Butcher & Blackbird

“The need.

It starts like an itch. Irritation beneath my skin. Nothing I do releases the constant whisper of it in my flesh. It crawls into my mind and doesn’t let go.

It becomes pain.

The longer I deny it, the more it drags me into the abyss.

I must stop it. I’ll do anything.

And there’s only one thing that works.

Killing.”

This quote complicates The Ethics of Vigilante Justice because it is one of the rare passages where Sloane describes her “need” for violence and murder, rather than describing the sense of justice she feels when she rids the planet of evil serial killers. Despite Sloane’s intentions in killing serial killers, which may be noble, Sloane also has a dark, possibly pathological relationship with violence, which raises the question of whether her vigilante justice activities are morally good after all.

“‘There’s something about this competition that feels…inspiring, I guess. Like an adventure. Nothing has really broken through to make me feel excited like this in a long time. And I think—or hope—that Rowan would have tried to kill me already if he wanted to. I don’t know why, and this is maybe the most reckless, impulsive part of this whole idea, but I believe he feels like I do, like he’s looking for something to alleviate an itch that’s getting harder and harder to scratch.’

Lark hums again, but this time the sound is deeper, darker. I’ve spoken to her about this before. She knows where I’m at. Relief is harder to find with each kill. It doesn’t last long. Something is missing.”

This quote illustrates The Complexities of Love in Dark Circumstances. Sloane looks forward to her competition with Rowan because it excites her in a way that is getting harder to achieve by killing serial killers, but the real reason she finds the competition exciting is because she has romantic feelings for Rowan, not because it is a competition. Ultimately, the novel suggests that true love can have healing and regenerative properties.

“It’s as though we saw each other only yesterday. It’s so easy with him, even when I don’t want it to be, just like when we sat in the diner a year ago. Despite how hard I’d tried to force my attention elsewhere, it kept coming back to him. And it’s no different now. He lures me in, a pinprick of steady light in the static darkness.”

This quote complicates the complexities of love in dark circumstances. Although Sloane has doubts about pursuing a relationship with another serial killer, she cannot help but be drawn to Rowan. The metaphor of Rowan as “light” amidst pervasive “darkness” suggests that love can have a positive effect even when it is between two complicated, potentially monstrous individuals. Instead of amplifying the darkness between them, Sloane and Rowan give each other newfound light.

“A foreign sound enters our domain. It suddenly feels as if we were in a bubble that’s just burst. It’s not normal for me, and the appearance of Francis by the front desk is a shock to my system. I’m usually so aware of my surroundings. But Rowan had me locked in another realm, as though nothing else existed but us. And for some reason, that felt like a relief, a break from the constant pressure of searching for danger lurking in the shadow.”

This quote further illustrates the complexities of love in dark circumstances. Although Sloane momentarily feels unsafe when she realizes she has not been paying as much attention as usual to her surroundings, she ultimately feels relieved because this lack of attention implies that she feels safe and at ease with Rowan.

“She probably ran back to the hotel to grab her belongings and book it out of here…

And can I blame her?

We’re both monsters, after all.

Different monsters, thrust together in the cage I’ve created.

Sloane is calculating, methodical. She waits and weaves a web and nets her prey. And while I like to stage a scene from time to time, to display some theatrics, this kill right here? This mess of torn flesh and exposed bone? This is my soul. I’m fucking feral at the core.

Maybe it’s best that she gets as far away from me as she can.”

This quote emphasizes the complexities of love in dark circumstances as well as the ethics of vigilante justice. Rowan worries that both he and Sloane are “monsters,” meaning they do not deserve love, are incapable of love, or should not pursue love due to the high potential for destruction. Both protagonists have had worries similar to this for years before actually initiating a relationship, demonstrating the extent of the challenges associated with romance under their unique circumstances. Rowan’s reflections on his violent impulses also suggest that he is not motivated solely by justice.

“Sloane looks up from her work. Her gaze falls to my lip before it returns to my hand, her touch so gentle despite the suffering I know she could mete out, if she wanted to.”

This quote illustrates the nuances of identity. It shows that Sloane has a violent, dark side, as well as a gentle, healing side. These two sides may seem opposed, but they are connected: Sloane’s violent tendencies are fueled by a desire to make the world a safer place.

“‘You’re right.’

[…]

‘That you’ll probably never meet someone like him again. That he’s probably the only one out there like you. That you could mess it up. Or he could let you down. Or that maybe your friendship could go up in flames. You’re right about all those worries that are circling around in your head. Maybe all of them are true. But maybe it shouldn’t matter, because everyone messes up. We all let each other down once in a while. And sometimes the best things come out of the fire.’

