Almost American Girl

“Robin: […] I don’t want to live here! I want to go back to Korea!’

Robin’s mom: ‘Calm down and listen to me! America is a better country than Korea, and someday you’ll like it here. I know it’ll be tough for now, but it will get better…’

Robin: ‘What do you mean?? What about my friends? My things and my comics?’”

Robin’s mother breaks the news to her that they are not leaving the United States. In the 1990s, there was no or limited internet access in most homes and long-distance calling options to stay in touch internationally were expensive. Their move denotes complete social and cultural isolation for Robin. Her main worries are about her comics, which guide her interests and identity, and her friends who she shares these stories and interests with. Robin believes in The Power of Stories in Shaping Identity, and without them she fears she will be isolated and unmoored.

“Robin: ‘How could you just give [the birds] back without telling me? I didn’t even get to say goodbye!’

Robin’s mom: ‘What the point? They’re not coming back. I’d rather see you studying than cleaning the birdcage. Stop crying and go do your homework.’”

Robin’s mother thinks she is making decisions in Robin’s and their family’s best interest. However, these decisions sometimes feel cruel to Robin, who is subsequently deprived of autonomy in determining her own future. In this scene, she is upset because her mother gives away her pet birds without her permission. The Stress and Strength of Mother/Daughter Relationships is tested in these instances, when her mother does what she thinks is best without considering Robin’s feelings.

“I thought nothing bad could ever happen to me as long as my mom was with me. Boy, was I wrong about that...”

Robin and her mother have an extremely strong relationship. Robin’s complete trust in her mother is reflected in her childhood belief that “nothing bad could ever happen to [her]” with her mom protecting her. Throughout the memoir, she will realize she is “wrong about that” because there are many experiences, such as racism and isolation, that Robin will have to learn to navigate largely on her own as a part of growing up.

“No kid ever forgot my name. It was like a curse that followed me everywhere. But in America, I could finally get rid of this terrible name. This was my chance to start my life all over again with a new identity! Things like this only happened in movies and comic books, and now it was happening to me. No one knows her past. No one knows her name. She is a mystery.”

Robin thinks that with a new name, she can present a new version of herself and write herself a new story. This is one of the only upsides she sees in her new country. Robin has always relied on stories as a source of identification, so to her, choosing a new name is like choosing a new story for herself—and, therefore, a new identity.

“Robin [thinking]: ‘Why did he bump into me? And why is he doing that to his eyes?’

This was my first encounter with racism. In a way my lack of English was a blessing because these racist taunts had no meaning for me yet.”

Bryan directs racist actions and words toward Robin. In Korea, she did not face racialized mockery, but she knows the experience of not feeling “normal.” Even though Robin does not speak enough English to understand exactly what is racist about Bryan’s words and actions, she still understands that they are meant to mock her. Encounters like these contribute to Robin’s linguistic alienation and lack of confidence.

“I’ve always known that people pick on others just for being different. Back in Korea, when I was little…I didn’t notice anything wrong with my family. Mom gave me everything I needed. I thought my life was great. I was completely unaware of the outside world […] I was too young to understand just how rigid Korean society could be.”

Bryan’s mockery reminds Robin of being judged for her family as a child. There are Cultural Differences in Prejudice and Social Norms between the United States and Korea. While people’s racism and xenophobia contribute toward her alienation in the United States, having a single mother ostracizes her in Korea. The two countries have different stigmas and social hierarchies, but both affect Robin’s life in different ways.

“Robin’s Mom: ‘Don’t fight with turds head on. In the end you’ll be covered in them and it won’t matter who started it. Ignore them and study hard! Don’t waste your time caring about what they think. You have the power to achieve anything you want. Draw! Draw! Draw! Study! Study! Study! Help others in need! Always do your best and everything will be ok.’”

Robin details how her mother dealt with people’s judgment. As Robin learns from her mother, she imagines herself as a video game character. Accompanying illustrations show her mother in a karate gi and black obi: a white uniform and black belt. Robin is in a matching gi, with a white apprentice’s obi. Each sentence Robin’s mother speaks is accompanied by a small illustration of Robin acquiring various life skills based on her mother’s advice. After these illustrations is a larger picture of Robin, now in a black obi of her own, with the golden words: “Level Up” (77). Despite Robin’s occasional frustration toward her mother, her mother supports her schooling and passions and empowers Robin to be a strong and empathetic woman.

“The only person I connected with at school was Mrs. Halls, my English teacher. She knew that eighth-grade English would be too hard for me. So she told me that we could write to each other in a journal instead. She also brought me children’s books to read. It took me an hour to read one children’s book because I had to look up every other word in the dictionary.

Robin [thinking]: ‘Argh, a five-year-old American kid could read this faster than me.’

