Ask Not: The Kennedys and the Women They Destroyed

“John didn’t live in the real world, and never had; he lived on Planet Kennedy, where he was king, and his main experience was a feedback loop of awe at his looks, his lineage, his fame, his politeness.”

This quote about John F. Kennedy, Jr., and his ill-advised business endeavors in the 1990s illustrates his total unpreparedness for reality. His inability to understand his own shortcomings foreshadows the main tragedy of the Kennedy men throughout the narrative.

“She never once asked if she had been hit. She never asked if any of the blood was hers. She never flinched from the sheer carnage in that back seat. Her only concern was Jack. He had to know he wasn’t going to die alone.”

This passage showcases the total selfless devotion expected of Jackie Kennedy, despite her husband’s careless disregard for her feelings and well-being. Despite the power imbalance, Jackie and John F. Kennedy, Sr., were deeply in love, and Jackie took major steps to defend his legacy after the assassination.

“For Jack and Old Joe, that level of refinement was Jackie’s superpower. Their only concern was whether the average American woman was ready for a First Lady like her. Would such a young beauty, a well-traveled sophisticate, become a symbol of aspiration or aspersion?”

This quote shows how calculating the Kennedy family could be in contemplating a new addition to its ranks. The Kennedys judged Jackie’s personality and qualities solely through the framework of how they affected John Sr.’s electability.

“She was too young and inexperienced to wonder even further, to ask herself if the president, despite his compulsivity, even liked sex all that much, or liked women all that much. He only ever really came alive, in a sustained way, in the company of men. She was too much in the throes of hero worship to ever wonder if he found sex dirty. If he found women dirty.”

This quote lays bare the psychological shortcomings of John Sr., which were visible even to young women eager to forgive him for anything. His unconscious learned misogyny led him to use, abuse, and discard women without even reflecting on the morality of his actions.

“Marilyn Monroe was the world’s biggest sex goddess when she met Jack Kennedy, the rising star of the United States Senate. It was the summer of 1954 in Los Angeles, Jack’s favorite place for what he called his hunting expeditions—and Marilyn was his latest prey.”

This quote sets the stage for the tragedy of John Sr. and Marilyn Monroe’s relationship. These two vulnerable, damaged people found each other at a crucial time in both their lives. However, Marilyn was looking for love, respect, and support, and John was looking for a conquest. This ultimately contributed to Marilyn’s downward spiral and death.

“‘I’m so content here,’ Bobby wrote of prison. ‘I have to say it. There’s no women. I’m happy! Everybody here seems happy. It’s not misogyny. It’s the opposite! I love them too much.’ Not misogyny? Could have fooled Mary.”

This quote showcases the generational misogyny (disguised as more innocent “womanizing”) that has plagued the men of the Kennedy clan. The misogynist idea of women being responsible for men’s emotions and actions seems to form most of Robert Jr.’s understanding of gender relations.

“Rose took Kick’s death as proof that she had been right. God had struck down her daughter—the sinner, the sexual savage. Rose flat-out refused to attend Kick’s funeral and said Kick would be denied heaven and stuck in purgatory.”

Hypocrisy is the main thrust of this quote. Rose, the matriarch of the Kennedys, disapproved of her daughter’s relationship choices and punished her by disowning her, while she never saying a word about her husband’s or sons’ staggering array of sexual indiscretions. Additionally, cruelly cutting her daughter out of her life apparently didn’t register to her as un-Christian, though marrying outside their religion did.

“They didn’t know that John Farrar, the diver who pulled her body out of the car, quickly determined that she’d probably lived for at least an hour after the crash, and that had Ted gotten help, Mary Jo could have been saved. Or that later, Farrar would describe Mary Jo as having been alone in the dark water, ‘re-breathing her own air,’ the oxygen turning to carbon dioxide, her ‘emotional trauma’ overwhelming.”

This quote shows Callahan’s talent for creating vivid, terrifying imagery. She describes Mary Jo Kopechne’s death in heartbreaking terms, and readers can easily imagine themselves in that nightmare and feel her terror.

“Mary Jo had been a week away from turning twenty-nine. In the Kennedy version, Mary Jo died a temptress, a seductress, a slut, and a groupie. In all likelihood, she died a virgin.”

This quote demonstrates the Kennedy media machine at work. Without missing a beat, the Kennedys tried to salvage Ted Kennedy’s reputation by painting Mary Jo as a sexual aggressor who tempted Ted into tragedy. The result smeared the name of a woman who dedicated her life to serving the Kennedy family’s interest.

“The thinking went, if a woman as good as Joan loved and stood by Ted Kennedy, how bad could he be? The answer, as those on the inside knew, was simple: Ted was worse than anyone could imagine.”

The Kennedys used women as political props to either lionize or excuse the Kennedy men. They used both Joan and Mary Jo to make Ted seem more human and relatable in the wake of his despicable actions. Adding insult to injury, women were expected to excuse his cruel treatment of women.

“Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy, dignity her most prized possession, was barefoot and barely dressed in a hospital gown, her husband nowhere to be found.”

Even the most celebrated Kennedy women truly were disposable. Jackie, after experiencing depression because of her husband’s neglect and infidelity, was institutionalized, implying that she, not he, was the one who needed “fixing.”

“Jackie’s inner image-maker guided her now. The Chanel suit, Jack’s blood and brains splotched and caked on her pink wool boucle, would stay on. No matter how hot the cabin was, no matter how stiff the blood or the stench of death. Only like this would she stand next to Lyndon.”

This quote displays Jackie’s formidable talent as a national icon. In the wake of her husband’s assassination, Jackie stayed loyal to him and their dreams by acting as a bloody reminder of his fate even as his vice president was sworn in. She would not let anyone convince her to change clothes for the official press pictures. She knew that the symbolism was more powerful than anything she could ever say.