[…]

I miss his faint accent and his big smile and his ever-present jokes. I miss his teasing and his warmth and how easy it is to just be myself around him, how nice it is to lay the mask aside. I miss the way he makes me feel like I’m not an aberration, but unique.”

This quote contributes to the themes of the complexities of love in dark circumstances and the nuances of identity by showing both the fears Sloane feels about her relationship with Rowan and the way he makes her feel understood. The metaphor of a “mask” that she is relieved to be able to “lay aside” illustrates the healing power of sharing the true self with a loved one instead of concealing the self at all times. Lark’s metaphorical claim that “sometimes the best things come out of the fire” shows how, just because Sloane and Rowan are both complex and dark, does not mean they cannot forge a healthy, productive relationship together.

“‘You were busy. I was…intruding.’

‘I would have made time for you…You’re my friend. Maybe someday my best friend.’

[…]

‘You hardly know me,’ she says.

‘Really? Because I bet I know the darkest parts of you better than anyone. Just like you know the darkest parts of me. And despite that, you still want to hang out with me. Most of the time, anyway…So, I think that makes you my friend, whether you like it or not.’”

This quote further illustrates the complexities of love in dark circumstances. Instead of ignoring the darkest parts of themselves or trying to extinguish those parts, Sloane and Rowan find it productive to embrace those parts and share them completely with each other. By doing this, they form a genuine friendship that becomes the foundation for their romantic relationship.

“I recall the kitchen of my childhood home in Sligo, eating around the small table with my brothers, the three of us usually alone in the dark, unwelcoming house. ‘Lachlan would find a way to bring home food. I would cook it. And our little brother was a picky little shit at that age, so I got pretty good at creating decent flavors from limited resources. Cooking became a kind of escape. A safe place for my mind to run free and explore.’

‘Culinary art. Literally.’

‘Exactly. And my ability to cook probably made hard times at home a little easier.’ At least my father’s drunken or drug-induced rages weren’t made worse by hunger. There were a few times he controlled himself long enough to shove me into the kitchen and demand dinner rather than strike me down. Cooking became a kind of armor. Not foolproof, but a barrier at least. Something to soften the blow. ‘I was lucky, I guess. It survived. Eventually, it became another mechanism for me and my brothers to build a better life.’”

Here, Rowan explains how his “culinary art” of cooking served as a way to provide for his brothers and to temper his father’s abusive tendencies. This quote also develops the nuances of identity by showing that, despite being a serial killer, Rowan is also loyal and dedicated to protecting his brothers and ensuring their wellbeing. In fact, these qualities are the reason he killed their father. Protectiveness and murder go hand in hand for Rowan.

“I need to get it through my thick skull. She will never want more than this. But I refuse to lose her. Sloane is the only person in the world who can look at my monster and find a friend. And I know she needs a friend just as much as I do. Maybe more.”

This quote elaborates on the complexities of love in dark circumstances. Rowan worries that Sloane could not possibly love him romantically, but he also senses that she needs a genuine friend just like he does. Thus, even though it may be painful to remain close to her without pursuing actual romance, he sticks around out of loyalty and concern for her wellbeing.

“‘The man you remind me of, he presented such a civilized mask to the world, yet underneath, he was a devil. He promised the best education. The best opportunities for students gifted in the arts. He promised a safe place to learn and the best chance for getting into the most exclusive universities for those of us whose parents were wealthy enough to pay the price. And since mine were never around, they didn’t notice the price I truly paid.’

[…]

‘And in a way, I was learning. I was learning how to keep my rage and darkness beneath a mask so I could carry on in the world. So I kept my mouth shut as I gave pieces of myself away. But you know the one price I could not pay?…was Lark.’

[…]

‘She was the only person I cared about. When I found out what he was doing to her, what she had been hiding, I did some hiding of my own. That same night that she confessed someone else’s sins to me, I waited in the shadows. I made a vow in the dark. That I would wipe out everyone like him that I could find. That I wouldn’t stop until I found the worst, the darkest, the most depraved, and I would erase them from the world, one at a time. And I promised myself that I would never let anyone hurt someone I cared about ever again.’”

