Dibs in Search of Self: The Renowned, Deeply Moving Story of an Emotionally Lost Child Who Found His Way Back

Dibs’s mother calls for another appointment and when she comes in, she seems at ease. She expresses gratitude toward Dr. Axline, as Dibs feels more involved, more part of the family. Dibs’s mother explains that, since Dibs was a toddler, she has been reading to him and teaching him. She has been trying to prove that she can help him, unknowingly pressuring him in the process. When Dibs refused to communicate what he was learning, his mother slowly rejected him, leading him to reject himself. She constantly tested him, and this made Dibs feel defined by his intellect. She admits that Dibs was the bigger person, and his changes inspired her to change, too. After the meeting, Dr. Axline reflects on how parents often benefit from partaking in therapy with their child, but that Dibs’s family was fortunate enough to benefit through him instead.

Dr. Axline receives a call from Dibs’s school. Miss Jane reports that Dibs has shown major changes, such as interacting with others. Dr. Axline offers to meet with her and teaching assistant Hedda. According to Dibs’s teachers, Dibs is slowly getting closer to the other children, participating in circle time, and showing evidence of active learning. Hedda shares that Dibs has started conversing with her, no longer has tantrums, and frequently paints. She shows Dr. Axline some paintings, which seem simpler than those made during Dibs’s therapy sessions. The poem he wrote is equally simple. Dr. Axline is happy that Dibs is integrating socially, but wonders why he isn’t living up to his abilities anymore; she believes he’s trying to better relate to children his age. She also believes that having an optimistic environment is important for Dibs, and hopes he will learn to balance his abilities and need to be part of a group. Miss Jane and Hedda describe a day in which Dibs seemed to let go of his inhibitions, and was elected by the other children to play the wind in their play. He created his own song and dance, more akin to the things he would do during therapy sessions. Dr. Axline is encouraged but feels there is still a long way to go in Dibs’s search for self.

Dibs comes to his session and asks to use Dr. Axline’s tape recorder. He creates a long message, listing off everyone in his family and class, and then voices his hatred for his father. Afterward, he goes to the sandbox and once again buries the “Papa” doll. Dibs creates a prison for the doll, calling it bad and mean as the doll “begs” for forgiveness. He repeatedly tells the doll that he’s going to kill it for doing so many mean things to him. He looks at Dr. Axline and explains that his father isn’t mean anymore, but he still wants to punish him for past actions. After the doll calls for help and apologizes repeatedly, Dibs finally releases him from prison. Dibs tells Dr. Axline that his father took the family to the beach and told him about oceans, lakes, and rivers. Dibs and his father built a sandcastle together.

There are three sessions left before summer vacation, which Dibs comments on when he arrives for his next session. Dibs chooses the sister doll, talking to it and telling it that he will poison its cereal. He tells Dr. Axline that his sister Dorothy is coming home for good, and that he’s happy about it. They used to fight, but don’t anymore. Dibs picks up the mother doll next, throwing it in the sand and demanding that it build a mountain. He knows people can’t build mountains, and says this to Dr. Axline, but demands it of the mother doll anyway. After yelling at the mother doll, he picks up the sister doll and comforts it, promising to take care of it. Dibs tells Dr. Axline that he’s making gifts for his family at school—a book of flowers for his mother, a paperweight for his father, a piece of his favorite branch for his grandmother, and an undecided gift for Dorothy. He then paints a picture, explaining that the colors represent happiness. He calls the playroom a “happy room” (188). Dr. Axline reflects on how Dibs has had both happy and difficult moments in the playroom, as he worked through various feelings and learned to accept them.

Dr. Axline brings a set of miniature figures, and Dibs notices it. He is excited to build a world that reflects his own, and gets to work setting up a hospital and people among other things. He narrates everything he does, describing a town full of friendly faces. Dibs’s miniature town is complex, and Dr. Axline can tell he understands the town as a whole and as individual parts. He expresses lingering anger toward his parents, sending his mother to the hospital and his father stranded at a traffic stop. He tells Dr. Axline that he has a barber’s appointment after the session, and that while he used to be afraid of the barber, he isn’t anymore, adding “I guess maybe I am growing up” (194).

