Big Blonde

“She wanted to be married. She was nearing thirty now, and she did not take the years well. She spread and softened, and her darkening hair turned her to inexpert dabblings with peroxide.”

These lines demonstrate Hazel’s realization that the passage of time has diminished her looks. Her blond hair and voluptuous figure are fading fast, and she’s concerned that her job as a model—and along with it, her financial independence—may soon end. This realization helps explain her sudden marriage to Herbie after a six-week romance.

“Wedded and relaxed, she poured her tears freely. To her who had laughed so much, crying was delicious.”

Hazel finds that in her married state, she’s free to express her bouts of sadness. Although she was occasionally known as sensitive during her “good sport” days, her outbursts were tolerated but not encouraged. Now that she’s no longer required to wear a cheerful facade, she can indulge her sad moods.

“She could not recall the definite day that she started drinking, herself. There was nothing separate about her days. Like drops upon a window-pane, they ran together and trickled away.”

This passage marks the onset of Hazel’s problem with drinking. In the past, she didn’t care much for the taste of alcohol, and she drank sparingly. However, as her marriage dissolves and her desperate efforts to revive it fail, she begins to find solace in drink.

“Somewhere in her head or her heart was the lazy, nebulous hope that things would change and she and Herbie settle suddenly into soothing married life. Here were her home, her furniture, her husband, her station. She summoned no alternatives.”

These lines reflect Hazel’s stubborn belief that her relationship with Herbie will somehow magically return to the happiness of their initial months together. She stubbornly clings to this thought, refusing to imagine a different way of life.

“She never confided her troubles about Herbie to Mrs. Martin. The subject was too bewildering to her to find comfort in talk.”

This description exemplifies the shallowness of all Hazel’s relationships. She goes through life passively accepting whatever comes her way. She doesn’t reflect internally or externally or attempt to form deep bonds with any of the men or women in her life.

“Again, she could not find a definite day, to fix the beginning of Ed’s proprietorship.”

This line further demonstrates Hazel’s passive approach to life. When she first meets Ed, she’s still living with Herbie, yet she accepts Ed’s flirtations—which are initially mild but grow increasingly bold—without objection.

“Prohibition she regarded only as a basis for jokes. You could always get what you wanted.”

Although the story takes place during Prohibition, alcohol is freely available to Hazel and her companions, who frequent private establishments, or speakeasies (like Jimmy’s), that illegally serve liquor without concern for the law. In addition, Hazel keeps a ready supply of alcohol in her apartment, indicating the ease with which she’s able to purchase it.

“The women at Jimmy’s looked remarkably alike, and this was curious, for, through feuds, removals, and opportunities of more profitable contacts, the personnel of the group changed constantly. Yet always the newcomers resembled those whom they replaced.”

This passage describes the specific type of women who frequent Jimmy’s speakeasy. They have similar characteristics, and they share the same goal: to find a “donor” who will pay their way through life. Once that goal has been achieved, they move on, only to be replaced by others.

“Then Sydney married a rich and watchful bride, and then there was Billy. No—after Sydney came Ferd, then Billy. In her haze, she never recalled how men entered her life and left it. There were no surprises. She had no thrill at their advent, nor woe at their departure.”

After Ed leaves, Hazel has several dalliances—so many that she has trouble keeping track of them. She shows little emotion as men come in and out of her life; their primary purpose seems to be their ability to support her financially.

“She was beginning to feel towards alcohol a little puzzled distrust, as toward an old friend who has refused a simple favor.”

This line reveals Hazel’s growing inability to find relief from alcohol. In the past, she could squelch unpleasant realities and live her life in a perpetual, alcohol-tinged haze. Without her old friend alcohol, she feels betrayed.

“She dreamed by day of never again putting on tight shoes, of never having to laugh and listen and admire, of never more being a good sport. Never.”

Hazel has begun to see death by suicide as the only way out of a life that has become unbearable. She realizes how sick she is of the charade she has played most of her life, dressing and acting in ways that please her male admirers and always being a “good sport.”

“Then she took the two little vials from the drawer and carried them into the bathroom. The splintering misery had gone from her, and she felt the quick excitement of one who is about to receive an anticipated gift.”

These lines demonstrate a rare moment of excitement in Hazel’s life—ironically, as she prepares to consume a lethal dose of veronal, a “gift” that will deliver her from the pain of her existence. She treats the vials almost as if they’re sacred talismans, the contents of which will deliver her from the pain of her existence.

“Misery crushed her as if she were between great smooth stones. There passed before her a slow, slow pageant of days spent living in her flat, of evenings at Jimmy’s being a good sport, making herself laugh and coo at Art and other Arts.”

Deeply disappointed to find herself awake—and alive—Hazel foresees a future of endless days of misery. She’ll continue her charade of being a “good sport,” alongside Art or the next man who replaces him.