Breathe and Count Back from Ten

Verónica texts Alex and wonders why he hasn’t asked about the auditions. Instead, he pings her his location. Verónica hopes to celebrate with Alex and have him respond to the good news with the same excitement as Leslie and Dani. She finds him in a storage unit rummaging through countless boxes and clearly frustrated. Alex explains that his mother brought all of this stuff from their much larger house in Texas, and he has now been tasked with going through it on his own. Verónica is hurt that Alex doesn’t ask about the audition and tries to hint at it. After she prompts him, he finally asks about the audition, and she tells him she got the job. Alex is withdrawn, and his response is muted—nothing like what Verónica was expecting. She tries to be patient and understand why he’s suddenly not himself. Verónica notices a stack of self-help books, and Alex explains that his parents bought them a few years ago when he first struggled with depression. They also took him on a road trip, but neither the books nor the change of scenery helped. Alex knew he was depressed and his demand for “real help” caused more fighting between his parents. Now, he sees a therapist and takes medication and is able to navigate his depression without being overwhelmed by it. He and Verónica relate over their shared sense of a lack of control over their own bodies; for Alex, it is his mind, and for Verónica, it is her body, particularly during surgery.

Verónica waits for her parents to be in a good mood and then tells them she got a job working in the business department at Mermaid Cove. Her parents, suspicious and questioning at first, believe her story and congratulate her. Verónica is relieved that her plan worked but feels guilty at how easy it was to lie to them. All she had to do was convince them she was doing what they wanted her to do. Verónica’s mother takes her to the locked fireproof box where she keeps all of their precious papers, including Verónica’s social security card. She gives it to Verónica in a moment of trust and hope. Afterward, Verónica forges her mother’s signature to sign the waiver, telling herself, “I am only lying to protect you” (214) and thinking about how her parents lied to her about her hip. She compares the partial lies to anesthesia and the “partial death” that one experiences while under it.

Verónica walks into her first day on the job to gasps and stares and questions. She is introduced to the team, including Val, Geoff, and Hallie, who all seem close and tease one another. They all express their relief at Verónica covering for the injured mermaid, and all Verónica can think about is whether her parents are going to catch her. Some of the team members go into the water to practice individual routines for a new showcase that Barb (the director) is planning to help bring audiences back to the cove. Mermaids will each have a chance to show off unique numbers that they create themselves. Lila notes how the outdated theater hasn’t been renovated in decades. She whispers to Verónica that Barb also refused to hire any mermaids who weren’t white until recent years. Verónica asks if she could do a showcase. Lila doesn’t see why she couldn’t, as long as Barb agrees.

Verónica stays behind with Lila to learn to use the air hoses, swim through the tube that leads to the cove, and get used to the depths of the cove itself. Verónica notices all the mermaid tails hanging unworn and finds the sight sort of sad. She practices using the air hose above water for almost an hour, and then Lila takes Verónica through the long underwater tube that leads from the dressing room to the cove. Lila shows Verónica the hidden tank for changing and waiting between shows, and then Verónica practices diving into the water and using the air hose. She is floored by the beauty of the springs and the deep, engulfing darkness of the deep water. Verónica swims well, but she gasps for air when she comes back up after a deep dive. Lila tells her she needs to maintain the illusion of being a mermaid and not needing air, and Verónica can’t help feeling that the request is unnatural. She thinks of her own life and how she always has had to keep up the illusion of not needing help. She believes that people’s needs are what make them human and shouldn’t be hidden.

Over the next week, Verónica is given a crash course in choreography, makeup, seeing underwater, smiling, and interacting with guests. She is surprised by how much time is spent practicing on land, but the water is cold and people can stay under for only about 30 minutes before risking hypothermia. Everyone is preparing for an upcoming 25-minute show, and it will be Verónica’s first show. Most of the crew is friendly, but Verónica has a hard time reading Hallie or knowing if she likes her or not. When Geoff invites Verónica and her friends to a party, Verónica is hopeful that it’s a sign she is finally accepted at the cove.

When Verónica, Leslie, and Alex arrive at Geoff’s apartment, most of the other swimmers are already there. They drink, talk, and hang out, and discuss which sea creature they identify with most. Lila suggests that Verónica should be a starfish because she stretches her arms and legs after performing moves, and everyone agrees. Geoff suggests the name Sea Star instead, and Verónica loves the fact that she is being given a nickname. Geoff complains that Barb won’t let him wear a tail because he’s a man, and Verónica tells him that she thinks he would be great as a merperson. That night, Verónica starts writing her mermaid origin story, talking about how calcium from ancient stars came to make the land that is Florida, and eventually “a daughter in its image” (243).

Verónica and Leslie hang out the next morning, and Leslie paints Verónica’s toenails. Leslie is clearly hungover, and when she casually asks Verónica about Alex, Verónica panics, knowing Mami is upstairs. Verónica tries to hush Leslie but fears her mother has heard. Sure enough, when Leslie leaves, Mami comes outside and offers to braid Verónica’s hair. When her mother asks about her work, Verónica tells her that work is slow but good. She asks Mami to tell her the story of Huacachina again. Huacachina, says Mami, was a woman who lost her lover, and her tears of grief created an oasis in the desert. Hiding from hunters one day, she climbed into the water and didn’t come out; as a result, she became a mermaid. Men who approach are lured by her weeping. Verónica thinks about how the story romanticizes the pain and loneliness of the woman. When her mother mentions young love, Verónica wonders if she heard Leslie mention Alex. When Mami comments on how Verónica’s hair is lightening and drying out (a consequence of swimming), Verónica wonders how long she can keep up her lie.

The crew has a perfect rehearsal. It seems like they have found their groove as a unit, and everyone performs beyond their usual standard. Afterward, everyone heads to the sauna to relax and unwind. Verónica breaks the initial silence by asking what got each of them into mermaiding. Lila feels she was born to do it. Geoff admires the way mermaids are fluid in how they are defined, and Tanya credits Leslie and by default Verónica for getting her into it. Val says she was inspired by The Little Mermaid movie and sparks a conversation about how Barb hates it, as it makes the cove look like a copycat. The group discusses the dark side of the written version next, and Verónica is amazed that the people around her seem just as interested in mermaids and their stories as she is. Verónica mentions having an idea for a showcase, but Hallie thinks she’s too new to be capable of anything worthwhile. When Hallie pressures Verónica to reveal the reason behind her scars, Verónica tells the truth but, frustrated with Hallie’s lack of basic respect, leaves immediately afterward. Geoff follows her and tries to apologize for Hallie, adding that she’s currently angry with him for not wanting to join her showcase. Verónica asks if Geoff would be interested in joining hers instead, and excitement gleams in his eyes.