39 pages • 1 hour read
Nicole ChungAll You Can Ever Know: A Memoir
Nonfiction | Autobiography / Memoir | Adult | Published in 2018A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Part 2Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Part 2 Summary
Part 2 of All You Can Ever Know opens with Nicole petitioning Washington State for information about her birth parents via an intermediary, or “search angel.” Her adoptive parents knew Nicole wanted an updated medical history because of her pregnancy, but they were unaware that she wanted to meet her birth family.
Nicole’s desire to find her birth mother grew at the end of her first trimester, when she wanted someone who had given birth to explain the birthing process. Her husband Dan signed them up for a home birthing course to satisfy Nicole’s need for information. After the first class, Nicole chose not to obsess about potential complications or a premature birth, instead focusing on the positive aspects of impending parenthood and the empowering aspects of childbirth.
Toward the end of her second trimester, Nicole received news that her search angel had gotten her hands on her sealed adoption file. Most of contents, however, could not be shared without permission from the birth parents. Nevertheless, Nicole learned that she had a sister and a half sister, that her birth parents divorced in 1987, and that they now lived in separate states. The file also confirmed that Nicole was born two months premature, that she spent weeks in neonatal intensive care, and that her prognosis had been grim.
The file noted that Nicole’s birth parents may have wanted a son, that they worried about what their community might think if they brought home a sick child, and that they told people that Nicole had died at birth. The file also contained Nicole’s original name: Susan. Nicole wrote a letter to her birth mother telling her that she had been raised by loving parents. She thanked her mother for making the difficult decision to give her up and for the good life she had as a result. She also asked her birth mother to contact her. Nicole’s adoptive mother questioned this decision and warned Nicole not to forget who her “real” family was.
Part 2 introduces members of Nicole’s birth family, focusing on her sister, Cindy, and her half sister, Jessica. The sections are written from Cindy’s perspective. Cindy first heard about Nicole’s existence from Jessica. The sisters were shocked to learn that the sibling they thought had died at birth was alive. Cindy felt betrayed by her parents, while her husband, Rick, encouraged her to gather as much information as possible before deciding how to proceed.
To that end, Cindy called Jessica back and learned that a young woman had sent their mother a letter through an intermediary. Their mother lacked the language skills to make sense of the letter and asked Jessica to translate it. Their mother admitted to putting a child up for adoption, specifying that it was their father’s decision. The sisters wondered if their father knew about the letter. Familial relations had deteriorated over the years: Cindy no longer spoke to their mother, while Jessica was not in contact with Cindy’s father. The girls themselves lived miles apart and rarely saw each other. Cindy and Jessica decided to write to Nicole. Jessica urged Cindy to keep her message positive, but Cindy felt compelled to tell the truth about their family.
Nicole learned that her sisters believed she was dead in an email from Jessica. She also learned that her birth parents could not afford to pay for her medical bills and believed that adoption was the best solution. Jessica informed Nicole that their mother wished to speak to her on the phone. She invoked God in her email, which reminded Nicole of her adoptive parents. Jessica also told Nicole about Cindy. In the meantime, Cindy contacted her father for an explanation. He initially denied giving Nicole up for adoption, but eventually came clean.
Cindy emailed Nicole and included a picture of herself in the message. Nicole immediately saw the family resemblance and sent pictures in return. Cindy was honest about their parents’ troubled relationship, an openness that appealed to Nicole. She revealed that their father was ashamed of having put Nicole up for adoption and that he wished to speak with her. She also revealed that their mother was physically abusive toward her.
A week later, as Nicole reached full term, she called her adoptive mother, who expressed excitement about the impending birth and the developments with Nicole’s sisters. Nicole told her adoptive mother about the abuse Cindy suffered at their mother’s hands, prompting her to reassure Nicole that she was going to be a good parent. A few days later, Nicole went into labor. As she timed her contractions, she received an email from her birth father asking for forgiveness.
Part 2 Analysis
Part 2 of All You Can Ever Know presents The Intersection of Pregnancy, Motherhood, and Reunion as a central theme in Nicole’s memoir. Nicole was pregnant with her first child when she first decided to look for her birth family. The process was slow and complex, largely because her closed adoption was designed to protect the privacy of all parties. Two things prompted Nicole’s search. First, her need for an updated medical history, and second, her desire to learn about her roots.
