83 pages • 2 hours read
Nora Raleigh BaskinA modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more. For select classroom titles, we also provide Teaching Guides with discussion and quiz questions to prompt student engagement.
Jason Blake introduces himself as a 12-year-old Autistic boy. He wants to tell his story in a way that neurotypical people (NTs) will understand, so he speaks in the first person and describes what he knows other people say about him—that he is weird and flaps his hands around a lot. After being diagnosed in third grade, he had a one-on-one aide attend school with him. Now, however, he is a sixth grader and going it alone. Jason can focus on single letters in a word and become so focused that he disconnects from his body. He is mostly silent around other people, and this inability to express himself through speaking makes school hard for him.
In library class, when another student occupies his favorite computer and refuses to accommodate him by moving, Jason grows frustrated, but can’t explain what is so upsetting. The librarian, Miss Leno, puts her hands on his shoulders and pushes him to an open computer. He knows she means well, but her touch is agonizing. Recalling a phrase his aide taught him for situations like this, he manages to say, “I am ok just as I am” (5). However, he is so fixated on getting onto that specific computer that he can’t stop himself from moving uncomfortably close to the girl, so that everyone will know he is next in line. She calls him gross for breathing so close to her. As Miss Leno keeps touching Jason and telling him to calm down, he begins to rock back and forth to soothe himself and feels as if he will explode.
In his internet research on writing good plots, Jason reads about a man who says there are only seven plots. This sounds neurotypical to Jason, who experiences all plots in the same way: “stuff happens” (10).
Back in the library, Jason’s only friend at school, Aaron Miller, convinces the girl to get off the computer that Jason wants. Aaron always sticks up for Jason and calls Jason “Jay-man,” even if they don’t hang out anymore or go to each other’s houses. Jason knows he should look at Aaron, smile, and say thank you, but he cannot make his body do it. Instead, Jason logs onto Storyboard, the website he uses to publish his stories. He wants to know if anyone has posted a comment to his latest post. He can feel Miss Leno standing near him, expecting something of him that he can’t ascertain. She angrily tells him that he should show more appreciation for his friend Aaron. Jason thinks appreciation can’t be shown, because it is an emotion, and notes that people think if you don’t express your feelings in the same way they do then “you must not feel anything at all” (14).
Every morning when Jason wakes up, a random word pops into his head and he can’t get rid of it. Today the word is “confluence,” and he thinks about the word as he looks at himself in the mirror, noticing that if he stands completely still he can appear neurotypical, handsome even. He compares himself to a leaf floating on the water, with no control over his life, only lucky days. His father, a sports transcriptionist, says that based on how many sports games he has watched, there is “no such thing as luck” (16). Jason describes his mother as a person who really wants to help him, but also wants to fix him so he is more like her. He notices that she is very unhappy a lot of the time. She alternates between trying to fix Jason and figuring out what caused his autism. He concludes that autism is just a part of who he is.
In the library, Jason finally logs on to Storyboard. Most of the stories on the site are fan fiction, but he likes to write original material. He has received two comments on his latest story about a man with a tumor on his throat that prevents him from speaking. Because he doesn’t speak, people assume he is stupid. Two people have commented on his story, but he decides to save reading the second comment, from PhoenixBird, for when he gets home.
Jason describes his nine-year-old brother Jeremy as “a typical neurotypical” (21); still, Jeremy has quirks like being afraid of bananas, wearing sandals, and not wanting his food to touch on the plate. Their parents think Jeremy learned these strange behaviors from his autistic brother, though Jason knows otherwise. Jason sees the truth about people through his keen observations.
When Jeremy was a baby, adults were afraid that Jason would harm Jeremy, so they didn’t leave them alone together and rarely let Jason hold Jeremy. Jason’s grandmother really doesn’t understand him, and speaks very loudly to him as if he were deaf. He first learned what a lie is when his brother was born: His grandmother told him he was a good brother and loved Jeremy very much, even though at the time, Jason did not love the screaming newborn and said so matter-of-factly. His grandmother was not pleased with him. He still doesn’t like her much.
After school, Jason is in his room at his computer. Jeremy stands behind him, biting his nails, and asks if Jason is going to check his email. Jason remarks on how easy it is to be with Jeremy, and how they can communicate without words. The sound of Jeremy’s nail-biting causes Jason to start flapping his hands around his ears; Jeremy apologizes and stops right away.
Jeremy tells Jason that he is “the best writer in the whole world […] I bet a hundred million people read your story and you are going to be a famous writer when you grow up” (28). It’s hard for Jason to grasp why Jeremy and other NTs talk so much and say things they don’t really mean. Jason logs in and reads the comment from PhoenixBird. She says that his story is beautiful and that she is on her way to cheerleading practice. Jeremy notices that Jason’s body goes completely still when he reads this message, something that doesn’t happen very often. Jason is stunned to realize that he has just received his first nice message from a girl.
Jason must work constantly to fit into the neurotypical world. Because of the importance of communication, Jason struggles to connect with neurotypicals. The book he is writing becomes his only means of communicating his experience to others. His writing is critical for him to connect to and develop relationships with people. Without his writing, he is voiceless.
Jason is rigidly and repetitively fixated on letters in part because he is autistic, and in part, because mastering letters allows him to express his voice. Jason’s fixation on letters is particularly important because he is so often defined and limited by letters: ASD, SED. He is reclaiming language by obsessing over letters and mastering their power. Identifying as a boy who writes, rather than just an autistic boy, he writes this story because “when I write, I can be heard. And known” (3). This desire to be known contradicts Jason’s outward behavior, which makes it seem like he doesn’t want to talk to or interact with people. Through Jason’s first-person narration, the novel offers a window into the experience of an autistic person, giving the reader an opportunity to re-think the assumptions we make about people based on the way they appear, as well as highlighting the importance of listening to the voices of the voiceless.
Jason often reflects on the differences between kindergarten and the sixth grade: In kindergarten, “nobody was very good at anything […] and a lot of kids did weird things and didn’t know enough to hide them” (10). He believes that while everyone else learned to hide this weirdness, he didn’t—and that’s why he can’t fit in. Jason doesn’t understand what is really preventing friendships from forming is his inability to accept himself that keeps a wall between him and people that are genuinely interested in him. Even though Aaron Miller, a friend from kindergarten, is still kind to Jason, eating lunch with and standing up for him, Jason says they aren’t really friends because they don’t do the same things they used to, like going to each other’s houses after school.