Mrs. Halls: ‘Good job, Robin.’

Getting Mrs. Hall’s response was the highlight of my day…even though it was hard for me to decipher what she wrote.”

Writing letters to Mrs. Halls is Robin’s first substantial communication with someone in English. Mrs. Halls is one of the only people that understand that Robin’s difficult relationship with English is not because she is “stupid,” as one of Robin’s peers will later say, but because she does not have familiarity with the language. Rather than holding Robin to an unfair standard, Mrs. Halls develops a special curriculum designed for Robin’s needs.

“Robin: ‘Umm, the band teacher said something today about wearing our band uniform next Tuesday. What’s happening on Tuesday?’

Ashley: ‘I have no idea.’

She always answered my questions with a smirk, which made me wonder if she was telling me the truth.”

Robin’s stepcousin Ashley lies to Robin and omits information when translating English into Korean, even though her family has tasked her with helping Robin. Robin’s linguistic alienation even encompasses her Korean stepfamily. They are more removed from Korean culture and language than Robin is. For unknown reasons, Ashley finds it unfair and oppressive to translate for Robin and purposefully misleads her. This demonstrates how alienation can sometimes come from within one’s own community as well as from without.

“I couldn’t think of a comeback quick enough.

Robin: ‘No…’

Sarah: ‘She’s not deaf. She just doesn’t understand English well.’

Classmate: ‘Well, she must be stupid then.’

Sarah: ‘She just moved here from Korea, you idiot! [Gibberish] her again, and I’ll shut your mouth!”

Robin’s classmate equates her lack of knowledge of the English language with a lack of intelligence. This is another example of the racism and isolation Robin experiences when first living in the United States. Sarah’s intervention in the dispute foreshadows the interpersonal connections Robin will later form once her confidence grows.

“Princess Eshika: ‘Hey, Chuna! Where have you been? I thought you had forgotten about us.’

Robin: ‘Eshika, I could never. I can do anything as long as you guys are with me!’

Princess Eshika: ‘As long as you need us, we’ll always be with you.’

Robin: ‘You promise?’

Princess Eshika: ‘Yes, we promise.’”

Robin’s relationship to stories helps shape who she is as a person. Receiving her comics makes her feel comfortable again. Her comics, their characters, and the lessons they provide are always there as either an escape or a way to make sense of real life when Robin needs them, helping her to acclimate to her new life as an immigrant.

“Robin’s step-aunt: ‘I noticed Chuna got a new jacket? Didn’t she have something similar?’

Robin’s mom: ‘How nosy she is!’

Robin’s step-grandmother: ‘Daughter-in-law, this soup is too salty.’

Robin’s mom: ‘I left Korea so I wouldn’t have to deal with this kind of crap!’”

Robin’s mother begins to realize that in her current marriage, she is doomed to repeat the same social pressures she faced in Korea. She is expected to acquiesce to and serve her husband, like her new sister-in-law does. Robin’s mother has always prioritized what was best for her and Robin and so conflict bubbles up between the two families, leading to their eventual escape to Virginia.

“Robin: ‘You always force me to do what you want. You never listen to me!’

Robin’s mom: ‘What is so bad about playing for your family? You need to learn to be more confident!’

Robin: ‘I am sorry that I am such a disappointment.’

Robin’s mom: ‘Must you cry over every little thing? Look at Lena. She never cries!’

Robin: ‘I don’t even cry half the time that I want to!’”

This exchange demonstrates one of the conflicts between Robin and her mother. Robin’s mom cannot understand why Robin struggles with performing on the piano for her stepfamily, leading to a dispute in which both mother and daughter lash out at each other. Learning to understand one another’s emotional responses and points of view will be an important turning-point for both of them later in the memoir.

“I especially couldn’t stand how single mothers were portrayed in the media. They were always either evil mistresses or helpless victims—nothing like my mom. In Korea, it is common for single mothers to be disowned by their family.

Robin’s Maternal Family: ‘You’re a bad example to my children.’

My mom didn’t keep in touch with most of her relatives.”

The Power of Stories in Shaping Identity can be both positive and negative. Negative stories about a certain type of person or demographic group can negatively affect how people see that demographic, as is the case here, when Robin’s mother faces social stigma and familial ostracization due to having a child when unmarried.

“Robin’s mom: ‘I have never brought an envelope to any of Chuna’s previous teachers and I never will, so don’t hold your breath. Excuse me.’

Robin’s teacher: ‘How disrespectful!’

No one openly talked about this bribery tradition in Korea, but many teachers expected and accepted bribes from parents. After that, my teacher made it her mission to make my life miserable to teach Mom a lesson.”