From the time she could remember, Nicole knew she was adopted after being born two months premature. After becoming pregnant, she instantly worried about going into early labor and other pregnancy complications. She wanted reassurance from someone who had given birth, something her adoptive mother could not give her: “I had always found comfort in the known, in things I could control. But […] my own mother had never given birth. And as for the one who had—bearing a baby who was too small and fragile, like I had been, was one of my greatest fears” (129). Nicole’s concerns, alongside her desire to learn more about her heritage, led her to petition the court to unseal her adoption file via a search angel.
Adoption reverberates through families years after the fact. Nicole’s search for her birth family put her in an uncomfortable position with her adoptive parents. Initially, she did not tell her parents about wanting to connect with her birth family, instead focusing on the medical explanation for her search, further developing the theme of The Intersection of Pregnancy, Motherhood, and Reunion. Although Nicole’s adoptive parents often spoke about her adoption, the subject of her birth family was taboo: “My birth parents had long been an awkward if not quite off-limits subject between us” (126). Only after her search angel unsealed her file did Nicole tell her parents she planned to reach out to her birth family.
Nicole’s parents told her they understood her need for medical information, but Nicole could not help but recall their cautionary tales about adoptees being taken advantage of by greedy birth families. Scared of being replaced, Nicole’s mother went so far as to tell Nicole to remember who her real family was. Her mother’s fears mystified and saddened Nicole, who writes, “As if I could forget—they were the only family I’d ever known. We all knew what I owed them; it went without saying. I would not call another parent Mom or Dad. I would not replace my adoptive family with my biological one” (146). Nicole’s conflicted emotions and the delicate balancing act she had to undergo—navigating her desire for reunion with her birth family on one side and her love and gratitude for her adoptive parents on the other—speak to The Difficulties of Being a Transracial Adoptee.
These difficulties continued with Nicole’s first interactions with her birth family. Nicole agonized over what to say to her birth mother. Her first instinct was to start her letter “Dear Mom,” but she quickly changed her mind: “It still felt wrong to refer to another woman as Mom […] But the opening was a dilemma: I didn’t know her last name, or whether she went by Ms. or Mrs.” (143). It was Nicole’s half sister, Jessica, who replied to her letter. Like her adoptive parents, Jessica believed that “God had willed [Nicole’s] adoption” (156) and that reconnecting after all these years was “meant to be” (156), revisiting the theme of The Myth of Adoption.
Despite the belief that Nicole’s reappearance was divinely ordained, her existence created friction among members of her birth family. Feeling betrayed by her parents, Cindy was especially upset to learn that Nicole was alive: “They lied to us” (150), she repeated to her husband. The shift in perspective from Nicole to Cindy not only heightens the emotional impact of Cindy’s experiences, but also reveals the complications of adoption from the birth family’s point of view.
Tensions in Nicole’s birth family grew when Nicole’s birth mother blamed her ex-husband for putting Nicole up for adoption and lying to their daughters, which further eroded The Myth of Adoption: “Their mother told Jessica the adoption was her husband’s ‘fault’; that she herself had wanted to tell the daughters the truth about their sister, but he wouldn’t allow it” (152). Although Nicole was grateful for the opportunity to connect with her sisters, she felt guilt for disrupting their lives: “They might be eager to speak […] but that didn’t mean they hadn’t been shaken by their parents’ omission. And I—with my curiosity, my determined pursuit of the facts, my selfishness?—was the reason” (155). In seeking a reunion with her birth family, Nicole realized that she was also—albeit unintentionally—causing painful disruptions and reckonings for her birth siblings as well.
Nicole’s feelings toward her biological family became even more complicated after she learned that her birth mother had physically abused Cindy. Jessica asked Cindy to “keep it positive” (152) so as not to “scare [Nicole] away” (153). However, Cindy felt compelled to tell Nicole the truth about their dysfunctional family. Nicole appreciated Cindy’s openness, but knowing about the abuse tainted how she thought about her birth mother and, ultimately, hindered their relationship. The discovery of abuse and her parents’ tumultuous marriage and divorce further complicated The Myth of Adoption for Nicole, who was rapidly discovering that her roots were also far more complicated than she had expected them to be.
