Fighting Words

“She’s forgotten all about us. I’m sorry about that, real sorry, but it’s nothing I can change.”

Della explains that they have no contact with their mother, who had a mental health crisis while in prison. This quote illustrates Della’s outlook and overall attitude: Rather than wallowing in suffering over their abandonment, she has learned to be tough and to move on. This is evidence of her resilience; though she mourns a little, she understands that the situation is out of her control and doesn’t dwell on it.

“I’ve learned that some things are almost impossible to talk about because they’re things no one wants to know [...] Sometimes you’ve got a story you need to find the courage to tell.”

Della slowly reveals what happened to her and Suki at the hands of their mother’s boyfriend, Clifton, as the story progresses. Della structures her narrative in this way because it is difficult for her to recall the memories of his abuse; she builds confidence through telling her story until she can talk about even the most difficult parts: the abuse itself and Suki’s suicide attempt. Kimberly Brubaker Bradley uses this narrative technique to illustrate the courage and strength required of survivors to tell their stories.

“Suki ran with me from trouble, took my hand and yanked me away from trouble. I don’t need anybody but Suki.”

Della has escaped many challenging situations thanks to Suki’s protection, which often came at the cost of Suki’s own well-being. This quote foreshadows later events: When Suki’s strength breaks down and she requires mental health intervention, Della must step in to protect her sister, whom she has always viewed as being infallible and unwavering.

“That was my first understanding that what happened to us was going to be hard to talk about not just because I didn’t want to or really know how. It was going to be hard to talk about because people didn’t want to hear it.”

After their emergency foster placemen accuses Della and Suki of lying about what happened to them, Della realizes that there is a stigma around child sexual abuse. This stigma contributes to a reality that is difficult for people to hear about, let alone acknowledge. Della states that this is the largest roadblock to sharing what happened to her and Suki: if people are unwilling to acknowledge that child sexual abuse exists, then their story will be impossible to share.

“They say you can’t fault a person for having a disease, for not knowing how to fight it and for being sick all the time. But you sure can fault them for blowing up a motel room with their two little girls inside.”

As she becomes friends with Nevaeh, Della tells her the story of her mother’s addiction and arrest. This quote acknowledges that addiction is an illness, but it does not excuse dangerous or negligent behavior. This quote also foreshadows Suki’s own mental health struggles. Later, people explain to Della that Suki’s brain needs healing, just the same as a physical illness.

“[She] closed her eyes. Flinched, like somebody’d slapped her. And when she opened her eyes again, I could see she’d made a decision. ‘Yes, Daddy,’ she said [...] from then on Mama was gone and we lived at Clifton’s house.”

Della recalls the night of their mother’s arrest, when Clifton came to pick them up from the police station and, because of a lack of oversight, became their guardian. Suki’s reaction hints that Clifton has already abused her by this point and that she knows it will continue if they leave with him. Clifton stares at her in a way that implies violence if she tells the truth, which leaves Suki with no good options. Della recognizes that Suki “[makes] a decision,” but does not understand that it means Suki is subjecting herself to continued abuse to keep a roof over Della’s head.

“‘I’ve been stuck taking care of you since you were born!’ I sat back. Never. I mean, never [...] [Suki] never acted like she didn’t want me around.”

Suki’s burdens become more difficult for her to carry as Clifton’s trial looms. This quote illustrates her mental health’s deterioration as she lashes out at Della, expressing, for the first time, her anger over her own lost childhood. Suki’s behavior is jarring for Della, who is used to Suki being a steadfast and stable force in her life.

“I hate that she knows everything. Sometimes people know too much. You can’t forget things when you’re around them [...] I just can’t stand it. She looks at me different now.”

After Suki and Teena’s fight at Food City, Della asks Suki why she is no longer friends with Teena, who has only ever tried to help them. Suki’s response illustrates the Stigma of Abuse—Suki feels ashamed of what happened to her, and she assumes that Teena now views her as tainted or damaged. This quote illustrates the heavy toll of the stigma around child sexual abuse, which will only become more difficult for Suki to navigate without mental health support. Unable to acknowledge that what happened to her is not her fault, Suki alienates her best friend out of shame and embarrassment.

