42 pages • 1 hour read
Virginia AxlineDibs in Search of Self: The Renowned, Deeply Moving Story of an Emotionally Lost Child Who Found His Way Back
Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 1964A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
The Pains and Joys of Finding Oneself
The search for self is perhaps the most important journey that a person undertakes. This journey is essential to feeling comfortable in one’s skin and confident in one’s abilities. It is a process that can take years, and which may never be fully complete. The process can be painful, sometimes tedious, but worthwhile. In order for a child like Dibs, who locked himself away from the world, to find out who he was, a variety of factors have to be present. Above all, Dibs needed the compassion of Dr. Axline. He needed the freedom and opportunity of Dr. Axline’s playroom and office. He also needed to believe in himself, to examine the most painful experiences of his life to overcome them and break down the locked doors within himself.
Dr. Axline stresses the importance of the humanistic approach in helping children and adults find themselves: “no one ever really knows as much about any human being’s inner world as does the individual himself […] that responsible freedom grows and develops from inside the person” (67). In other words, no psychologist can offer a patient more than what they can offer themselves—everything that a person needs to heal, grow, and overcome is already within them. Without this attitude, Dr. Axline may have pushed Dibs further away, into a deeper state of fear and anger. She does not speculate about his life, mind, or intentions, instead allowing him to explore and push his own boundaries.
Over the course of his time in the playroom, Dibs transforms from a cautious boy who is uncertain of the value of his abilities to someone who lives unabashedly as himself. He initially refers to himself in the second and third person, not identifying as an individual. As he starts to see himself as a capable, worthy person, he starts to use the first person. Soon, Dibs creates and repeats an important mantra to himself: “I am Dibs. I am Dibs. I am Dibs” (148). Never before had he experienced a safe space so flexible to his needs and desires. In the playroom, Dibs constructs his own world, both creating original scenarios and replicating real scenarios (including the daily life of his own town). Through weekly play, he slowly realizes his abilities: He paints pictures, writes poems, sings, and more. At the same time, Dibs works through the pain of his past, using symbolic play to release his anger and frustration toward his family. Dr. Axline notices that he sometimes needs a break after engaging in this type of play, due to its heavy nature: “If he seemed to be a little frightened by what he had just played out, and if he sought for himself a retreat into the safety of a discussion about some material things—like clocks—I would not rush him into any probing of his feelings” (106). Finding oneself is a painful and often frightening experience, and Dr. Axline admires Dibs’s courage to face this process that even adults fear. By the end of his therapy sessions, Dibs learns to accept and love all sides of himself, and his fears diminish.
The Humanistic Approach to Child Therapy
Dr. Axline’s therapy centers on Carl Rogers’s humanistic approach to psychological treatment. He believed that therapists should act as a reflection of their patients, refrain from expecting or pushing for information, and provide support unconditionally. Dr. Axline refused to believe that children could be conditioned to behave in certain ways or grow out of problems. She viewed children as complex humans who deserve the same respect as adults. She also believed people cannot be determined or changed by a singular experience: “The complexity of human motivation and behavior is demonstrated over and over again. […] There is always an accumulation of experiences intertwined with highly personal emotions, goals, values, that motivate the person” (91). Dr. Axline withholds assumptions about Dibs and other child patients, their families, and their (potential) conditions. Instead, she values the humanistic approach for its lack of judgement, especially regarding factors outside of a psychologist’s knowledge: “Here the benefit of a doubt can flourish and survive long enough to force considerations and limitations of human evaluation” (20).
Dr. Axline’s time with Dibs illustrates her values and approach to child therapy. She acts as a neutral presence, not guiding nor questioning Dibs, but instead repeating what he says in an objective way to provide clarity: “‘It looks like a big, big world to you from here,’ I commented. ‘That’s right,’ he said softly. ‘Bigness. Just bigness!’” (107). Doing so validates what Dibs is saying, helps him understand it, and lets him know that someone else understands, too. Overall, the humanistic approach is based on empathy and patience. Dr. Axline demonstrates this as she allows Dibs to do as he pleases, take his time, repeat himself, or stand still in silence. When he asks Dr. Axline what therapy is, she explains it as a means, a place, for people to be themselves. This freedom is something Dibs never experienced before, and which transforms his entire being after years of emotional abuse by his parents. Similarly, Dibs’s transformation changes his parents, who try harder to connect to their son. When Dr. Axline speaks to Dibs’s mother, she uses the same humanistic approach and prioritizes listening. She is eager to help Dibs’s parents and wants them to be involved in Dibs’s search for self, but never pushes them to act. By leaving decisions to her child patient and his family, Dr. Axline was able to help Dibs discover who he was and where he fit into the world.
How Healing a Child Can Heal a Family
In many cases, a family does not benefit from therapy if the whole family does not participate. In the case of Dibs and his family, Dr. Axline observes dramatic changes that, when experienced by Dibs, also reflect in his family dynamic. Dibs has a bold, unique personality, and his presence fills the room. Dr. Axline “could feel the impact of his personality” (19) when she met Dibs’s teachers—and believes that despite him living “on the edge of things” (85), he was changing the lives of those who cared for him. When Dr. Axline first meets Dibs and his parents, they are all tense, miserable, and shut out from the world. Dibs’s parents initially refuse to participate in Dibs’s therapy in any way, but as he works to open up and forgive his parents for their mistakes, they express remorse and find a way to forgive themselves. Through therapy, the whole family comes to exercise love and understanding on a similar level.
Dibs is an intelligent child who refuses to use his abilities, talk, or engage with the world. As he starts to feel secure with himself, he plays more, talks more, and develops a desire to be part of the world, including his family. Dr. Axline’s humanistic approach, which allows a child patient to feel autonomous, confident, and secure through a lack of judgment, gives Dibs the safety he needs to work through his emotions. Through symbolic play, he works through various negative experiences—including being locked in his room, being pressured to prove his intelligence, and feeling neglected by his parents. He utilizes the playroom’s dolls, toy soldiers, sand, paints, and other tools to overcome his pain. Dibs also feels anger and jealousy toward his sister Dorothy, which he works through as well. Dibs’s mother later admits that her son is a bigger person than she, because he was the first to offer forgiveness and communication. When Dibs hugs his mother and voices his love, it is a sign that he wants a healthier relationship with her. When Dibs gets sick, his parents take care of him, and he starts to feel like a loved member of the family. It takes more time for Dibs to forgive his father, as his father is withdrawn and often abuses him. However, when Dibs’s father realizes Dibs doesn’t hate him, he starts to spend quality time with him. Dr. Axline’s humanistic approach helps both Dibs and his parents realize that human beings, imperfect as they are, often contribute to each other’s problems—but these problems can be solved with effort. By the time Dibs’s therapy sessions end, he and his family are ready to spend the summer together.
