All My Rage

At school, Jamie brags about getting into UCLA even though she’s planning to attend Princeton. Noor wonders why she still hasn’t heard from UCLA and assumes it must be because she didn’t get in. When Noor’s backpack spills open, Jamie notices that her green card is expired and announces to the teacher and class that Noor is “illegal” (191). Noor explains that her uncle has her current green card, but Jamie doesn’t believe her. Noor thinks about all the racism and bullying she’s endured since coming to the US, and Jamie continues to argue with her, accusing Noor of letting Salahudin write her admissions essays for her. However, when Jamie says, “I know your little secret,” Noor initially thinks she’s talking about something else. As Noor walks away from Jamie mid-argument, she reflects that no one will ever truly see her and what she’s going through. When Jamie chases after her and grabs Noor’s arm, Noor spins, punches her, and unleashes her rage as the school security officer grabs her arms.

When he hears rumors about Noor punching Jamie, Sal worries, especially about how Riaz might react if he learns about it. However, before he finds Noor, an angry Art approaches him and asks if he sold drugs to Ashlee. Art “sold her a patch” (196) without knowing Sal sold painkillers to her too, and Art got a call from Ashlee in which she could barely speak. Sal immediately leaves to find Ashlee, and ambulances arrive at Ashlee’s parked Mustang, just as Salahudin does. He can hear Kaya in the car screaming and catches a glimpse of Ashlee as the paramedics move her: She is unresponsive and covered in vomit. Guilt washes over Salahudin as he blames himself for Ashlee’s state and wonders what Noor and Ama would think of him.

In the principal’s office, Noor gives Brooke’s number for the school to call, and she arrives and joins Noor for a meeting with Principal Ernst. Mr. Ernst tells Noor that based on her position as a top student and Jamie’s partial responsibility in goading her, he will go easy on Noor if she apologizes to Jamie. However, Noor refuses to apologize. When she leaves the office, Noor hears Jamie telling a police officer to arrest Noor, stating that she’s “an illegal” (201). As Brooke drives Noor home, she promises not to tell Chachu and says Noor can pretend to be staying home sick during her two-day suspension.

Salahudin arrives at the ER, where Ashlee’s mom, Mrs. McCann, pulls him into a hug. She’s in denial that Ashlee overdosed, pretending instead that she might have had a reaction to something she ate. Dr. Ellis, Salahudin’s pediatrician, delivers news that Ashlee is stable. When Dr. Ellis shares that carfentanyl and OxyContin were found in Ashlee’s system, Mrs. McCann still refuses to believe that her daughter is a drug addict. Salahudin realizes how denial can often be easier than facing the truth, thinking of how Ama handled Abu’s alcoholism. Memories surface in Sal’s mind of ways he struggled as a child—feeling angry and panicky at times and having nightmares. Salahudin shares with Ashlee’s mother that his father has a drinking problem, saying, “Maybe it doesn’t have to be that way for Ashlee” (207). When Mrs. McCann leaves to see Ashlee, Dr. Ellis tells Sal she’s been calling him, not about the unpaid hospital bills but about his medical records. She asks him to pick up the next time she calls.

Art is waiting outside when Sal leaves the hospital, and Sal announces he is finished selling drugs. When Sal arrives home, he is surprised to find the apartment clean and his father sober, doing laundry in the laundry room. Sal chooses to encourage his father rather than cast blame when Abu says he has a meeting with his Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor, Janice. Abu expresses shame that he and Salahudin neglected to read the Qur’an at Ama’s graveside on the 40th day after her death. When Salahudin tries to enter the laundry room to comfort his father, he immediately feels nauseous. Abu sees his reaction and starts to weep, and Salahudin pushes himself to enter the laundry room and holds his father in his arms. Between sobs, Abu says he could not keep anyone safe—not his cousin, parents, Ama, or Salahudin. Salahudin wonders what his father means that Abu could not keep him safe.