This passage develops the ethics of vigilante justice through Sloane’s description of the first person she killed, and the similarities between him and Thorsten Harris, whom she is about to kill when she makes this speech. Like Rowan, Sloane’s violent tendencies are motivated by a desire to protect her loved ones and strangers by ending the lives of dangerous, reprehensible villains. This separates her from the villains because, although she is still committing murders, she does so because she wants to make the world safer, not make it more dangerous.

“I know how I feel about Rowan. The more we talk, the more we laugh and play, the more I can’t picture my life without him. But I am scared as fuck. More scared of wanting something beyond a friendship with Rowan than I’ve been of anything else I’ve done in my weird, unconventional life.

There’s not really much that scares me, as though that sensation has been dulled. So why this? Why does this heat my skin and slick my palms and charge my heart with galloping beats?

I know why.

Because aside from Lark, no one has stayed around. Not even my parents.

What if I’m not worth keeping?

[…]

What if I’ve got this all wrong? What if everything I feel is all in my head? What if he’s been avoiding me? What if I’m unlovable? What if something unfixable is wrong with me? What if I try for something more with Rowan and I fuck it up? What if he never wants to see me again? I could just leave now. What if I do? What if what if what if—”

This quote develops the complexities of love in dark circumstances. Ironically, Sloane finds romance scarier than anything else, including hunting serial killers, because she is not used to romance, nor is she used to emotional vulnerability or closeness. The repetition of “what if” emphasizes the degree of anxiety she feels about romance, and how easily this anxiety snowballs until it’s impossible to process.

“His smile is easy, his laugh warm. His energy is infectious. Even though he’s capable of killing any one of them without remorse, he still puts people at ease, his mask infallible.

It might be Rowan’s element, but it’s definitely not mine.

Small talk is usually easier for me when I’m hunting, because I have a purpose, a plan to lure someone in. I find it hard to relate to people when I know they’re not shitbags who deserve to be relieved of their eyes. But with Rowan, it feels easier. He helps me make the first connections to other people. To find a common ground.”

This passage develops the nuances of identity by showing how charming and social Rowan can be, despite his secret violent tendencies. This passage also illustrates the healing power of love and friendship because it shows how Rowan helps Sloane cope with social scenarios despite how scary they normally are for her. As their relationship evolves, both protagonists help each other grow into better, more capable, and happier versions of themselves.

“He knows my darkest secrets. I know his. We can be monsters, and maybe we don’t deserve the same things that other people do. Happiness. Affection. Love. But I can’t seem to stop the way I feel when I look at every facet of Rowan, from his brightest light to his deepest, most dangerous dark. Maybe I don’t deserve it for the things I’ve done. But I want it. I want more with him than what I’ve got.”

This quote illustrates the complexities of love in dark circumstances. Throughout the novel, the metaphor of “monsters” is used repeatedly to describe Sloane and Rowan, especially when they are worrying about whether or not they deserve love or should pursue love. Despite these doubts, here Sloane decides to give love a chance. Ultimately, the power of love helps both protagonists accept their own dark side so that they do not have to view their monstrosity as a bad thing.

“I keep going, ready to plow through these next few months. Maybe ready to try again.

What if I just try again?

What if I do.”

This quote further illustrates the complexities of love in dark circumstances. The variation in the earlier repetition of “what if” shows that, despite Sloane’s numerous worries about what could go wrong with love, it is still worth pursuing because its rewards outweigh the risks.

“I can’t deny the excitement that floods the chambers of my heart with adrenaline. Harvey Mead is an enormous brute, a beast of a man, and I want to take him down. I want to nail him to the floorboards of his horror house and carve out his eyes, knowing I’m the one who stopped him from ever taking another life. I want him to feel what his victims felt.”

This quote illustrates the ethics of vigilante justice. Sloane feels bloodlust and enjoys killing people like Harvey Mead, but this is not just because she likes violence. Instead, she enjoys ending the lives of people who perpetuate danger by harming innocent people. The people Sloane kills are not “innocent,” so a division is drawn between her and her victims.

“After my father attacked us for the last time, when Lachlan and I killed him, I realized I didn’t feel what I probably should about doing something like that. Most people would feel guilt. But I felt a rush of excitement when it was happening. Accomplishment when it was over. There was peace in knowing he would never come back. And when I met someone else that reminded me of him a short while later, I realized there was nothing stopping me from doing it again. There was always a next person. Someone worse. Eventually, it became a kind of sport, to find the worst person I could and wipe them off the planet forever.”