“Pam didn’t say a word. Tears spilled down her face. Two weeks earlier, her whole life lay ahead of her. Now she was in a hospital bed, shivering under ice packs meant to relieve her back spasms. She would never go to the bathroom normally again. Her world would be wheelchairs and physical therapy and catheters.”

This quote exemplifies Callahan’s use of imagery. She lays bare Pamela Kelley’s cruel fate for readers, who can easily imagine themselves as this grieving, anguished teen, hoping for support from a family that would never provide it.

“There was a suggestion that Martha had brought this all on herself by playing with the affections of two teenage boys. That if Martha had only been a bit more selective—well, that night might have ended differently.”

This quote displays the staggering cruelty of the Kennedy media machine. Even a 15-year-old girl was not exempt from being called promiscuous if it suited the Kennedys. The implication that Martha Moxley somehow deserved her horrific sexual assault and murder showcases the moral bankruptcy of Kennedy media management.

“Marilyn had believed Jack when he said he would leave Jackie and marry her, that she would be First Lady for his second term. It wasn’t so crazy: Marilyn had had Jack on the hook for years. She was like a photo negative of Jackie: white-hot blonde, pure sex, a global supernova.”

This quote shows the complicated nature of John Sr.’s relationship with Marilyn. Her status as Jackie’s opposite made her desirable as a sexual partner but perhaps not as a political prop, though John was willing to tell her anything to keep her.

“Marilyn Monroe’s death was officially ruled a massive barbiturate overdose. She was thirty-six years old. Whether it was accidental or purposeful or subconscious suicide will never be known, but those who knew and loved Marilyn best, including Lawford, blamed Jack and Bobby Kennedy.”

This quote conveys the suspicious nature of Marilyn’s death. After she was shaken down by Bobby, she mysteriously died of a huge overdose. It could have been self-inflicted, but it seemed impossible that such a huge dose was accidental. Therefore, her friends and family blamed the Kennedys for either murdering her or driving her to suicide.

“Onassis was Jackie’s way out—out of the Kennedy crucible, out of being a living American saint high on a pedestal. She wanted to smash that image to bits: break it, destroy it, pulverize it.”

This quote shows how Jackie, despite her status as a beloved icon, felt smothered and paralyzed by the burden of her role as America’s grieving widow. Marriage to Aristotle Onassis, though horrifying to so many in the media, represented freedom from this constant reminder of what she had lost.

“Joe was on record as supporting Hitler’s forced sterilization plan, its number one targets those with ‘congenital mental deficiency.’ Joe called it ‘a great thing. I don’t know how the Church feels about it, but it will do away with many of the disgusting specimens…which inhabit this earth.’”

This quote reveals Joseph P. Kennedy, Sr.’s chilling opinions about people with disabilities, despite loving his daughter, Rosemary. Like many powerful men of that period, Joseph saw little wrong with Hitler’s eugenics plans, taking umbrage only at Hitler’s plans to invade other countries and conquer them.

“When it was finally over, Rosie wasn’t Rosie anymore. She would never be able to do anything again: talk, walk, swim, dance, flirt with boys, smoke cigarettes, meet future queens, accompany her father to dinner. Go to the movies. Take a shower, comb her hair, feed herself, use the toilet. She would never again go home or be one of the Kennedys. Her brain’s circuitry, like a string of Christmas lights crushed one by one, had gone dark.”

This quote displays Rosemary’s heartbreaking fate. Her father’s selfish ego-driven need for control led to the destruction of her entire personhood. Worse, she never received justice for her father’s crime: He simply hid the evidence of his misdeeds by isolating her from everyone she loved.

“His cruelty grew exponentially. The president now seemed to get off on degrading Mimi in front of other men. At a druggy party in Palm Springs at the famous entertainer Bing Crosby’s house, the president asked Mimi if she would like to try amyl nitrate, a medication sometimes used recreationally to enhance sex. She said no; she didn’t even smoke cigarettes. He took the capsule, popped it, and put it under Mimi’s nose anyway. Her heart began pounding so fast she thought she was having a heart attack. She fled in tears.”

This quote reveals John Sr.’s dark, cruel side. Though he is remembered for his charm and charisma, he often humiliated young women for fun, viewing them as disposable and cheap after successfully seducing them.

“That is a definition of happiness: ‘complete use of one’s faculties along lines leading to excellence in a life affording them scope.’ It applies to women as well as men.”

This quote describes Jackie’s definition of happiness. Notably, this definition emphasizes autonomy and intellectual potential, two aspects of human existence that society often fails to recognize in women.

“The most famous of these women have too often been recast as architects of their own demise, or as women who were asking for it, or as imminent threats to the Kennedy dynasty.”

This quote shows the enduring legacy of the Kennedy media machine: Even decades later, after so much feminist progress, women are still blamed for the ways that men treat them. This double standard, in which men receive sympathy for the shortcomings of their partner, is still quite alive today.

“These are but a few of the many examples, more than we probably know, of girls and women brutalized by Kennedy men. It’s a legacy that is very much alive: it’s infiltrated our water supply, the air we breathe. Every time a woman accuses a famous, powerful, wealthy man of sexual harassment, abuse, or rape—and when one survivor comes forward, more usually follow—tactics from the well-worn Kennedy playbook are weaponized.”

This quote points out that the stories in this book are, by necessity, a selection of relevant stories. The sheer number of Kennedy abuses against women, and the disturbing success of the Kennedys at burying them so far, hints at the huge hurdles that women face in society when it comes to being believed about the abuses of men.