A Heart in a Body in the World

“You wish you could annihilate some memories, too, but you can’t do that, either. You try. But they pop in.” 

Throughout the novel Annabelle experiences flashbacks of The Taker. This quote describes how Annabelle struggles with intrusive thoughts, a symptom of PTSD.

“The road ahead. Is that where the magic is? That she is, for once, not looking behind?” 

When Annabelle initially begins to run across the country, she’s not sure what compels her to do this. Nevertheless, she feels a need—even if she doesn’t have the words for it—to move ahead, away from the past and toward progress.

“You must remember that the heart is a muscle, too, and it can get as stressed as the others.” 

A doctor explains to Annabelle the physical strain a long-distance run can take on the human heart. However, the quote could also describe the heart as a symbol of emotion, reflecting the mental and emotional stress people endure after difficult or traumatic events.

“Her body is on fire. She is a mess of wounds. Fresh wounds, old ones, wounds in various stages of pain and healing.” 

The text describes the literal, physical wounds on Annabelle’s body from cross-country running, but this quote also suggests the emotional wounds that weigh on Annabelle’s heart and mind. She feels emotionally wounded due to the death of Kat and Will, an injury that continues to affect her, but one she is working to heal.

“It’s weird because, since her run began, Annabelle feels something different about her body and food. She was already ‘in shape,’ but she is starting to understand that if she wants to be strong, she needs to feed the strength. Energy and power in, energy and power out.” 

Annabelle thinks about the expectation for women to be thin and to diet before enjoying a big meal with her family. However, as an athlete, it is important for her to eat well to have energy. Annabelle is realizing the benefits of being physically strong while enjoying food, despite societal expectations for women’s behaviors and bodies.

“When you are a person who cares for any other person, you must decide again and again to care, she also understands. Her friends and family have. Grandpa Ed has. Her mother has.”

Although Grandpa Ed and Gina fight constantly, they still support each other because they love and care for each other. Annabelle realizes that loving another person is a choice, and when people show up to love and support Annabelle, it is because they are choosing to do so.

“Annabelle Agnelli has always been—even before the tragedy—burdened by what she owes people. She worries if she’s inconveniencing them.” 

This is an important quote in terms of understanding Annabelle as a character. She struggles to accept help from others, worried she is being an inconvenience. This character trait is especially significant because Annabelle believes she is partially guilty for The Taker’s horrific behavior. Two crucial threads of Annabelle’s narrative arc are learning to stop blaming herself for another person’s actions and learning to accept the generosity of others.

“She runs a little past the spot where she thinks they picked her up, just to be sure. She has enough to be guilty of; she has cheated enough people of the things that matter most to them, without cheating about this, too.” 

After Dawn Celeste and Luke rescue Annabelle from the storm, she insists on going back to the place where she stopped running the day before so she won’t be cheating. Annabelle makes a connection between the idea of cheating on her run and the guilt she feels over Kat and Will’s deaths.

“Anxiety is like being in freeway traffic all the time. There’s the constant sense of dodging and darting, seeking your chance to cut in, the irritation of others pulling ahead of you. You hit the accelerator; slam the breaks.” 

Annabelle struggles with anxiety throughout the novel. Here she gives a detailed description of what it feels like to have anxiety, reflecting both internal chaos and her preoccupation with what others think and how others perceive her.

“It’s just… in there, and we never think about it. But when you do, you realize how important it is. It’s terrifying, you know, how much we count on this fist-sized muscle.” 

Annabelle has been writing down facts about the heart in her Moleskine notebook. She describes to Luke why the heart fascinates her. It is small, often an afterthought in daily life, but also essential to our well-being, in both a physical and an emotional sense.

“Her guilt and shame are almost a familiar comfort, compared to the depth of that sorrow and the breadth of that anger.” 

Dr. Mann has been encouraging Annabelle to set her guilt aside and to allow herself to experience other feelings and reactions. Annabelle slowly starts to do this, only to realize she feels deep sadness and anger. Annabelle realizes these feelings are in some ways scarier and more difficult than her guilt.

“I have to do something. It sounds like a vow. It sounds like a vow every single human should make.” 

Without her knowledge, Malcolm films Annabelle saying, “I have to do something,” and posts the video online. Previously, Annabelle wasn’t sure why she was running across the country, but here she realizes she’s compelled by an urge to act after feeling helpless for so long. Her words resonate with others, and the video receives 68,000 views.