This passage describes the first person Rowan killed and his motivations behind the murder. Like Sloane, Rowan committed his first murder to protect his loved ones and himself, and afterward, he felt driven to continue killing similarly reprehensible people to protect others, even if those others were strangers rather than loved ones. This creates a distinction between Rowan and the serial killers he kills because his violent tendencies are driven by a desire to make the world safer rather than more dangerous.

“‘The Tower…Destruction. Or liberation…’

[…]

‘A tower of stone…It should be strong. Built on an unstable foundation, it just takes one lightning strike to bring it down. Chaos. Change. Pain. And when your world crumbles around you, the truth is revealed.’

[…]

Did I ever really free her?

Or will I be her destruction?”

Rose’s tarot reading foreshadows a chaotic, possibly destructive event that will soon happen in Rowan’s life. Rowan correctly intuits that, as serial killers who kill other serial killers, he and Sloane are inviting danger into their lives. However, getting together romantically does not necessarily amplify this danger, as Rowan worries it does. Instead, when David attempts to kill Rowan, Sloane is able to save Rowan’s life, illustrating the power of love.

“‘Our place…Our cat. I can’t wait to be kitty litter influencers together; what a great side hustle. We’re gonna be rich.’

I bark a laugh and roll my eyes. ‘You’re the worst.’

‘You’ll love me someday.’

[…]

Today is that day.

Maybe yesterday too. And the day before that. Maybe for a while, in fact.

I can’t tell exactly when it started, but I don’t think it will ever stop.”

Throughout the text, Sloane repeatedly tells Rowan that he’s “the worst” and Rowan repeatedly responds that Sloane will love him someday. Each time these phrases are repeated, it raises the novel’s romantic tension because the characters are attracted to each other from the beginning, and it seems like only a matter of time before they fall in love. Here, the romantic tension created by this repetition concludes because Sloane finally admits to herself that she does love Rowan, and his words are not simply a joke.

“There’s relief knowing I can love and be loved, after years wondering if I was so broken that there was room only for vengeance and loneliness in my heart. And I think I see the release of that burden reflected in Rowan’s eyes too.”

This quote illustrates the complexities of love in dark circumstances. Rowan knows all the darkest parts of Sloane, but instead of viewing these parts as reasons not to love her, he embraces her even more because her complexity mirrors his own.

“I know I’m not a normal person, but I don’t feel like a monster. I feel like a weapon. The final justice on behalf of those who can’t speak, delivering punishment for those who don’t deserve clemency. But…Maybe I’ve just been deluding myself about my reign of vengeance, and I’m every bit the monster as the prey that we hunt.”

This quote illustrates the complicated ethics of vigilante justice because Sloane still worries that she might be a “monster” and that there might not be an actual difference between her and the people she kills. On one hand, Sloane commits murders, and it is immoral to end another human life under any circumstances. On the other hand, there is a clear difference between Sloane and the people she kills because Sloane only kills people if ending their lives would make the world safer, whereas the people she kills usually target innocent people as their victims.

“You have never been unlovable. You were just waiting for someone who will love you for who you are, not for who they want you to be. I can do that, if you’ll let me.”

This quote illustrates the complexities of love in dark circumstances and the nuances of identity. The novel suggests that one of the biggest challenges of embracing romance under such circumstances is finding a partner who will accept even the darkest parts of oneself, rather than ignoring those parts.

“While Sloane continues to glue her last few sections of precut cloth, I work on my own final preparations. And then I just sit back and watch my Blackbird, no longer wielding her art in monochrome, but in vibrant Technicolor.

When she’s done, she stands back and surveys her canvas behind the body. The three layers of her web are mixed with bursts of color. Hues of jeweled greens in one layer. Blues in another. Reds and purples in the last, each one meticulously dyed by her own hand. It’s a stunning installation that radiates like panes of stained glass from the suspended body, his arms and legs outstretched. Rigging him up from the walls and ceiling has been my biggest contribution, aside from slicing off a few choice pieces of flesh for Sloane’s skin ornaments that she’s sewn within the layers of filament and muslin. But the art? That’s all her.”

This quote complicates the ethics of vigilante justice and is one of the many passages where Rowan compares Sloane’s crime scenes to “art.” Calling the webs “beautiful” suggests that Sloane’s murders themselves are “beautiful,” because she suspends pieces of her victims’ corpses in the webs, and therefore could not have made the webs without first committing the murders. Rowan would not think the webs were beautiful if Sloane were killing innocent people and only finds them beautiful because she kills villains. Nevertheless, making art out of human bodies is itself macabre and points to the traits Sloane has in common with her victims.