A List of Cages

"How many stars?" 

This is a question that Julian's father always asked Julian when he was tucking him into bed at night. If Julian had a good day, he was supposed to say nine or ten are in the sky. If he had an especially good day, he was supposed to say “ten thousand stars.” When Julian has a wonderful time at Emerald's birthday party, dancing and drinking and being with Adam's friends, Julian makes Adam ask him this same question, afterwards. Julian answers that there are 10,000 stars in the sky. When Julian has found happiness in his new home with Adam and his mother and he's surrounded by loving friends, Julian says he sees ten million stars (instead of 10,000). 

"Go get it."  

This is the command that Russell habitually uses after he's finished questioning Julian about something Julian has done that Russell disapproves of. He makes Julian take the switch out of the drawer and bring it back to him before he beats Julian with it.

"Dad turned the page and kept on reading as if the place where Elian disappeared didn't matter. Because when you're between two shores and no one can see you, you don't really exist at all." 

This quote is significant in this novel because Julian often refers to how he doesn't feel like he, himself, exists, or that he is not real, especially after he's been abused by Russell. The above quote shows how Julian first internalized this feeling of non-existence as a child. His father read him an Elian Mariner book, and when Mariner's ship would disappear on one page, then reappear on the next page, Julian asked his father where Mariner and his ship had gone. His father said he didn't know. Julian was convinced, however, that between Mariner's disappearance and reappearance, it was possible that Mariner didn't exist at all.  

"The hardwood floor is stained, spoiled, like footprints left in wet cement." 

Russell uses the word “spoiled” not only to refer to the floor, but to refer to Julian. Russell told Julian on the day he moved in that he was spoiled. Russell tells Julian he was spoiled by his parents, and spoiled by his foster mother (Adam's mother), too. Russell says that if Julian acts spoiled in his house, he is going to throw him out. 

"He doesn't care if you cry, but you can't fight." 

When Russell abused Julian, he allowed Julian to cry, but he was not allowed to fight back. This quote shows that at the heart of Russell's abuse is his need to control Julian. This also explains why Julian did not fight back, even as the abuse escalated: Russell had trained and conditioned Julian not to.  

"'I texted you.' This is Charlie's pissed-off way of saying hello when he gets to Government." 

This quote crystalizes Charlie Taylor’s character at the beginning and middle stages of the novel. He is always scowling, complaining, angry and generally unhappy. Charlie doesn't say a normal hello and goodbye like other people. Later in the novel, his true, kind self will show through.

"We never went to concerts." 

This is Julian's response when Adam asks Julian if he likes concerts. The “we” in the sentence refers to Julian's parents and Julian. This quote is significant because Julian makes similar comments frequently throughout the novel. Julian thinks that if we (meaning he and his parents) didn't do something together, then he doesn't need to do it, or he shouldn't do it. These kinds of comments underscore Julian's attachment to his dead parents, and it shows how he filters even his current experiences through memories of them.

"Sometimes when I'm afraid, I think I see things that aren't really there." 

This is part of Julian's narrative. He wakes up in the middle of the night and sees a dark silhouette in his doorway. He finds his flashlight and shines it, calling Russell's name, but Russell doesn't answer. Julian and Russell look at each other and then Russell walks away. This is one of the better examples of how Julian lives in silent terror, never knowing when Russell will appear or disappear. 

"All of Adam's friends are so pretty, but she's like me, one of those people you aren't supposed to talk to if other people are around to see." 

Here, Julian observes a theater student named Stef, who is embarrassed to say her lines. Julian notices that Stef doesn't seem to fit in with the other theater students, and he relates to her. The quote is an example of how Julian views himself at the beginning of the novel: as a misfit among Adam's friends.

"We each have a mission on this earth, and we don't die until we complete it. I may not understand it, but he completed his mission." 

Miss West, Julian's Physical Science teacher, says the above quote. The statement emerges from a conversation initiated by Julian after he approaches Miss West after class, noticing that she is in an unusually bad mood. Miss West starts crying and confesses that it’s her dead son's birthday. Julian tries to comfort Miss West by telling her that he thinks her son is okay, and she agrees because Miss West thinks her son dies after completing his mission. Miss West's philosophy that people don't die until their mission is over has a profound effect on Julian. He internalizes her philosophy and tries to make sense of it. At the end of the novel, Julian is still wrestling with Miss West's philosophy. 

"'It's not just about what he said. It's a feeling. Like in nature videos, when the deer's ears perk up even though they can't actually see the hunter.'" 

