Forget Me Not

Terry explores Hurt in Child-Parent Relationships through Calli’s relationship with her mom and Beatriz’s lost relationship with her absent mom. These difficult relationships impact Calli’s and Beatriz’s ability to form relationships with other people.

Calli’s mom’s first action in the story happens before Page 1: She packed Calli’s things while Calli was sleeping, preparing to move their family without warning. Calli describes the move and her mom’s emotional breakdown over her break-up in the poem “The Usual,” showing how Calli has grown used to her life being dictated by her mother’s relationship status. Calli’s mom doesn’t ask Calli about her feelings or how the move has affected her. Terry symbolizes Calli’s mom’s lack of consideration for Calli’s feelings through how Calli’s mom treats Calli’s hair. Calli, who struggles with self-acceptance, loves her hair. However, Calli’s mom doesn’t like how Calli tugs at her hair, refusing to treat it as a tic and rather treating it as a bad habit. Ultimately, Calli’s mom cuts Calli’s hair before her first day at her new school, demonstrating how little she understands Calli’s feelings and how little care she gives to Calli. When Calli arrives at the flower shop after her first day, her mom’s first words to her are to ask her to move because “[she] really need[s] the space” for her work (54). Throughout the novel, Calli’s mom prioritizes her needs (space, time, relationships) over Calli’s needs (friendship, stability, encouragement). Calli therefore struggles to know how to have her needs met from other sources throughout the novel.

Terry first introduces Beatriz as Calli’s bully at school, then as Jinsong’s former friend, and finally as a girl who has been left by her mother. Beatriz’s mom left her dad but only took Beatriz’s two siblings with her when she moved, leaving Beatriz behind. Jinsong tells Calli that Beatriz once confessed to him “how mad she is at her mother. But her mother isn’t here, so she takes her anger out on everyone else” (270). Beatriz cannot communicate with her mom, so she releases those feelings onto other people, such as Jinsong and Calli. As a result, Beatriz has lost her close friendships: both Jinsong and the other girls at school. Calli compares her own relationship with her mother to Beatriz’s, saying, “Sure, Mom gives me bad advice, and her dating decisions / ruin my life, / but at least she’s in it” (272). Both Calli and Beatriz demonstrate how hurt in child-parent relationships can affect a child’s development. For Calli, her mom’s dismissal of her Tourette syndrome and her mom’s lack of stability have led to Calli’s low self-esteem and lack of close friendships. For Beatriz, her mom’s abandonment and lack of communication has led to her bullying behavior and similar lack of close friendships. Through these characters, Terry shows the impact that hurt in child-parent relationships can have on other areas of a child’s life.

Through Calli, Jinsong, Duncan, Nyle, Ivy, and Beatriz, the novel presents bullying as a multi-faceted issue that includes bullies, victims, bystanders, and adults. The Many Faces of Bullying in Schools includes a wide variety of participants and an equally diverse set of reasons for bullying behavior.

Calli is explicitly verbally bullied for her clothes and tics by Duncan, Nyle, and Beatriz in class at school. Calli doesn’t petition any adults on campus for help, but Dr. Kahn and Mrs. Locke are both present for much of this bullying and do not address it. For example, when Beatriz gets the class to mock Calli’s repetition of the word “precipitation,” Calli notes that “Mrs. Locke / doesn’t do anything to stop it, / and I'm not surprised, / because all she witnesses / is her students discussing the assignment” (123). In the same poem, Calli also points out that Jinsong is completely silent. At this point in the narrative, Jinsong and Calli have spent most afternoons together, so it is especially hurtful to Calli that Jinsong does not stand up for her. Terry conveys in the chapters from Jinsong’s point of view that he is afraid to stand up for Calli because he doesn’t want to be bullied as well. Once Mrs. Locke finds out about Calli’s Tourette syndrome, she addresses the class’s bullying, but there is no indication in the story that the bullying stops after that moment. Terry presents a story in which bullying happens because of several factors that do not include the bully simply being a bad person: miscommunication about a neurodivergent student, teachers’ inability to recognize verbal bullying, bystanders’ concerns over their own safety, and the psychology of the bully themselves. 

Though Duncan and Nyle do explicitly bully Calli in the novel, Beatriz is characterized as her main adversary. When Duncan and Nyle react to Calli on the first day, their bullying stems from their reaction to difference, whereas Beatriz actively seeks out conflict with Calli, intentionally rallying their classmates around planned bullying attacks. Terry provides the reader with a reason for Beatriz’s behavior: Her mom abandoned her and moved away. This rationalization doesn’t excuse Beatriz’s behavior, and she is still confronted by Calli for her hurtful comments. However, by giving the reader this insight, Terry suggests that the bully’s psychology is an important part in understanding the bullying problem. Calli encourages Beatriz to change, which she does. Beatriz represents how compassion and understanding might stop bullying behavior altogether.