Frankly in Love

“Included among these totems of success are the children themselves, especially us older kids. We were all born pretty much at the same time. We’re all in the same year in school. We are talked and talked about, like minor celebrities.”

This quote highlights the pressure and expectations placed on the older children in Frank’s Korean American community. The phrase “totems of success” suggests that the community sees the children as symbols of achievement and prosperity. Being constantly talked about positions them as minor celebrities, indicating the high level of attention and scrutiny they face.

“We are Aps, or Apeys for short. We do not go to keggers or ragers. Instead of parties, we find empty parking structures and hold midnight table reads of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead.”

This quote challenges the typical party scene associated with teenagers. Rather than attending parties, the Apeys engage in intellectually stimulating activities. Their preference for these activities reveals their inclination toward intellectual pursuits. The quote highlights the theme of identity and the ways in which Frank and his friends carve out their own path, distinct from mainstream teenage culture.

“Jeong is nowhere near as satisfying as all the hugs and kisses and I love yous other kids get from their parents, but hey, it’s what I got. So I’ll take what I can get.”

Frank reflects on jeong, a Korean value of shared emotional depth and loyalty without conversation. He acknowledges that while jeong may not provide the same level of satisfaction as physical displays of affection, he has come to accept it. He recognizes jeong as an expression of love within his Korean American family, even if it differs from what he sees as the norm.

“They are the keepers of all the news and gossip and drama that passes over the tree-ringed counter, and that makes them the only oral historians for a tiny world that might otherwise go unremembered.”

Frank begins to view his parents’ loyalty to The Store with newfound respect. The use of “oral historians” highlights the importance of his parents’ role in preserving the collective memory and narratives of a small, often overlooked world. This quote underscores the idea that even jobs which may be considered mundane can carry deep value in a community.

“Because laughter isn’t just about the funny. Laughter is the music of the deep cosmos connecting all human beings that says all the things mere words cannot.”

The statement that “laughter isn’t just about the funny” suggests that laughter serves a deeper purpose. Laughter is described as “the music of the deep cosmos,” implying that it has a universal quality that transcends cultural and linguistic barriers. This quote emphasizes the unifying nature of laughter, highlighting its ability to bridge gaps and foster a sense of shared experience and understanding. Laughter can convey emotions and connections that cannot be fully expressed through verbal communication alone. For Frank, the ability to laugh with someone is a value that he seeks out in his relationships.

“If anyone’s going to understand why we’re doing something this crazy, it’ll be other Limbos.”

Although Frank creates a life of deception and secrecy (through fake dating Joy), he believes the other Limbos will comprehend and empathize with his choices because of their shared Korean American background. This implies that individuals who share a common culture or struggle can provide the most genuine understanding and support. This idea highlights the importance of finding a community that can relate to and validate one’s experiences.

“I know I can’t both date Brit and prevent her from meeting my parents. Meeting family is not only inevitable, it’s normal: normal people date, things get serious, and then they start meeting the people most important to them.”

Frank grapples with the conflict between his romantic relationship and the cultural expectations placed upon him by his Korean American parents. He acknowledges that dating someone and introducing them to one’s family is a normal progression in a relationship. It’s a significant step that signifies commitment. However, Frank recognizes the cultural differences between his white girlfriend, Brit, and his parents.

“The K in KBBQ stands for Korean. As does the K in K-pop, K-fashion, or K-dramas. There’s of course no such thing as ABBQ, A-pop, A-fashion, or A-dramas.”

By pointing out the use of the letter “K” to represent “Korean” in cultural phenomena, Frank emphasizes the distinct nature of Korean culture. The absence of this practice (using a distinguishing letter) for other cultures others Korean individuals. It raises questions about the representation and recognition of diverse cultures within broader media.

“Brit does not have this gap. It is easier for her to love—simpler, less complicated. My love is slightly misshapen. My love is nonstandard. It requires workarounds.”

Frank reflects on the difference between his and Brit’s experience of love. For Brit, love comes easily. In contrast, Frank’s initial experience of love is complicated, due to his parents’ restrictions and his own self-doubts; this discrepancy makes the relationship dynamic, but also foreshadows its end.

“It’s hard for me to pin down exactly what the precious words signify. They are a pact, a declaration. Also a kind of relinquishing. Saying I love you is the cry of the helpless.”

Frank reflects on the complexity of the phrase “I love you.” He finds love difficult to define, but knows it holds emotional power, representing a deep connection and commitment between individuals. Love also signifies a sense of helplessness, as expressing it requires opening oneself up to the possibility of being hurt or rejected.

“The meaning of the words I love you could not be clearer in my mind. Much clearer than earlier tonight with Brit, and shaped differently. I say the words because I know—we both know—that one Mom-n-Dad will be no more, and neither will House Li as the world knows it.”

When Frank tells his older sister Hanna that he loves her, he feels the veracity of the words more than he does in his romantic relationship with Brit. The quote highlights the bittersweet nature of the siblings’ platonic love, as it is intertwined with the impending loss of their aging parents. Frank’s expression of love is largely influenced by his understanding of the impermanence and transformation that awaits his family.

“Mom-n-Dad will never really see the actual me if I keep my thoughts hidden away like this. But I’m scared to call them out, if I’m being totally honest. Because a child has to belong somewhere. What if you call out your parents and all they do is slam a door in your face in response?”

Frank acknowledges that by keeping his thoughts hidden, he prevents his parents from truly seeing him. However, he fears calling out his parents because he fears their rejection. The quote reflects Frank’s internal struggle, torn between his desire for authenticity and fear of abandonment (as his sister Hanna was rejected by their parents). It highlights the complexity of parent-child relationships, in which the need for acceptance and belonging often clashes with the need for self-expression and individuality.