“It’s been great, amazing, to have someone her own age around, someone who doesn’t just see the burnt wick of tragedy when he looks at her.” 

Luke is very patient around Annabelle, and as their friendship grows, Annabelle learns she can trust boys her own age again. She also realizes that she feels happy around Luke, who doesn’t only see her in terms of the tragedy she endured.

“Her run is larger than her, and yet her daily life is mostly just her solitary steps, the rhythm of them, her daily aches, her loneliness, and the flashes of the nightmares that she experiences daily. It seems that she’s become a person with a message, but she’s unclear what that message is.” 

As more people hear about Annabelle’s run, she realizes her journey is bigger than herself—others are cheering her on and want her to succeed too. Annabelle thinks about how she represents something much bigger than herself, even though it doesn’t always feel that way, because to her, she is just going through her routine each day.

“That’s exactly my point! That’s exactly what people get. You are not pounding another freaking message among a million messages. You’re not talking, talking, talking. God, I’m tired of hearing people talk! You’re doing.” 

Olivia delivers this encouraging message to Annabelle after she says she’s not sure she can represent such a big cause. Olivia disagrees, believing that by taking on this difficult journey, Annabelle is actually doing something honest and impactful rather than merely speaking empty words.

“Your only job—and it’s a big one—is to try to speak and live your own honest truth. The truth might shift. You might need more time to even understand what that truth is. That’s it. That’s the job. Trying to manage and control everyone else? Not the job. Impossible, besides.” 

Dr. Mann gives this advice to Annabelle, who constantly feels like she needs to protect the feelings of others. She feels guilty if others are hurt, and she’s hesitant to accept generosity in case she’s being an inconvenience. Dr. Mann encourages Annabelle to let these worries go and instead just focus on being herself.

“What are people saying? They care about her. And—they’re angry. What is Annabelle feeling, besides guilt? Something new.” 

During her journey, various people come up to Annabelle and express their anger toward The Taker. These moments surprise Annabelle, but she realizes that these people support and care about her. These moments help Annabelle recognize that her anger is justified and allow her to release some of the guilt she’s felt up until now.

“The power of fury. It’s happening. Stuff is combining and bashing with other stuff. The road is working its magic. The miles are. Distance is. People are. She’s healing.” 

This moment is significant because it represents how Annabelle’s run is helping her heal. Running provides a healthy outlet for her anger, and the journey allows her to move forward and connect with people who support her, restoring her hope for the future and her faith in others.

“Love is corny, when you get right down to it. It has two left feet. It trips over itself, because it is so large that it’s awkward.”

It’s not easy for people to express their love for each other, especially members of Annabelle’s family. However, though it’s often awkward, Annabelle’s friends and family continue to support her and find their own ways to express their love.

“The audience murmurs. There are exhales of outrage. It reminds her that those people out there want to hear what she has to say. Plenty of others won’t, but these people do.” 

For a long time Annabelle felt she had to bear the grief and trauma of what happened to her on her own. However, when Annabelle gives her speech at Carnegie Mellon and hears the audience’s murmurs and applause, she realizes there are plenty who support her, who are on her side, who share in her anger and grief.

“She is guessing that many of them out there, too, have felt her grief and confusion and powerlessness. She is empty. She is full.” 

Although it is extremely difficult for Annabelle to speak at Carnegie Mellon, she feels better after giving her speech. The audience’s reaction reminds Annabelle that others understand her grief and anger, that others feel this same pain, and that she is not alone.

“I think you have studied the heart already. I think you will go on studying the heart, Annabelle, no matter what you do.”

Dawn Celeste says these words to Annabelle after Annabelle says she wants to study the heart. Annabelle has been writing down facts about the heart in her journal throughout the run, but Dawn Celeste reminds her that the heart isn’t only about facts and science. In pursuing this emotional journey, Annabelle is already studying the heart.

“My God, she is glad to be here. She is glad her heart and her feet have moved her forward to feel all of this.” 

These are Annabelle’s sentiments upon reaching Washington, DC, and seeing her family and friends waiting to congratulate her at the end of her journey. Annabelle feels proud to be finished with her run and happy to be with her friends and family. After experiencing so much pain and shame, this moment is significant because it shows that Annabelle can feel happiness again.