Though the main social structure Robin’s mother pushes back against is gendered expectations for women, she also pushes back on other Korean traditions she sees as unfair. Here, Robin’s mother defies the norm of giving gifts to teachers, calling it “bribery.” As a result, Robin was treated cruelly by the teacher all year.

“Jessica was half-Japanese, and she was two years older than me. She spoke fluent Japanese and was a fan of many Japanese comics I used to read back in Korea. We had so many things to talk about, from comics, art, and music, to swapping tips on new drawing tools. It was much easier to talk to Jessica because of our mutual interests.”

Robin uses shared interests like stories and comics to connect with people. In Korea, she and her friends liked the same comics and visited the comics store together after school. Robin also connects with her first friend in the United States, Jessica, because of this same shared interest.

“Robin’s step-aunt: ‘We can take care of the girls here. You should go back and be with your husband.’

Robin: ‘Don’t expect me to leave my daughter behind. I am her mother.’

Robin’s step-grandmother: ‘I let him marry you even though you were a single mother because you’ve done so well for yourself in Korea. Why can’t you help my son like that? You’re gonna pay for the pain you’ve caused my son and our family!’”

This is the climax of the rising tension between Robin’s mother and her family-in-law. Ultimately, the family-in-law is an immigrant family struggling to make it in their new country. They believe that Robin’s mother’s assimilation into traditional gender roles will help them. They take out these frustrations on her when she refuses to prioritize Mr. Kim over Robin. Robin’s mother always makes her decisions for Robin’s benefit, even if those decisions make people judge her.

“I had only expected a few notes…but all of the blank pages in my yearbook were full […] Only a few months ago, I would have done anything to leave this place. But now that I am finally leaving, I see everything through rose-colored glasses.”

This quote can be interpreted two ways. On the one hand, the number of signatures in Robin’s yearbook indicates that the fears she had of classmates judging and disliking her would not have been true for most of her classmates. On the other hand, she has several scenes of being bullied by peers. Relatively few people stood up for her and no one reached out to befriend her proactively, even though their notes said they wish they knew her better. These conflicting social signals represent the difficulties in assimilating that Robin faces as a new immigrant.

“Robin’s mom: ‘I wish things weren’t this way. But they are giving me no choice.’

Robin: ‘No. Things are this way because you made them this way! I was just rebuilding my life in Alabama and you took it away from me again. Why can’t we just live like normal people?’

Robin’s mom: ‘I…I am sorry, Chuna.’

This was probably the first time Mom had apologized to me in my entire life.”

Robin and her mom have different ways of coping with their emotions. Robin is expressive and sensitive, whereas her mother is strong and stoic. This sometimes leads to communication breakdowns between them. When Robin was emotional about her mother giving away her birds or moving them, her mom told her to push through and move on. Here, for the first time, she apologizes and recognizes how difficult things have been for Robin. It is a breakthrough moment in their relationship.

“Mom didn’t show even a hint of fear or weakness, venturing out in this giant country on her own.

Robin’s mom: ‘I need you to look up the next turn on the map.’

I realized it was time for me to stop acting like a selfish child.

Robin: ‘Okay, hold on.’

I wanted to be strong for her.”

Robin gains a new perspective on her mother’s behavior in the face of difficult life events. Her mother’s strength in the face of adversity inspires Robin to meet challenges with a similar strength. Even though they have been in the United States for almost a year, this moment marks the emotional climax of the story, where they are finally free to pursue their lives in the way they want to live them.

“Meeting these kids was my first experience with different cultures from all around the world. Despite our broken English, we somehow became fast friends. We were in the same boat, trying to learn English and getting used to living in this strange land.”

Robin meets other immigrants to the United States and realizes that what made her different in Alabama does not mean she is not “normal.” In finding others going through similar struggles, Robin is able to form more interpersonal connections and starts rebuilding her life in Virginia.

“We were there for each other throughout heartaches. We shared so many new experiences together. They were my soul sisters. With these girls by my side, there was no doubt in my mind that McLean, Virginia was my home.”

Robin recounts her high school friendship with two other Korean girls from her high school, Soyoung and Minji. Before meeting more diverse groups of people in Virginia, she did not think that she had much in common with people who live in America. Once she moves to Virginia, she sees what a “melting pot” the United States can be and is able to find a community with people who share her identity. Being close friends with Soyoung and Minji finally gives Robin a supportive community who helps turn Virginia into “home.”

“Even the Korean girls I knew from the States would fit themselves into this mold when they were in Korea […]

I began to see why my mom had wanted to leave Korea.”

Returning to Korea as an adult gives Robin a new perspective on the patriarchal social system that made her mother want to leave. While she observed this system as a child, she mostly saw it through the perspective of how Korean media treated single mothers. As an adult woman in Korea, that social system now affects her personally. This gives Robin a new empathy toward her mother.