competition, she only watches what matters to her: Max. She watches him “overtake one runner / and another / and another” (147), and the repeated phrase takes the reader along with Max as he passes each runner. The race itself is irrelevant to Annie, but she knows it is relevant to Max, and her observations are centered around that reality: “I see the winner / cross the finish line / and it is not Max” (148).