Awkward

The graphic novel opens with Peppi’s first day at Berrybrook. Many children in primary and secondary school change schools for a variety of reasons, both personal and logistical. Moving schools can be a stressful time, disrupting stability and socialization as young people leave familiar and safe spaces and must acclimate to a new social atmosphere. This can sometimes be easier for younger children, who have not yet developed the hyper-self-consciousness characteristic of teens and pre-teens. On her first day, Peppi calls herself “a total outsider” (5). She perceives herself to be different from the people around her. Harvard University psychologist Leah Somerville has found that teens and preteens experience heightened emotional, physiological, and neutral reactions when they believe or anticipate that they are being watched (Somerville, Leah H., et al. “The Medial Prefrontal Cortex and the Emergence of Self-Conscious Emotion in Adolescence.” Psychological Science, vol. 24., no. 8, 2013). Being watched is precisely what Peppi fears on her first day—a concern that works against her need for belonging and plays into the theme of The Importance of Academic Community. She says, “Cardinal rule #1 for surviving school: don’t get noticed by the mean kids” (6). She fears being observed by peers who might make fun of her.

Accompanying illustrations show Peppi turning bright red, clutching her backpack, and closing her eyes tightly. This body language conveys her embarrassment. Chapter 1 establishes Peppi as a character who is prone to shyness and embarrassment. Even weeks later, when Peppi has made friends with her art club, she is too embarrassed to speak up in front of them. When Maribella is taking ideas for how their club can be more active in school, Peppi whispers that they can contribute to the newspaper. When club members ask her to speak up. Peppi shuts down. She thinks, “E-everyone’s looking at meeee…Do. Not. Like” (29), but only says, “It’s nothing. It’s stupid” (30). In the illustrations, her shoulders are hunched inward, her hands are on her lap, and she has illustrated sweat drops on her face, conveying her stress at being the center of attention. Even among friends, Peppi fears being judged and observed.

Other psychological experiments also found that being or even anticipating being watched makes teen and preteens exhibit outsized physical reactions, in the hopes of achieving the reward of no longer being the object of scrutiny (Bamford, Ian J. and Nigel S. Bamford. “The Striatum’s Role in Executing Rational and Irrational Economic Behaviors.” Neuroscientist, vol. 25, no. 5, 2019, pp. 475-490). When Peppi drops her things on the first day of school and Jaime helps her, the “mean kids” start calling her a “nerder girlfriend” (6). The illustrations depict students pointing at her and laughing. Peppi is immediately compelled to both get away from this situation and to stop people from thinking she’s a “nerder girlfriend.” She shoves Jaime away, knocking him to the ground to distance herself as much as possible from the other object of the mean kids’ scorn. While she hopes to get away from an embarrassing situation, Peppi is tormented by guilt for weeks for pushing Jaime.

It is important to think about Peppi’s actions within the context of these recent psychological findings because they overturn previous assumptions about juvenile behavior. Rather the blaming extreme or impulsive behavior in teens and preteens on immature brains, it is important to consider the real mental and psychological processes that underwrite juvenile behavior in stressful social situations. Peppi does not shove Jaime on a cruel or immature whim; rather, in that moment, her brain determines that this is the best way out of an acutely stressful social situation. Shoving Jaime and the guilt Peppi experiences afterward are the inciting events that propel the rest of the graphic novel’s plot, which revolves around acknowledging and rectifying wrongdoing—Apologizing for Our Mistakes.