Don't Forget to Write: A Novel

Walter and Rose are Marilyn’s parents. They are much more concerned with Family and Duty than their daughter. Walter wants her to get married as soon as possible, give up going to college, and behave like a proper young woman, according to his ideals. He is horrified by the idea that Marilyn might want something more out of life than getting married and having children and even threatens to sit shiva for her if she disobeys him. This threat is not to be taken lightly, as it is more serious than disowning a child. This is one of the most serious forms of social ostracism in Jewish communities.

Rose is not as strict as Walter, though she does hold some traditional beliefs. Like Ada, she encourages Marilyn to pursue her writing. Marilyn assumes that her mother is unhappy in her life because she is always reading while cooking and often burns the food. She later learns, however, that Rose simply finds cooking dull. She reads to stay occupied, not because she is unhappy. Once this misunderstanding is cleared up, Marilyn understands that Rose is happy with her life choices, even if those decisions do not make Marilyn happy. Rose understands the opposite: The things that she is content with in her life are not enough for Marilyn. She is supportive of her daughter’s choices when Marilyn inherits Ada’s wealth. It is only because Rose threatens to leave Walter if he does not accept Marilyn’s choices at the end that Walter grudgingly agrees to let her live her own life. The relationship between Marilyn and her father is not fully resolved at the end of the narrative.

Ada is Marilyn’s great-aunt, though she refers to Marilyn as her niece and asks that Marilyn simply call her “Ada.” Ada is stylish and independent, and she looks young for her age. In the 1960s, it was still unusual for an unmarried woman to run her own business. As a matchmaker, Ada has a great understanding of Romance and Making Matches. Her career as a matchmaker has been hugely influential on the Jewish community in Philadelphia and makes her a trusted member of society with a lot of power.

At first, Marilyn does not understand how Ada can know so much about love when she has never been married herself, hinting that there is more to Ada than meets the eye. Ada is proud and at times a little hard on Marilyn. She insists on perfect behavior from Marilyn, but as the two get to know each other, Marilyn learns that Ada’s bark is more powerful than her bite. She is supportive of Marilyn during her pregnancy scare, ensuring that she is safe and cared for. What Ada wants is to show Marilyn how to live a life free from the trappings of Family and Duty. Although she recognizes that those things are important to many people, she knows from personal experience that traditional marriage is not the only way to have a happy, fulfilling life. 

When Marilyn first meets Ada, she learns that Ada has a companion, Lillian. Marilyn makes several assumptions about Lillian before she ever meets her that turn out to be untrue. She assumes that she will not like Lillian because she is jealous that she will no longer have Ada all to herself. She also assumes that Lillian is nothing more than a paid companion and that she could easily replace her. When she learns that Ada and Lillian have known each other for over 40 years, this opinion starts to change.

Lillian is exceptionally kind to Marilyn, expressing interest in her writing and often taking her side in playful arguments with Ada. Marilyn comes to love Lillian almost as much as she loves Ada, though she still does not fully understand the nature of their relationship. However, the author foreshadows the fact that Lillian and Ada are a couple long before Marilyn realizes this on the last page of the book. Clues like their connected bedrooms, the photo album of them together under Ada’s bed, and the fact that they speak on the phone almost every day when Lillian is away are just a few of the hints that Confino drops about their relationship throughout the book.

One of the first people that Marilyn meets in Philadelphia is Shirley. She seems nice at first, but Ada disapproves of her because her family is newly wealthy, and she believes that they are “social climbers…Wealthy, but vulgar” and have “[n]o class” (62). Marilyn decides to come to her own conclusions about Shirley and befriends her despite Ada’s disapproval, but she eventually realizes that Ada was right.

Marilyn has a brief relationship with Freddy, Shirley’s brother. At first, he seems like a fun-loving, good-natured young man, perfect for a summer fling. Marilyn is attracted to him, and they begin a secret relationship. However, she quickly realizes that Freddy does not see her as her own person and expects her to want to marry him, have his children, and not have a career or her own interests. Despite her misgivings, she continues their relationship, eventually sleeping with him. They have unprotected sex, placing Marilyn at risk of pregnancy. She realizes that the relationship was a mistake when Freddy reveals that he is being forced to marry a woman he got pregnant only weeks before meeting Marilyn. When this happens, Freddy begs Marilyn to agree to marry him instead, and Marilyn is finally able to see Freddy for who he really is. He views her as “a means to an end” and does not care about what she wants (211).

Daniel is the reason that Marilyn gets sent to stay with Ada. At first, Marilyn sees Daniel as a convenient distraction to a boring synagogue service. When they are caught and Marilyn’s reputation is at stake, Daniel offers to marry her, though he is almost as unenthusiastic about the prospect as she is. After they part ways, he realizes how much he likes Marilyn. Unlike Freddy and many other men whom Marilyn has met, Daniel respects Marilyn as an individual. He likes that she challenges him to step outside of his comfort zone, and he is willing to stay with her whether or not she wants to marry him.

Daniel is a selfless character who is prepared to shape his entire life around Marilyn. Although he dreams of becoming a photojournalist, he offers to attend rabbinical school just so that the two of them can have a longer engagement. Daniel and Marilyn are both passionate about creative careers of which their parents disapprove. They respect each other’s autonomy and independence, which makes them compatible partners beyond their romantic interest in each other. Daniel is the right choice for Marilyn because he does not want to cage her; he wants their partnership to be freeing for them both. When Marilyn recognizes that Daniel also wants more out of life than marriage and a family, she can relate more to him and grows to trust him. Her feelings for him can develop without the pressure of marriage, and their relationship grows into one where both are truly equal partners.