Dibs comes in for his final session. He tells Dr. Axline that he will miss her, looks forward to a summer with his family by the ocean, and adds that he is Dibs to his tape recording. Next, Dibs plays with the toy city again, arranging a jail and some houses, as well as a church. He puts his house next to Dr. Axline’s, with no fence between them and his grandmother’s house nearby. Birds, trees, and flowers populate the yards. Dibs then puts each member of his family in jail, expressing more lingering anger and hurt. He exchanges a child figure for an adult figure, calling it his grown-up self. He explains that “big Dibs” (200) is no longer afraid, and that everyone in the town is happy. Next, Dibs places the child and adult versions of himself next to each other, accepting both as parts of himself. Dr. Axline believes Dibs has finally accepted himself, and in doing so, learned to like and respect others.

When Dr. Axline returns from her vacation in October, she receives a call from Dibs’s mother, who explains that Dibs is hoping for one final visit. She is happy to report that he was carefree and close with the family all summer. A happy Dibs comes in and asks to visit Dr. Axline’s office. He remarks on the joy of the room, its books, and its window with a view. He writes a goodbye message to the office, which ends with “As you said you wanted it. As I said I wanted it. As we said we wanted it” (203). Back in the playroom, Dibs again expresses joy to be there. He turns the sink on, watching the water splash, and then decides to pour some yellow paint on the floor on purpose. Afterward, he expresses relief. Dibs expresses confusion regarding Dr. Axline’s role and the playroom, but notes it “really doesn’t matter […] You are the lady of the wonderful playroom!” (204). He picks up a baby bottle and throws it, breaking it into pieces, no longer in need of its infantile comfort. He mentions the other children who must come to the playroom, at ease with the idea. Dibs suddenly asks Dr. Axline if she can take him to the church nearby so he can truly see it. Dr. Axline agrees, and they walk around outside as Dibs looks up, marveling at the church’s size. Inside, Dibs expresses both awe and fear. After a silent walk back to the playroom, he asks Dr. Axline why some people believe in God while others don’t. He notes how his grandmother believes in God, but his parents don’t, and therefore he doesn’t know God. Dr. Axline struggles to answer the question but says belief is something all people must decide for themselves. Before leaving, Dibs tells Dr. Axline that his father is teaching him to play baseball so he can join the other boys at school. He leaves with his mother “a happy, capable child” (209).

Two and a half years later, Dr. Axline is in her office when she hears Dibs’s voice outside her window. He is playing with a friend, and they are examining worms together. A few days later, she runs into him on the street, and finds he has moved nearby. Dibs is thrilled to see Dr. Axline, and they sit together and talk. Dibs recalls their therapy sessions: “I built my world with you in the playroom” (211). He reflects on this time as critical to his development, as it made him unafraid. He recalls visiting the local church and marveling at the vastness of God. When Dr. Axline runs into Dibs and his parents a few days later, Dibs’s parents express gratitude and report that Dibs has made even more progress. He is enrolled in a school for gifted children and plays well with others. Dr. Axline is happy to know that Dibs has finally come into himself as a person.

Dr. Axline felt Dibs’s story of emerging from “the shadows of life” (215) was worth sharing. She talked about Dibs in many lectures in the 1960s, and many listeners wrote letters expressing the impact of Dibs’s story on their own lives. She included one such letter from a former student who left for the Vietnam War: This student notes that Dibs is an example of “the human values we try so hard to hold onto” (216). Years later, when Dibs is 15 years old, a friend shows Dr. Axline a letter of protest that Dibs wrote to his school. It details his concern over prejudice against his friend, and that he plans to leave the school if his friend is not given a formal apology. Dr. Axline smiles, knowing Dibs has become a compassionate soul.