An Anonymous Girl: A Novel

Jessica, a makeup artist, finishes off her workday on Friday, November 16, as she answers her last call from two college girls. Jessica, who is 28, notes that her job allows her to transform women, but only temporarily. On the way to the appointment, she gets a call from her mother, who happily announces that Jessica’s younger sister, Becky, zipped her own jacket. At 22 years old, Jessica’s sister needs care for life due to a brain injury she sustained as a child. Jessica feels guilty that she isn’t around her family in Pennsylvania more often but is also grateful to be in New York, away from that stress.

Jessica arrives and does the girls’ makeup as she listens to them talk about their night. One of the clients, Taylor, gets a voicemail about a psychological study she was supposed to participate in the following day—a study that promises to pay $500. She tells her friend that she plans not to attend, and Jessica listens to the voicemail a second time while the girls are in the bathroom. She decides to go to the study herself in Taylor’s place.

When she arrives at the building the next day, she is met by an assistant, Ben Quick, and makes up a story about being the girl’s replacement. She is deemed Subject 52, and Dr. Shields allows her to participate. She wonders how it could possibly be this simple.

Dr. Shields observes Jessica as she enters the test room and sits down in front of a large screen. The therapist narrates in the second person, describing Jessica’s movements and thoughts: “Maybe your instincts are telling you to leave without starting” (17). She seems to know that Jessica lied about being a replacement for the survey. The screen instructs Jessica to be truthful, to avoid self-editing, and to maintain confidentiality regarding the experiment, which concerns morality and ethics. She is to complete a series of questions and provide honest, instinctive answers. When the first question appears on the screen, she stares at it and hesitates but then begins typing.

Jessica stares at the first question, wondering if Dr. Shields knows she lied about being a replacement. The question asks if she could lie without guilt, and she types an explanation about her job as a makeup artist and how she lies to flatter people all the time. The next question asks about a time she cheated, and Jessica describes a time she cheated on a spelling test in grade school. Dr. Shields begins communicating with Jessica through the screen, urging her to be more instinctive and deeper in her responses. Jessica admits to being an “accessory” to cheating, as she has ignored signs that previous one-night stands were involved with other women. She also admits to paying for her sister’s medical bills but not telling her parents. When asked if she would ever give up plans with a friend for something better, Jessica admits that she can’t afford to turn down work and that she left college after two years of struggling with debt and never having enough money. Jessica starts to picture Dr. Shields (who she thinks is a man) and feel comforted by the therapist’s responses. When asked if she has ever hurt anyone she loves, Jessica finds it difficult to answer and thinks about her sister, whom she avoids seeing because watching her struggle is difficult. When the session is over, she finds it difficult to leave and jarring to be back in the ordinary world again.

Dr. Shields notes her observations about Jessica during her first test. She describes her decision to lie to get into an experiment on morality as ironic and notes the contrast between her need to help her sister from a distance and her simultaneous admission that she allows herself to get involved with men in relationships. Dr. Shields also notes that Jessica’s moral code seems to be directly related to money, as many of her answers revolve around work and her need to earn money. Dr. Shields finds Jessica’s hesitation in answering the question about whether she has ever seriously hurt anyone she loves the most intriguing.

At home, Jessica writes a check for her sister’s occupational therapist. She looks back on the session with Dr. Shields and feels comforted by having been honest with someone about paying her sister’s bills without her parents knowing. Jessica meets her friend Lizzie at a lounge, and when Lizzie asks about her day, Jessica realizes she can’t tell her anything about what happened. When Lizzie invites Jessica to a party with her theater friends, Jessica lies and says she’s tired. Jessica met Lizzie backstage at a theater years before and doesn’t want to rehash that phase of her life. Jessica originally came to New York to pursue a dream of working as a makeup artist in theater but found she enjoyed private work more. When Lizzie leaves for the party, Jessica stays behind and flirts with a man named Noah, deciding to go home with him and calling herself Taylor. Jessica wakes up at his apartment a couple of hours later and realizes all they did was kiss. She leaves before he knows she’s gone.

Dr. Shields watches as Jessica enters her next session the following morning. Jessica seems calmer and more comfortable than the first day and answers questions with ease. When asked about the last time she was unfair, Jessica describes how she left Noah after falling asleep at his place, not telling him that she was leaving. She admits that she didn’t feel guilty at the time; it was only looking back during the current session that she started to feel bad for leaving that way. She questions if the experiment is making her “more moral,” and Dr. Shields hints at another participant called Subject 5, who was like Jessica but whose end result was “heartbreaking.”

It is Wednesday, November 21, and Jessica notices that “moral questions lurk everywhere” in small events that occur during her day (43). Jessica takes a bus to her parents’ house and sees her father, who appears weary but happy to see her. Jessica loves her parents but feels distant from them and like she has to keep her stresses hidden from them because they already have enough to deal with. Jessica notices that her parents seem out of sorts; her father is smoking more, her mother is drinking more, and they don’t plan to take their usual trip to Florida. Jessica’s father reveals that his work was bought out and that they are living off of limited funds.

That night, Jessica feels disturbed as her mother tells Becky she can move to New York on her own someday, knowing that Becky can never be without care. She wonders about the ethics of giving Becky false hope. Jessica receives a text from Dr. Shields asking her to come in for another session. She agrees, curious to know what is coming next and eager to make more money.

Dr. Shields notices that Jessica appears more confident than ever as she answers her first question about whether she would tell a friend if she knew her fiancé was cheating. Jessica reveals that she believes a man who cheats once will cheat again, indicating that she doesn’t believe people with poor moral character can change. Dr. Shields thinks back to Jessica’s first two sessions and her confession of sleeping with men in relationships. She takes a risk and asks Jessica if she would be interested in expanding the study for more money, and after a long inner debate, Jessica agrees.

Jessica reflects on her third session and wonders what might happen next, noting the ominous tone of Dr. Shields’s request. She recalls two questions she was asked, including one about whether punishments should fit the crime and another about whether victims deserve to take revenge. After walking her dog, Leo, Jessica realizes that Dr. Shields knows far more about her than she does about the therapist and decides to do some research. She comes across some photos and finds out that Dr. Shields is in fact a woman, not a man as Jessica had pictured. Dr. Shields seems to exude confidence and elegance, and Jessica suddenly feels embarrassed by all of her confessions but reminds herself that Dr. Shields did not seem judgmental. Jessica shows up at Dr. Shields’s university class and follows her out of the building and to a nearby restaurant. She observes the way Dr. Shields walks and watches as she drinks wine in a romantic restaurant. Feeling as though she crossed a line by stalking Dr. Shields, Jessica leaves.