“They’ve willed the big moon of the spotlight to shine right on us, and now we stand in its crystalline light.”

In this quote, Frank reflects on his first kiss with Joy. The use of the phrase “they’ve willed” suggests that external forces or observers have brought attention to him and Joy (via fireworks at a wedding). This illustrates the public, scrutinized, nature of their relationship, even when it was being faked. Despite this scrutiny, the phrase “crystalline light” adds clarity and purity to the kiss, emphasizing its impact on Frank. After months of deception and lies, he is finally able to act authentically in front of others.

“I love Joy because she is smart. Because she is ambitious, and a huge nerd endlessly fascinated by the world around her. I love Joy because we go way back to when we were kids, and that counts for more than I realize.”

Frank is drawn to Joy because of her intelligence, ambition, and curiosity. He also mentions their being childhood friends, suggesting that this history holds value for him. This highlights the importance of familiarity and shared memories, indicating that Frank and Joy’s past experiences have contributed to their current affection.

“There is something happening here inside me. I look at Joy and can tell she can feel it too. The lights, the music, this great celebration of a culture that we supposedly belong to. Everyone here, looking like we do.”

Frank undergoes a transformation while attending a Korean festival. The atmosphere evokes strong emotions within both him and Joy. This shared experience signifies a deeper connection and exploration of their cultural identity. The quote emphasizes the power of cultural celebration in fostering self-discovery, as Frank recognizes himself in the faces around him.

“…I regard Mom-n-Dad with fresh eyes as if they were characters in a story. I see them as twangy bumpkins in some rural high school. As a young couple in a new country. As husband-n-wife.”

In this quote, Frank experiences a shift in perspective regarding his parents. He no longer sees them solely as his parents, but individuals with their own stories. This shift allows him to recognize the experiences that have shaped his parents’ lives, highlighting the importance of gaining a deeper understanding of others despite their flaws.

“I press into the pillow to muffle the sound of my cries, and wonder at the cold mystery of it all: cold as a statue ruin in the moonlight whose meaning has long been lost. Dad—this man whose house I live in—contains clues about myself.”

Upon learning of his father’s cancer diagnosis, Frank experiences a moment of vulnerability and introspection. The phrase “a statue ruin in the moonlight” emphasizes Frank’s disconnect from the past and his own identity. The framing of Frank’s father as a source of clues illustrates Frank’s desire to understand himself better by understanding his family before they are lost to him.

“Brit Means got into the University of California at Davis, as planned. I’m happy for her. I’ll never visit her, never see her dorm room, never see her favorite spot on campus to sit and daydream. It’s strange that I once wanted these things so bad.”

Frank reflects on ex-girlfriend Brit’s acceptance into college. Despite expressing happiness for her, he acknowledges the emotional distance that now exists between them. This distance, which will soon become physical, conveys a sense of loss and a shift in priorities—as per maturation. The quote captures the bittersweet nature of growing apart and evolving relationships, as individuals make mistakes and pursue their own paths.

“Life got complicated, and Joy spooked. She gave up on our love. It makes me realize: love is a belief mutually held. As soon as that belief fades on either end, then poof, the whole thing falls face-flat like a tug-of-war suddenly gone one-sided.”

Frank reflects on the complexities of life and the impact they had on his relationship with Joy. He notes that Joy gave up on their love, and as such, their relationship couldn’t be sustained. The metaphor of a tug-of-war emphasizes how love requires the active participation of both parties.

“Say me and Joy had been born in Korea. We’d be Korean. We’d belong to a tribe. But that doesn’t necessarily mean we’d belong with each other. Because there are tribes within tribes, all separated by gaps everywhere.”

Frank imagines a scenario in which he and Joy were born in Korea, emphasizing that their nationality alone wouldn’t automatically make them compatible. His reference to tribes highlights the existence of various social groups and divisions within a given cultural context. The mention of gaps symbolizes the barriers and differences that can exist even within a common context. The quote suggests that belonging is not solely determined by external factors such as nationality, but personal connections and shared values that transcend superficial labels.

“I feel taller, as if things healed in such a way to grant me extra height. I leave the house to go for runs without telling anyone, come back whenever, fix my own meals. I’ve been researching the local music scene in and around Palo Alto. I’m starting to see myself there.”

After his breakup with Joy, Frank experiences a sense of independence. His feeling taller represents his newfound confidence and self-assurance. He asserts his independence by engaging in activities without permission or notification, but responsibly. By taking control of his own schedule and nourishment, Frank exhibits a growing autonomy which reflects the theme of self-actualization. His research of the local music scene reflects his exploration of personal interests and desire to immerse himself in a community that aligns with his interests, despite a degree in music not being what his parents wished for him.

“Joy’s messages start out strong but begin to dwindle as she explores her new world. And that, I decide, is perfectly okay.”

As Joy starts college, her texts dwindle, suggesting a shift in priorities. Frank’s response to this change speaks to his maturity. He recognizes that Joy’s exploration is just as important as his own growth, and he finds contentment in the evolving nature of their connection.

“It is a face, I realize, whose beauty shows itself only when it’s ready—a face that has the grace and strength is takes to reveal the true self just beneath. It is a face someone will no doubt fall in love with one day.”

When Q kisses Frank, revealing his crush on him, Frank sees his best friend in a new light. He recognizes the courage and strength it took for Q to share his most authentic self, a major theme in the novel.