“If I looked worse, I think Ms. Davonte might have been more patient with me. She was real nice to the kids who came into the classroom looking like snow. Me—it was like she thought a clean glitter hoodie and new high-tops meant I had no problems at all.”

Della struggles with her classroom teacher, Ms. Davonte, who does not listen and fails to see many signs of discord in her classroom. While Della dresses well because of the state allowance she used at Old Navy, the trauma she carries often plays out in her actions and manner of speech. Instead of trying to get to the root cause of Della’s actions, Ms. Davonte chastises her harshly and sends her to the principal’s office for punishment. Ms. Davonte represents people who make snap judgments based on outward appearances, while Della proves that it is impossible to tell what someone has been through by looks alone.

“At school Monday mornings it would be like my whole head was full of sand. I couldn’t learn anything, because nothing could get past the sand into my brain.”

This quote illustrates the far-reaching effects of abuse and trauma. Della recalls her time living at Clifton’s house: how he would come home on Fridays, leading to a weekend of stress, anxiety, and abuse. This has left a lingering effect on both girls—for Della, it negatively impacts her ability to focus and succeed in school. Her head being “full of sand” is a simile to explain the lingering fog of anxiety, toxic stress, and trauma.

“Francine looked Suki in the eye. ‘Trying too hard to keep everything under wraps makes you liable to explode. Getting help—therapy—that’s like putting in a release valve.’”

Francine becomes more invested in Della and Suki’s lives over time. She can sense the mounting anxiety in Suki and tries to persuade both Suki and their state social worker that Suki needs mental health support. Long before Suki’s suicide attempt, Francine tries to explain to Suki that seeking mental health support does not reflect poorly on her and in fact could be the very thing she needs in order to achieve her goals. This shows Francine Deconstructing the Stigma of Abuse and mental health conditions, as she advocates for therapy and offers help without taking Suki’s freedom away.

“Just because you always did your best doesn’t mean I can’t use conditioner.”

Now that she and Suki are safe, Della has the freedom to develop a sense of individuality and independence. This manifests when she asks Suki, on the advice of the deli counter worker at Food City, to buy her conditioner for her textured hair. Della asserts herself by pointing out that she and Suki have different needs, but Suki, whose mental health is rapidly deteriorating, perceives this as an insult toward her caregiving skills. Suki feels like Della is simultaneously drifting away from her and demanding too much attention, and even her love for her sister cannot help her manage all the burdens she’s taken on.

“Sometimes it seemed like everybody understood the rules but me.”

After unintentionally upsetting her friend Nevaeh, Della states that she often feels like she misunderstands “the rules,” or social cues, that others seem to instinctively understand. This is another example of how Della’s life circumstances have shaped her outlook on the world and her ability to move through it with ease. Because so much of Suki and Della’s lives have been about survival and shaped by immense trauma, Della has never been able to develop an understanding of social norms. This leads Della to feel isolated from her peers, and she struggles to understand her own missteps.

“Everybody gets upset, but cuss words are just words. He’s hurting you. He shouldn’t be allowed to do that.”

Della shows her strength when she tries to convince Nevaeh to let her stop Trevor from pinching her. The other girls in class quietly tolerate Trevor’s harassment, as they do not believe standing up to him will help—this shows how early stigmatization begins. As Della’s confidence and her understanding of Clifton’s abusive actions grows, she becomes better equipped to confront Trevor in a nonviolent, eloquent way. Della is not quite there yet, but she still advocates for herself and others, showing a deep understanding of consent even without the words to express it.

“[Mostly] when people were talking about Clifton, it was like my head filled up with bees all buzzing at once. I couldn’t make out a single word.”

As Della prepares to share the part of her story that led her and Suki to Francine’s home, she again illustrates the trauma response she has to Clifton’s name. She once again uses simile to express her feelings, another example of Bradley emphasizing Della’s youthful innocence. Della’s description illustrates the visceral response that Della has to the abuse she endured, something that stays with her as a physiological reaction even after she and Suki are removed from Clifton’s home.