Adam's intuition plays a crucial role in this novel. If Adam had not listened to his intuition, it's possible Julian might not have survived his ordeal of being locked in the trunk. Adam is talking to Emerald when he makes this comment. He is trying to sort through his thoughts and feelings about Russell after visiting Julian's house. Adam tells Emerald that he knows something is off. 

"She's fiddling with the ring on her index finger–the one her grandmother gave her for her birthday. As far as I know, it's the only present she got from anyone in her family." 

Adam and Emerald are discussing the cover stories they gave their parents before they set out on their hiking trip during spring break. After Adam tells Emerald he told his mom he was going hiking with Charlie, Adam asks Emerald what cover story she gave her mother. Emerald says it wasn't necessary to give her mother a cover story because her mother wouldn't notice she was gone. This quote clues the reader in to what Emerald's home situation is like. 

"Anything interesting happen today?" 

This is the question Adam routinely asks Julian every time he escorts Julian to Dr. Whitlock's. Adam is Dr. Whitlock's aide, and she has asked Adam to find out important things about Julian and report those things to her. Although Adam refuses to tell everything he knows, he uses this question to get Julian to open up to him.

"Hate ricochets, but kindness does too."

This thought is presented in Julian's narrative as he observes how his Physical Science class is turning hostile and vengeful towards Miss West because Miss West is hateful to them. Julian notices, minutes later, that there is a little girl with sad eyes walking down the hall. Adam brightens her whole face after he gives the little girl a kind smile.

"You lost her number?" 

This is Russell's response to Adam, after Adam tells Russell he lost Julian's aunt's telephone number. The quote is significant because Russell's tone and expression make Adam aware of how psychologically abusive he is. Adam observes that Russell repeats everything a person says so that they start doubting themselves. When Russell starts questioning Adam in this way, Adam realizes how hard it must be on Julian to live with Russell.

"Think good thoughts." 

This is what Adam and Julian both say to themselves when they are scared, or they can't go to sleep at night. In this particular quote, Julian is saying the phrase to himself after he climbs back into the trunk and Russell closes the lid. Julian has learned to think good thoughts in scary times from Adam.

"Superheroes aren't real, and even if they are, they come too late." 

Adam thinks this while he is crying in Julian's hospital room. This quote marks his new maturity as he now realizes that believing and depending on fantasies and fantastic characters only gave him a false sense of reality. He also grieves that he taught Julian to depend on a fantasy world that wouldn’t able to help him to the extent Julian needed it to.

“‘HOLY SHIT!’ Jesse's loud voice grabs the attention of the entire table. ‘Somebody write this down. May twenty-sixth. Adam Black is in a bad mood.’” 

Jesse is observing Adam's new emotional state after he comes back to school from sitting in the hospital with Julian. Adam is beginning to descend into a period of uncontrollable crying. He is slowly transforming from his usual happy-go-lucky, resilient self into a much more volatile person. 

"She goes on, insulting herself, pitying him, explaining away everything he did as if it's okay for him to hurt her. It's not." 

This is part of Julian's internal narrative during group therapy. He is listening to a patient talk about her abuser. As Julian listens to her, Julian sees himself in her, and how he has been making excuses for Russell in the same way this girl is making excuses for her own abuser.

"What keeps you trapped?" 

This quote appears twice, first as the chapter's opening line, and as a question prompt in Julian's therapy group in the hospital. The therapist wants her patients to think about the things that keep them from living the life they want. She wants them to understand the barriers that keep them from living free before they all graduate from the program and return to their lives.

"The things I know stay in my head as I stand on my own two feet at the end of the day, and I walk back to my room with my journal to write my list of cages." 

Julian reaches his turning point as he accepts the group therapy counselor's advice to write a list of the fears that keep him from being free and living life the way he wants to. Julian finally realizes that it wasn't just Russell that was keeping him trapped; his own fears were keeping him trapped.

"You hurt me. It's not okay to hurt people. Even if you're unhappy." 

This quote is important because it reveals how Julian is finally breaking away from one of his core beliefs: unhappiness is a valid excuse for being mean. This is also a major quote because it signals how Julian is now finding his identity outside of his parents, which is a huge step for him.

"All the times he found a reason to punish me. Not to make me better, but because he enjoyed it." 

These are Julian's thoughts as Russell is grabbing and twisting Julian's arm in an effort to abduct him at Adam's graduation party. When Russell tries to abduct him at the party, suddenly Julian remembers watching the video of his abuse on the drive that Adam found in Russell's office. He remembers the expression on Russell's face, indicating that he was enjoying meting out the abuse.