“Now I was crying. ‘Please don’t—’ I didn’t know what he’d do next, not really, but I knew for sure I didn’t want it to happen. ‘Please!’”

Della describes the scene of Clifton’s abuse. The description is both graphic and vague: Della describes exactly what Clifton did, but as a 10-year-old, she cannot fully comprehend or name what is happening to her. This quote portrays her raw fear and her innate sense that Clifton’s actions are wrong. She knows that what is happening to her is inappropriate, even if she does not understand it.

“I had to take care of you my whole snow life! [...] It was too much, alright? I was too little! When is somebody going to take care of me?”

Suki lashes out once more at Della before her suicide attempt, admitting for the first time the depth of her pain and suffering. As Suki’s facade of strength crumbles, Della sees how deeply Suki is hurting. Suki has had to assume the role of an adult since childhood, this responsibility has taken a heavy toll on her. Suki has held her feelings in for her entire life, but she can no longer hide her pain and anger over the childhood she never had.

“Suki was huddled up on the chair, arms around the top of her knees, staring at the knife like it was the best thing in the world, or the worst. Like she didn’t dare look away. Like the knife was some sort of evil thing, with a spell on it maybe; like it was singing a song only Suki could hear.”

Della describes the scene of Suki’s suicide attempt. To understand the scene unfolding in front of her, Della personifies the knife, describing it as “singing a song” that only Suki can hear. This evokes the sense that Suki is in a trance, that the knife is goading her into taking drastic measures. Thinking of it this way, Della does not have to face the truth that Suki is solely responsible for her actions; therefore, Della does not have to face the reality in which her sister, best friend, and caregiver is in so much pain she would end her life in order to escape it.

“My fault, said a voice inside my head. A horrible voice. Persistent. My fault. Myfaultmyfaultmyfault [...] When Clifton came after me, Suki’d moved fast to save me. No one had jumped in to save Suki. Including me.”

In the immediate aftermath of Suki’s suicide attempt, Della lays the blame on herself. When she learns of what happened to Suki at Clifton’s house, she realizes that no one stood up for Suki the way Suki has always stood up for her. Della feels immense guilt over this, even though she is blameless. Because she does not understand the systemic structures that failed both her and Suki, Della can only believe that she failed to protect her sister.

“Did you know grown-up wolves have no natural predators? [...] once they’re grown up nothing can stop them. [...] I thought it was important. Suki and me, once we grew all the way up, nothing could take us down.”

Della views wolves as a powerful symbol of her and Suki’s strength. Della and Suki are a pack of two: they look out for one another and fiercely protect each other. As the narrative progresses, Della learns more about wolves, and they resonate with her even more. This quote illustrates her belief that once she and Suki grow up, they will be an unstoppable force because they have each other.

“You want two things at once [...] You want me to feel better enough that I can promise I’ll never hurt myself again, and you want me to do something that’s going to make me feel worse.”

Della struggles to understand the nuances of Suki’s recovery. As Della tries to convince Suki to share what Clifton did to her with the courts, Suki tries to explain how Della’s desires contradict one another. Suki, who is still coping with the aftermath of her mental health crisis, explains that Della pushing her to testify against Clifton would only set her back mentally. After this conversation, Della pivots, deciding to testify in person instead. This allows her to own her truth and to protect Suki at the same time.

“You use semicolons when you don’t want to use a period [...] This is to remind myself. My sentence—my story—it’s going to keep going on.”

Suki gets a tattoo of a semicolon as a symbol of her promise to try to work through her trauma and pain. The semicolon is a well-known symbol in the suicide awareness and survival community that illustrates one’s story: the fact that it may take a pause, but it does not end with the finality of a period. This tattoo also represents Suki’s commitment to Della; she cannot make the definitive promises that Della wants from her, but she can prove her determination to try.

“Dr. Fremont and Francine both say that Suki and I have to live in the present. I get that, but the past keeps sneaking up on us and walloping us upside our heads.”

Della explains the challenging reality of living with trauma and post-traumatic stress. Even though she understands that she and Suki need to move on with their lives in order to achieve their goals, the past continues to affect their present. Della articulates how difficult it is to move on when reminders of the past remain, often manifesting in serious or even violent ways.